A Tail

All my life I’ve felt that there has been something missing, something I needed to make me complete. I’m 15, by the way. Anyways, I always had a feeling of emptyness, where-ever I went, I just felt that I wasn’t all there, until about a month ago, I borrowed a playstation and a game from my freind. The game I got was Final Fantasy Nine(which is a great game, by the way). Anyways, I was playing it , and I saw that the main character had a tail. Seeing this, I don’t know how to explain it… I got this sensation. A feeling that this is what was missing. This boy had a tail, and I needed one too, well, I still do, which is, of course, what this is all about. I NEED a tail. It’s just so unbelievable, this feeling I have whenever I play FF9. It feels like my whole life has been completed. So, please… if you know of any ways to get a tail, or gorw a tail, or something… please e-mail me at fistwalker@hotmail.com it would mean me having a whole life. thank you -Tom Heywood

Before you actually get the operation you’re going to need to live life as a tailed person for at least a year as well as get some therapy. Talk to other tailed people and learn about their experience. It’s probably not exactly the fantasy that you’re thinking it is. I would suggest that you start at a costume shop to begin your journey. Start off with the costume tail at home before you venture out in public.

Good luck


Yeah… I think I was about 15 or 16 when I first got tail too.

I feel your pain.

You have a tail? please! please tell me how!

You want to know the wierd thing? I bet that in the next hundred years or so a tail will not be totally out of the question.

I wonder if your parents chose to have you born with a tail and you married a non-tailed person whether the child would recieve a whole or vestigial tail. Hmm.

[hijack]Would genetically formulated tails on human beings be the dominant trait?[/hijack]

OMFG… classic.

NeedATail, I have no idea whether you are serious or you have simply inhaled too much glue, this afternoon, but your posts appearing desperate to get this information simply reek of juvenile humor. You have also, with a total of four posts, interrupted two other legitimate threads to post this silliness.

If you’d like to get along, here, I would suggest that you tone down your style and stop interrupting other discussions.

You’re welcome to post and even to ask off-the-wall questions, but if you become very irritating very fast, you will lose that welcome very swiftly.

(And, no, I do not know how to get you a tail. I’d suggest a plastic surgeon. Start saving now.)

(Does anyone have a link to the story on the goof that wants to be a tiger? There might be info, there.)

I am completley serious about this, plz dont think I’m joking. I’m sorry I interrupted Your Thread, I just signed up today… Please, I really need a tail, it’s not just a childish fantasy…

Even if they could grow one off your ass(slightly possible), it sure as hell wouldn’t be prehensile in any way shape or form. Basically a saggy foreskin(aftskin, if you will) hanging off your ass.

Hmm. Human tails are not completely impossible, as indicated in this [http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_077.html"]column by our resident Font of Wisdom.

Perhaps you can satisfy yourself with a prosthetic tail. Start with a length of rubber hose, colored to your preference. The hard part will be figuring out how to affix it to your tailbone. Duct tape seems reasonable; I would advise against Super Glue.

After that, you’ll just have to figure out how to explain this to your parents, how to sit down, change underwear and pants, and walk at a brisk pace without fear of auto-amputation of the tail.

Or maybe not.

Life is short. I’d advise you to learn to love your ass the way it is. :slight_smile:


Let’s try that link to the column again.

I do recall reading an article in Harper’s magazine this year (web site: http://harpers.org/ ) that was an interview with a plastic surgeon who gave lectures on this very concept.

He proposed several off-the-wall modifications of the human form, including:
[ul][li]Tails[/li][li]A second thumb on the opposite side of your hand (beside your pinkie)[/li][li]A set of bat-wings :eek: [/ul]He discussed how the human body would adjust, and after an initial awkward time period, you’d learn to control your new appendages.[/li]
As for me, that second thumb sounds pretty cool. But rather than that, I’d like an implant near my brain that allows me to maneuver a “mouse” on my PC using radio waves. Maybe a keyboard, too. Think of it - control your computer from across the room, with NO wires or connections. No carpal tunnel syndrome or anything.

The instant a mod sees this thread, that’s all she wrote so I’m typing fast.

So where’s this tail going to go when you need to sit on the toilet? Please don’t tell me you’re going to “hover” as we’ve had some awful threads recently about people who do that and the messes they make.

I SO want this as a sig.

Actually, we’ve seen it and it’s one of those “too funny to die, too sick to live” type of things.

Better that NeedATail should want to add something to his body than that he should be like this girl: http://www.hoopee.com/article.asp?artID=747

If I suggested where to get one, it would just be a WAG.

NeedATail, you aren’t by any chance related to this fellow, are you?

Good gravy, it’s like there’s something in the water today. First the sockpuppets cyberstalking Fenris, then that deal with Lib, and now this. And it’s not even five o’clock yet.

A tail is quite easy to grow. I had one in 6th grade and the ladies were quite enamored with me. I suppose it could have been the red parachute pants, but I guess we’ll never know.

Basically, you simply let the hair on the back of your head grow long. Once you have enough hair (a few inches is good to start) have a hairstylist buzz the rest of your head except for a small swath of hair at the base of your skull.

When you are growing the tail, remember to maintain good grooming and snip the bottom every once in a while. It will help to reduce split ends which could be the end of your tail.

Good luck and let us know when you fashion sense hits the late 80s and we can start talking mullets.

Okay, I think we’ve seen enough.