I’m going to participate in a "talent/no talent? show on March 2, and have no idea what to do. For obvious reasons, I’ll be in the “no talent” part, so it has to be something I can prepare in 10 days or less. No musical instruments or singing. Any ideas?
You could just stand and call yourself “Unfalling Man!”.
You could recite a poem. If you are the type who’s willing to really ham it up, try doing an imitation of Shel Silverstein reading his poem “Sahra Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out”.
I shouold think if you want to demonstrate no talent, preparation is the wrong way to go.
The first thing I think of is The Popsicle Twins, maybe you can find someone to join you to recreate it?
Learn to say the alphabet backwards. You can do it in a few hours and it’s sure to impress.
mmm
Steve Allen got laughs by doing dramatic readings of pop song lyrics. No talent needed.
Clumsy juggler?
Be sure to use something like bean bags, not knives and/or bowling balls.
Yes. FLAMING bean bags!
I think it’d be pretty funny to get one of those flaming batons, light it on fire, and just stand there.
I love this idea. Especially when you think of the inanity of some pop song lyrics.
Example, Beach Boys: “I’m a real cool head. I’m making lots of bread.”
This. 
Or, you could get a few balls, bounce them off the floor, and say that the floor is your juggling partner.
A badly done impressionist act, with requests from the audience, is a sure winner.
You could do your impression of William Shatner’s impression of Rocket Man.
I vote for the poetic recitation of some pop song. . . I’m thinking “Call Me Maybe” would be a good one and keep it deadly serious. That might be funny.
Needs more setup.
Wheel a cart or wheelbarrow onto the stage with a pile of stuff in it. Silently set up a folding table and make a production of neatly arraying items on it–flame batons, torches, knives, an ignition source (maybe a spirit lamp), a rubber chicken, and a dead fish. Set several buckets of water and/or sand around. Pretend to listen to someone offstage, then nod and pull out a first aid kit as well. Carefully light the lamp, and look out at the audience.
“Now, I’d like a volunteer from the audience. Preferably one who can actually juggle.”
The “poetic recitation of a pop song” idea is great. It could be screamingly funny. You might even win the talent part.
Love it!
So far, I think I’m going with this.
Do this but use a stuffed animal as a ventriloquist’s dummy to recite the song. Hold the “dummy” in your arms and move its hands, feet and head, but otherwise make no effort to use a different voice or not move your lips. With a big, goofy-looking stuffed toy, this could be absolutely hilarious and might accidentally kick you into the talent group. Make it a very sad song so the doll can break down sobbing during the recitation.
Okay. I really want to see this. Needs to go on YouTube.