I agree with the “Try at least three bites” idea, that always worked for me. I am a very adventerous eater despite being forced to eat foods I didn’t like as a kid. It was actually only meat and meat products that made me sick, but my family members are virtual carnivores who really never have understood how someone else may not care for foods they love. I had wonderful parents, but they really missed the boat on this issue.
So yeah, I get that a kid who has shown the ability to digest green beans should be strongly encouraged to eat green beans when they are presented, but forcing kids to clean a plate or swallow something which gags them just sounds like abuse to me. And I can only share my own experience, but I was very underweight as a child, and it was because I was not offered food I would eat unless I ate the meat on my plate. Which was damn near impossible. At least in my case, an eating disorder was created by the “eat it or starve”. And picking at my food was a stalling mechanism, and not one designed to deliberately piss off my dad or onlookers. The last thing I wanted was to draw more attention to my plate.
Well, I don’t know why I’m acting like an expert. I didn’t have no problem eating as a child. My chunky ass wanted my peas and everybody else’s peas too.
I was a picky eater as a child, but was never forced to eat anything. My mother didn’t prepare me a separate meal, but she would allow me to make my own dinner, if I chose. Today I’m open minded about food, and will try food from other cultures, with the exception of raw fish or meats. That just doesn’t seem safe to me.
My husband, on the other hand, was forced to eat all of his food. If he didn’t eat it by the time everyone else was finished, he was put on a timer. If he didn’t eat it by the end of the 20 minute cycle, he was sent to his room. The next morning, it was served to him for breakfast. Not surprisingly, today he is not very adventurous with foods. Oh, and he gets nauseated smelling green beans, as he was forced to eat them cold for breakfast one time too many. That’s what having a psychotic mother forcing food down your throat will do to you.
My mother wasn’t a tyrant trying to torture us kids. We all liked different things and they got rotated into the meal plan. Although, come to think of it, brussel sprouts somehow got voted off the island when I was about 5. I hated those things. I’ll eat them when other people make them but rarely do they taste like anything other than bitter caustic vegetables from hell. I use to cut them up and mix them with something that masked the taste.
But the idea of my mother as a short order cook would have elicited much laughter from both parents.
I think what sven was trying to say is that given the option to try other foods, some of these kids might be reluctant to venture out of their comfort zones. If all you’ve ever eaten is say, porridge and beets, then anything else is going to be really strange. You’d be like, “this tastes funny!” They might not even LIKE porridge and beets, but they still might be afraid to eat something else. Human beings aren’t always logical.
HOWEVER, that’s the point – they don’t have a choice. Literally. It’s not like, “eat your peas or you go to your room”, it’s “eat your peas, or you starve”. Because peas may be all you have. Some people don’t have the luxury of eating food they like. We, however, do, so bringing up people living in the third world really doesn’t make for a good argument. Their situation is completely different.
My grandfather did exactly this – and anything you didn’t eat then you ate for breakfast. As a result, my dad had a weight problem as a kid. My mother was made to eat a lot of food that DID end up making her sick. (My grandmother used to make a LOT of fried, greasy, fatty foods) So this kind of thing tends to make me a little wary.
I never had to do the “clean your plate”, but I had to eat stuff I didn’t like. There were really only things I wouldn’t eat as a kid: meat loaf, chilli, and stuffed peppers. My mother only made me eat a small portion, but I still ate it, and pretty slowly. (Of the three, I actually really like chilli now. I still can’t stand the others)
I ask if they’re feeling okay (stomach ache rule out), I ask them to tell me something funny or awful that happened at school today (attention rule out), I ask if anything’s on their mind or if they’d like a different fork (control rule out) and then I eat my dinner.
Kids have absolute control of just two things in their life: what goes in and where it comes out. Creating drama over food and toilet training are losing battles, always.
No idea. It’s literally never happened to me. If it did, I think I’d be making a trip to the ER to rule out drugs or seizure, because it would be that strange for a child in my care to do something like that. Not that I’m Super-Mom/Nanny or anything, but that’s just never even come close to happening.
Theoretically, I guess I’d suggest that if they’re not going to sit well at the table, then they can go spend some time in [whatever the most boring room in the house is] until we’re done. But then you’re going to ask me what I do when they refuse, or start screaming, and, again…it’s just never happened, so I don’t know what I’d do next. If I can get them to stay in a safe spot, I guess I’d let them scream until they screamed themselves out and then try to get them to talk about WTF that was all about. There’s really just no reasoning with someone in hysterics.
My own kids are pretty easygoing (well, my daughter has a real stubborn streak, but if you can manipulate her into thinking something is her idea, she’s good.) I’ve worked with some little hellions, including kids with ODD, Sensory Integration issues and Autism, but none of them acted out like that around food. A couple of petulant kicks at the table leg, which I just ignore or give The Eyebrow to, that’s about it.
My heart really does go out to those parents dealing with the sort of thing you’re describing. I will say that every time I’ve *observed *something like that happening, it’s been the parent’s handling of the situation that either initiated or accelerated the melt-down, though. Which is not to say I’m blaming the parents, but suggesting they need some new strategies to make things work better for everyone.
Seriously, how many times are you going to re-post this question with a different scenario? “child holds a 1862 gatling gun to your head because you won’t make eggs benedict, Now What”? OK, NOW you can cater to their every demands. Otherwise it’s like any other tantrum and should be dealt as such.
My grandmother wasn’t psychotic in general, but one night she made the most revolting frozen vegetables I’ve ever eaten. I was maybe 6 or so. I ate the main portion of my food and was already full (adults cannot seem to understand children cannot eat as much as they do for some reason). I was made to sit at the table, while gorged with food, until I finished my now cold vegetables. I was beyond full and picked at them over the course of maybe 30 minutes. Eventually my grandmother was force-feeding them to me and beyond enraged.
I vomited up the vegetables onto the plate, and she claimed I did it to “get out of it” and tried to feed me the still un-digested vegetables from the vomit.
All I learned that day, was that I wouldn’t throw a big fit when kids say they are full. You’re not them, you can’t know what their stomach feels like. I’m an adventurous eater now, but I don’t think that has to do with anything. Other than that day I never had an issue like that, so I think my Grandma was stressed over something and snapped on me, there was no systematic abuse.
Rogerbox, I had a similar incident. I was at a chinese restaurant with my mom and dad that we always used to sneak and go to behind my siblings backs and I always used to bring my McDonalds in with me. My dad thought it was time for me to step it up so he pressured me to try his egg foo young and I was such a daddy’s girl, that when I saw him getting frustrated, I rushed to try to please him and I tried it. Bad idea. I brought it back up all over the booth. My dad learned a powerful lesson that day, let me tell you. For the record, I love egg foo young now.
I’ve met a number of women in my life who found early on that playing helpless and clueless meant that they could get others to do a lot of things for them. It is simple manipulation. It can also grow into a general anger at being incompetent and blaming others if they do not do the things for them that they say they cannot do themselves, the exact way they want them done.
Your mom didn’t make homemade pies, cakes and other yummy things? In my generation (geezer alert) we played outside and burned lots of calories. We would have wasted away without it.
I’m such a tyrant…if you don’t eat “enough” of your dinner (and that is left deliberately vague and up to Mom’s Discretion, because otherwise my daughter will lawyer me down to the individual grain of rice), then your dessert is fruit. Otherwise, there may be ice cream or pudding or even, occasionally, cupcakes. Not every night, but unpredictably. Operant conditioning with an intermittent reward schedule, I think they call it when you do it to rats in cages.
I hide behind the logic of nutrition: we mostly eat healthy in order to keep our bodies strong enough to deal with the occasional cupcake or Big Mac. You didn’t eat enough vitamins and minerals to keep your body strong enough today, so if you’d like something sweet, it’s fruit for you. Such torture.