How do you handle a child that is a very picky eater?

In My Humble Opinion
1

My friend’s son is a very, very picky eater.
I have had experience with picky eaters, but none to this magnitude.

He will not eat most vegetables. He will not eat ‘kid friendly’ foods, such as mac and cheese, hot dogs and (homemade) hamburgers. If he is forced to eat something, he will literally throw it right up. I witnessed this for myself when I unknowingly made him mac and cheese and his parents ‘made’ him eat it so as to not hurt my feelings.

He will not eat tortillas, jelly, wheat bread, etc. He won’t even eat food that is ‘fun’ such as a pear made up to look like a mouse. Sometimes he isn’t even consistant: He’ll eat Lunchables but not deli meat. He’ll eat french fries, but not hash browns.

The problem is, to be honest, is two-fold:

a)His mom put up with it for so long. She would constantly make three dinners. She would cater to his each and every whim.

and more importantly

b) His father is (was) an ultra picky person. ULTRA (you’ll notice I said she made three dinners up there). I see that the child looks for clues from his father and pretty much, parrots him. For example, Dad hates IHOP pancakes and perfers Denny’s. The child, never having been to IHOP, has stated that IHOP pancakes are vile.

Well, the Dad has vowed to change. I have seen that he is really trying. He will not state how ‘disgusting’ something is, whereas before he would do so. He is making an effort to be a better role model in this regard.

So now what? If anything, the child seems to have gotten worse. On one hand, I would think that ‘forcing’ him to eat would work (“This is what we are eating. If you don’t want it, too bad”), but on the other, I wonder if it will just make the situation worse. I recommended that she see a nutritionalist and that maybe they will help her. She has seen two pediatritions and they pretty much think he will grow out of it (Ha! His dad didn’t! :wink: ).

Do you have any suggestions or stories to share?

2

INA parent, but my parents used the ‘eat it or you get twice as much’ technique. Combined with extremely patient parenting and constant repetition, it worked like a charm. If both parents aren’t presenting a united front, I don’t think this will work.

Oh, and I distinctly remember throwing up food I didn’t like too. It worked until it resulted in a Mexican standoff with me and dad for several hours. Needless to say, it worked and now I’m the (marginally) well adjusted person I am today. :slight_smile:

3

I’ve got two picky eaters. I don’t sweat it. I know what they will eat and that’s what they get served. I don’t force them to eat food that revolts them – I’d see that as counterproductive. Mealtimes aren’t a struggle around my household because I don’t try and force them to eat a wider variety of food anymore. They do eat protein, carbs and fruit and vegetables from a very small group.

What is the real problem here? I don’t have enough energy in the world to make my kids eat a wider variety of foods. Sure I think they’re missing out but ultimately forcing them to eat food isn’t somewhere I’m going to go.

4

My son developed into a very picky eater by the time he turned 7. He moved in with me and decided that he should eat at least one meal a day from McDonalds. This was easy when he lived with his mother, she lived a block away from one, the nearest to me at the time was about 10 miles. Lets just say he went hungry many times. He soon learned to eat what was placed in front of him and even liked some of the food quite a bit. This was something I had seen when I was in boot camp for the US Navy. You ate what was served to you or went hungry.

5

:eek:

i see myself in this scenario…at least the early stages of it. I better head it off. My son isn’t a picky eater a majority of the time. He loves salads and broccoli. He had a “carrot” period where he wouldn’t eat carrots. It went as far as him refusing to eat Peaches and Cream oatmeal simply because he thought the peaches were carrots. :stuck_out_tongue:

Without any urging from me (mostly because he has no qualms about eating any other vegetables–he’s 3 and he eats more veggies than his dad does :rolleyes: )
he got over it. He eats carrots now, no problem.

But he does have his moments where he refuses to eat, period.

I stopped agonizing over it, and because he is not starving, obviously, I figure he’ll eat when he wants to. I think the more you add significance to it, the more they use it to get a sort of attention.

His dad is another story. :\

6

No child will starve if food is available. If they do not want to eat what is being served, don’t make them, but don’t offer them ANYTHING else. No snacks, if they say they are thirsty give them water, nothing else. Most likely by the time you have your next meal, they will be hungry enough to eat whatever is served. If not, let them continue to go without. If a child is such a picky eater they will go all day without eating, then they probably need to see a doctor.

7

I was a picky eater. There was no bringing me out of it. “Just try it” , the few times I went along with it, didnt help. There was always at least one portion of the meals my mother made that I would eat. I ate alot of dry turkey and dinners rolls at larger family dinners, but no fuss was made over it. A few attempts were made by relatives who didn’t know me like my mother did, to “fix” me…to no avail. Looking back, I can’t think of anything anyone could have done that would have made me less picky. I was stubborn. And I was genuinely convinced about my tastes.

The “sneak something the kid doesn’t like into a dish s/he will eat, then spring it on them after they’ve enjoyed it” trick failed miserably. Most of the time, I detected the secret ingrediant with one bite. Whenever I didn’t, it just confirmed to me that I didn’t like those foods, and could only stomach them when they weren’t tasted or felt, which hardly amounts to liking them. Forcing me to eat things I didn’t like would have required holding me down and physically forcing me…which probably wouldn’t have had good results for expanding my tastes. My sister was more accomodating, and ended up eating a meal she hated, then throwing it up. I can’t really see that being good for a kid’s tastes, either.
I grew out of it. I really don’t think there was any other way around it. I had to start trying, and wanting new things for myself. When I was a kid, it was meat and potatos…and they couldn’t touch eachother. And no sauce, ew. Now I crave blended tastes and textures, sauces, spices, and complicated dishes.

I vaguely recall reading some things about there being science behind kids having such bland tastes, but I can’t bring any of it up at the moment. Anyone else have more info on that?

8

In our family, there is a pretty good system to prevent picky eating. Every family member abides by it. My beautiful and talented daughter, who is 12, was an extremely picky eater until age 10, when my s.o. and I joined families and changed things up. It goes like this:

Everyone gets a list with four spots on it. In those four spots, it is highly recommended that you place foods you flat out refuse to eat. It’s acceptable to leave one or more spots on your list blank so that you can add foods as needed. But once the spots are filled, you can change the item only at a weekly family meeting. You are exempted from being served items on your list, and can get a replacement for foods in any given meal that consist of or contain items on your list. My list, for example, says 1.Pork 2.Beef 3.Onions 4. Oysters.

Meals are then served to everyone by plate. If you finish plate #1, you may get seconds. Any foods not on your list must be eaten even if you don’t like them, in order to get your seconds. (of course if something in the meal is on your list, you may opt for a replacement food) Dessert is not contingent on finishing your plate.

This pretty much takes care of picky eating in a large family where meals absolutely cannot be served in a short-order manner. The four item list for everyone prevents people from encountering foods that horrify them, while leaving enough leeway to make sure kids eat a variety of foods rather than going down a narrower, and less healthy, path. This system (despite some extended family members’ opinions to the contrary) does not *force * children to eat any particular food. Yes, they must clear their plate to get seconds, but they do not have to eat anything in particular. My daughter went from being an extremely picky eater to becoming rather adventuresome in her tastes. Relatives who haven’t seen her for a while have commented favorably.

This system does result in some strange scenes at mealtimes. I’ve seen young Mr. 11, who hates green beans but we serve them infrequently enough (and he wants a blank spot on his list for emergencies) that he won’t put them on his list, sit resolutely in front of a serving of green beans after eating the rest of his food, until dessert arrives…

9

Kids appetites are incredibly “flexible”. What they will eat one day may be repulsive the next. They are expressing their need to control their lives. We all want to be in control of our own lives, our children are no exception. They have little control on a daily basis. They are told when to get up, when to eat , when to play and when to go to bed. We are bigger, have better control of language and we are their only role models. What they eat is one of the things they can control. I think we need to relax about our kids diets. They will not starve themselves and as long as the food we are offering is healthy they will thrive. This approach also requires the adults to relax our ideas about the proper way to eat. Let them have several small snacks throughout the day. Don’t make mealtimes inflexible.We would all be healthier if we ate this way.
God! Sorry to go on and on, something I feel strongly about.

10

I raised two fussy eaters. The rule I adopted was - leave any one item on your plate so long as you taste it. Eat the rest. It worked fine with number one son who soon began eating everything but never really worked with number two who still has lots of dislikes at age 15.

11

My parents always said, “You don’t have to like it, but you do have to try it.” If I didn’t like it, I didn’t have to eat it. 3 or 4 times a year, I’d get to try it again and see if my tastes had changed. There were usually other things for dinner that I could eat instead, but I always had the option of making a bowl of cereal or something I did like, if nothing on the table was edible. On liver night, for example. :eek:

I used this method with my three stepkids and it worked well. They were exposed to new things, but they knew if they didn’t like it, they didn’t have to eat it, which made them more willing to try new foods. It was always great to hear, “Hey, this is good,” after 10 solid minutes of “Eeeww” and “Ick” before they’d actually tried it, but if they didn’t like it, it was no big deal. Their dad and I thanked them for trying the new food, and the meal would continue.

It sounds like the peds aren’t concerned about this boy’s overall health, so there’s no problem if he only eats Lunchables and french fries for a while.

12

The only cure for that is maturity…sure he may be picky as he gets older but unless he is retarded he will not always be as picky he may be willing to try new foods and acquire tastes for things he wouldn’t have liked before also he will soon realize that certain foods may be prepared or packaged a different way but that it is basically the same thing or closely related…such as French Fries and Hash Browns for example.

13

I was fortunate that I was the fifth child. My parents were long tired of food battles. By the time I came along it was “If you don’t like what’s been prepared, you can fix yourself a bowl of cereal or a PBJ yourself”. My mother would asks us to try stuff, but wouldn’t force us to eat it. BUT she wouldn’t cater to our every whim and make something special for each family member.

I’m still a picky eater today. I figure, if you can’t choose what you put in your mouth, what can you choose?

StG

14

Here here. I like to think of it as being a discriminating eater, not picky!

Much good advice here.

Do not make a big deal out of it, power plays help no-one. Generally make food that everyone can stomach, even if not their favorite, and do NOT make separate meals. Have a standard healthy alternative available that requires no work from parents. Fresh fruit is good, carrots, yogurt, Cheerios, etc. 4 year olds can make their own peanut butter sandwich.

We never announce ahead of time if we are having dessert that night or not. If the kids have decided not to eat much or not to eat the vegetables, the subject of dessert just never comes up. Trying to avoid having dessert be seen as a reward.

Of course, the Dad in the OP’s post made life a lot harder on the Mom. I keep my pickiness quietly to myself. We tell the kids that if they don’t like something, they just don’t eat it, but they are not to talk about how yucky it is.

These things have worked for us, but we did them from birth. Girls still won’t eat hard candy, hotdogs, or jelly. But they eat broccolli, seaweed, and black beans.

15

BoringDad - We weren’t allowed sugared cereals, so a bowl of ceral meant rice krispies, cheerios or raisin bran. And we weren’t much a dessert family. It probably helped that my mother is a very good cook, so her meals smelled good cooking, looked nice and tasted better. There wasn’t candy lying around, but there was always fruit.

My sister allowed her children to choose a box of sugared cereal as part of their birthday treat. They’d roam the cereal aisle at the grocery store for a couple weeks prior to the big day, trying to choose just the right forbidden treat. Other than that they didn’t get it.

Also, when we were kids we weren’t allowed soda except on rare occassions, like being home sick from school. Then you’d get a juice glass full and that was it. Other than that we drank milk, water or kool-aid.

As I think of it now, my parents had far more foods that were forbidden or only for grownups, then they had food they’d make us eat.

StG

16

I go with the “eat what we serve or eat cold cereal” philosophy. I’m not a short-order cook, but I’m not going to force my kid to eat something she hates. This was what I grew up with,* and it seemed to work OK–I still don’t like split-pea soup, that’s all.

But I have been blessed with very unpicky children so far–I don’t know what I’d do with a kid like the OP’s, except that I agree that turning it into a power struggle is not the way to go.

*Mom was adamantly against forcing children to eat, after a traumatic incident with spaghetti in her youth.

StG, like you, we had many forbidden foods. Half a can of soda was a big treat, and cereal featuring chocolate or marshmallows was downright decadent and wrong…

17

My husband and I were both picky eaters as children so to some extent I respect my son’s right to not like foods. That said, we use a number of the gentler strategies already suggested here to keep him on a path to healthy eating with some variety.

One thing that hasn’t yet been mentioned: engage the child in food preparation. My son is much more eager to eat something that he helped make. Recent hit: a lemony chicken picatta which had chicken breasts that had to be pounded flat before cooking.

18

In my house, none of us kids were picky at all. We would eat, or at the very least try, everything. My friend’s problem is completely alien to me. The closest I can remember is that we had a rule at our house: you could pick out any cereal you wanted but you had to finish the box before you got a new one. I picked out Captain Crunch peanutbutter and found it to be horrid, which was really rare for me. The box was in the pantry for 6 weeks before my mom felt sorry for me. To this day I loathe the stuff!

back to the OP:

I think that if he were a typical ‘discriminating’ eater, there wouldn’t be much of a problem. The fact is, as I mentioned, he’s getting worse and quite frankly, my friend is sick of it. She’s sick of the throwing up at the table, etc. I definately agree that a power struggle is not the way to go, but it almost seems as if he is intent on making into one.

I suggested to her to have her teach him to cook something! I’ll report back.

19

I have a friend, who used to post to this board, who to this day exists primarily off of bacon, french fries, cashew nuts, and Dr Pepper. litterally, if we go anywhere to eat, it has to be a place that serves bacon or french fries or we do go. He’s in his 40’s, and thats all he ever eats.

20

IANAP, but I remember asking my mom once about this issue. I asked her how she dealt with any pickiness amongst my sisters and me, when we were little. (I couldn’t remember any pickiness issues and wondered if she’d encountered any.)

My mom’s answer was very simple. When she was a new mother, she got some sage advice from an older lady, who said, “I never knew of a child who wouldn’t eat for three days.”

This method has been used many times and, barring some pressing medical condition with the child, seems to work pretty well. Offer the kid the food, and if they refuse, that’s just fine. They won’t get anything else, but they won’t be forced to eat anything. Sooner or later they’ll get hungry enough to eat what is given to them.

I used to babysit a girl who was a picky eater. Her eating issues seemed to have some sort of emotional or “power” component. I remember that it was an issue and we did discuss it a bit, but I know I didn’t carry on too much or try to force her to eat anything. And eventually, I got tired of fretting over her since I knew it wouldn’t do any good. There was this one time where I specifically did not think of her when preparing some food, assuming that she’d take care of her self (as usual). She got offended because I didn’t offer the dish I’d prepared to her, and I was puzzled. She’d always refused and I got sick of asking. I stopped paying attention to her eating, in other words. I think that may have been part of the reason why she was upset. She wanted the attention.

As the aforementioned picky eater girl got older, she eventually outgrew her pickiness. I think she found that other people (outside of her family or circle of friends) simply weren’t going to help accomodate her. And so she adjusted. I think that’s probably true for many formerly picky eaters.