I just recently re-watched Diamonds are Forever on a DVD full of extras, so I got to see the excised footage at long last. I also got to see the “making of…” documentary. What amazes me is that they all thought they were making a good film, whereas this has always been my least favorite of the Connery Bonds – even when I first saw it. In their mind, they were re-assembling the team that had made Goldfinger, and were hoping to repeat its success. They got the same scriptwriter, the same director, the same Shirley Bassey to do the theme song. And when UA insisted, they dropped their plans for John Gavin as an “American” James Bond and reverted to Sean Connery, with his usual backup of Bernard Lee, Lois Maxwell, and Desmond Llewelyn as “M”, Moneypenny, and “Q”. Ken Adams did his usual magic with the sets, and they tried to duplicate the “Fleming sweep”. They departed from Fleming’s book, big time, but they’d already done that with You Only Live Twice, so what was the big deal?
Then they turned out a film filled with unanswered questions and blatant stupidities The “American Gangsters” that co-scripter Tom Mankiewicz was supposed to be so good at were embarrassing caricatures. Plenty O’Toole’s role has been cut so thin it doesn’t make sense. Banbi and Thumper, such wonderfully formidable foes, basically give up when dumped in the water. Blofeld’s getaway looks like the buildup to something bigger, and fizzles out disappointingly (They were evidently going to have a chase sequence, somewhat like in the previous film, [On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, but they ran out of money and time – they blame Connery’s huge salary. But they should’ve arranged something better than what they have.)
Even ignoring that it would’ve taken longer than they show to get Bond sealed up in a pipe, it’s incredibly dumb and lazy. Putting Bond in a section of pipe to be buried? What if he woke up early? What if – as seems way to likely – someone noticed him in the pipe before it got buried? What the hell kind of send-off is that, in any case?
Too many of the effects seemed absurdly bad (the hinged hillock-with-a-fake-cactus exit in the desert, the bad matted explosions off helicopters attacking the oil rig, the disappointing “laser” attacks, the obvious dummy of Putter Smith as Mr. Kidd when he gets his Just Reward at the end, and so on.
And this was the first Bond movie that I saw when it was just released. At least it was a bit better than Roger Moore’s first outing in Live and Let Die.
And I have to agree that the idea of a “famous secret agent” is a complete oxymoron.