To clarify the title: Say you have a woman in front of you with a nice body. Would it be more attractive if she was relaxed with her workout/eating habits and just naturally had a nice body, or if you knew that she was a bit fastidious about making sure that she worked out regularly and ate healthy? (Though maybe fastidious is too gentle of a word. I’m thinking of something kind of in the realm of past fastidious. Neurotic? Obsessed? Maybe not quite that extreme, but close. Preoccupied, maybe.)
Just wondering because yesterday my husband told me that knowing how hard I worked for my body made me hotter (in his eyes), and it surprised me because I had thought that the precise opposite was true. I figured that the attractive woman was the one who could lounge on the couch and eat burgers and fries and somehow still stay thin, but since I can’t do that, I’m just doing what I have to do. Though it does make some sense in me, since good work ethic is generally thought of as an attractive quality. But I also remember reading on these boards before that many people are turned off by the idea of a woman who goes to the gym every day, because she seems too high maintenance.
Overall, I was just wondering. Not going to change my behavior, of course, but I’m curious to see whether his opinion differs from the majority opinion here.
Speaking in generalities, I think positive characteristics that are “earned” through hard work are always more attractive than ones that are inherited.
There’s a real concern that a “naturally good bodied” person will be more likely to let themselves go later in life because they haven’t acquired good habits.
If it is a obsession which interfere with the relationship it is a turnoff. If it’s one of those true miracle babes who can eat anything and does it would be hard on my end since I can’t do that, and that would also be a turnoff. In the middle is the turn on. Some degree of healthy eating and working out, but not overly obsessed with it and can go off it at times.
When I was younger I thought men could be extraordinarily clueless about such things. Guys liked it that I had an attractive slender figure. They liked it that I had a good appetite and ate stuff like burgers and pasta instead of picking at salads and fruit plates like other women they knew.
But they didn’t seem to connect the two. They didn’t seem to understand that I could eat the way I did and stay thin because I was extremely lucky. And they didn’t understand that the other women ate the way they did to maintain their figures.
Yes!!! I haven’t been single in six years, but the last time I was, I remember how men would complain about women who would just order a salad or pick at their food when they would take the women out. They wanted their women to order hearty meals and eat them, but they were disgusted by the bodies that typically accompanied women with hearty appetites.
I like the kind of body that comes with the hard work, that is muscular rather than just naturally thin. So my vote is that the hard working body is hotter.
My wife spends hours at the Krav Maga gym every week. She works her ass off and I really respect that. And I’ve managed to not be alarmed at the bruises.
From a superficial/physical standpoint, I couldn’t care less whether her body was the result of good genetics or hard work. If I find the person attractive, I’ll find them attractive. However, if it turns out they’re committed to working hard for results, then that speaks to their personality and a level of discipline. The latter is a quality I do find admirable.
As to being too high maintenance, that would manifest in a few other ways/habits, which could be a turnoff. However, a daily routine which involves the gym, by itself, wouldn’t be an issue, IMO.
I’ve never made any connection like this, personally. It’s not something I would even know, unless I were spending time around the person, regularly. How a person manages to look attractive, just isn’t a factor for me, in this context.
I’m good either way. Truly obsessive fitness is a bit of a turn off, unless you’re naturally active, like a rock climber or a racing cyclist or something.
Not that I am in any position to judge, I’m a scruffy lazy pudgy slob.
A slender body is hotter than a flabby one. A good work ethic is hotter than being a slob.
That being said, if it gets to the point where it’s obsessive, that would be a big turn-off.
A couple of weeks ago, an older friend (early 70s) shared a bit of wisdom: “never marry a woman with a flat belly.” I asked him why, and he said that a flat belly would indicate that she’s fixated on that and wouldn’t be much fun. He wasn’t directing it at me, just in general; my wife is 56 and when she’s lying down, I can make our her six-pack outline. Which I think is hot.
My last GF was a gym rat. And yes, it was a TOTAL turn on.
If I’m being honest though, eating was a pain in the ass with her. When we would go out, she would strike down 90% of the places I suggested. NO chain restaurants, and NO restaurants she deemed too expensive despite the fact that I was the one paying.
Also, she didn’t eat “meals”. She would usually pick one thing like cheese and crackers and pick at it all day long. (maybe a salad for lunch). That in itself isn’t a bother, but when family is visiting, and they want to go out for lunch and then again for dinner, she hated it.
She didn’t eat red meat, I love red meat. So cooking at home became boring after a while.
I guess I should add none of the above is why we broke up. Lol.
I’d find both attractive. The one who works for it might have a bit of an edge due to mental discipline etc. BUT, I’d be unlikely to approach them because I am not similarly disciplined.
I also like plump curvy ones, who are the ones I’ve tended to end up with.
I may be the exception here but … work at it is hot; work at it really hard is a turn-off. Something about 2 hour a day routines and always thinking about something may affect your body/physical image always struck me as a little narcissistic for lack of a better term right now.
As someone who works out, I don’t do it to be thin. I do it to be strong and fit.
I do watch my portion control, but I also eat cheesecake. I am not too worried about the number on the scale because it’s misleading. I’m at the high end of my BMI, but a lot of it is muscle, and I can fit quite easily into the smaller sizes.
Maybe here, but IRL your attitude seems to be the norm. I’ve encountered it an awful lot. Even being married and off the market, people sometimes feel the need to tell me that I’m too preoccupied with my body and that I shouldn’t worry so much about working out and what I eat, like that’s somehow they’re business. (Though I will emphasize that I’m NOT saying it’s none of your business. I asked a question and you responded with your opinion, so in this case, it’s totally legit that you’re saying that.) But that’s also why I was a bit surprised to hear it from my husband. Some people say my discipline/dedication is admirable, some think it’s creepy and excessive, but I’m not used to hearing people say that my preoccupation in particular is anything attractive.
I work out to be strong and fit, too. But my question was whether the tendency towards making fitness a central component of your life was a turn-off. I’m not sure what your response has to do with my question.
I know that a lot of what is held out for women to aspire to is self-contradictory, so I apologize for contributing to that here, but what’s a turn-on is when a woman appears to be doing whatever she wants to do, for her own reasons, with no discernable obsession with making herself an object of guys’ attentions, but who just incidentally happens to have yummy female shapes. The latter of which, I suppose, benefits from whatever activities results in one being toned and kept taut and all that.
ETA: If a woman is an exercise and fitness junkie, it is not a turn-off if she’s doing it because she likes being physically active, likes being in shape for her own reasons etc; it’s only off-putting if it comes across as something she’s doing just to market herself to guys as desirable.
To me, there is a difference. Someone who works out will have a noticeable muscle tone that the other one won’t. Even though I would find both women attractive, I would give the nod to the one who works out.
