Many years ago, I ordered something through the company that does Reader’s Digest Condensed Books, and was similarly spammed. When it reached the point of a daily item, I wrote “DECEASED” on an envelope and dropped it in the mailbox down the street. 
I was afraid that it might have other consequences, but nothing happened except for one thing: the deluge stopped within a week. I just might try this on the next AARP mailing.
Pffft. Piker. I made their mailing list…at 16! I hadn’t even started working yet; don’t you need to start working before you can retire?
I’d love to sympathize with ya,Tripler, but as a boney fidee retired person, you are their rightful prey. Sorry, old bean.
Bullshit. I am the predator. If I want/need anything from them, they’ll hear from me. I don’t need to be informed/reminded of an untimely demise.
I am going to try this. What could go wrong?
Tripler
This might work for those credit card applications I get too. . .
I would estimate that 90% of what I get in the mail goes directly in to the recycle bin. AARP is bad, but they are hardly the worst offender (that goes to my alma mater, which simply will not leave me the fuck alone even though I have never answered a single mailing in about 40 years).
You would have been better off heading north on the same street and hitting the Asian buffet after the big set of lights at 53rd (I’m blanking on the restaurant’s name…). If you go during lunch or dinner hours the food is always hot and they have both traditional (found at every chain Asian buffet), sushi, U Pick It stir fry and Western food (like mac n cheese or fried mozzarella sticks).
My husband insists on hitting Golden Corral at least once out of every three times we go out to eat and I end up eating mainly a green salad with some fried shrimp. I can deal with that every 5 months or so.
I haven’t started getting AARP mailings (yet… I’m 42, I figure it’s only a matter of time) but like you my alma mater bombards me with mailings and emails. I hadn’t been out of school a week when they started hitting me up to join the alumni association. This week they’ve emailed me at least five times already to take some stupid survey and I got a postcard today reminding me to take the survey.
The other junk mail blizzard I get is from National Geographic. I ordered one book from them several years ago as a Christmas gift for my grandmother. Ever since then I get at least one mailing a week trying to get me to buy more books. Sometimes it’s even for the book I bought from them already.
I’ve got three alma maters. One I donate to, the other two paid me to attend, so I’m sure not going to change the direction of money now. And MIT sends me a high class magazine for free, so it is a good deal.
The worst offenders for me are AT&T and Comcast, who are both extremely annoyed that I don’t use their cable service and are going to bury me under a ton of junk mail to avenge this insult.
And when I hit Medicare age, I got buried, and still do, but only around sign up time.
Well, if we’re going to humble brag ( 
), my second alma mater sends me some pretty cool magazines to read, too. I went there instead of choosing MIT.
Funny you mention Comcast. I cannot get their service at my house (I tried when I moved in). Nonetheless, they constantly mail me invitations to use their service. I guess it’s cheaper to mail to everyone then crosscheck their service area.
Tripler, if I understand the process correctly, most of this type of mail is a one-way ticket; they (AARP, AAA, &c) don’t pay enough postage to return the item, so any attempt at two-way communication is for nought, sorry to say 
Which is why I’m very choosy about what I sign up for
I’m tired of all the appeals for alumni donations that Juilliard and the Sorbonne keep sending me. :mad:
I thought of this thread when cleaning out a closet today and sorting through a pile of crap including unopened junk mail. Sure enough, there was a come-on from AARP offering a “free” tote bag in return for joining, but I had to act by March 10, 2016.
There are worse things than AARP junk solicitations.
I just got an envelope in the mail with no return name (but a local address on Cemetery Rd.) and an admonition on the bottom of the envelope reading “Time Waits For No One”.
Uh-oh.
Turns out it’s from the Neptune Society, which “has been recognized for over 40 years as the largest and most trusted cremation expert in the United States”.
With a name like the Neptune Society, shouldn’t they be offering to sew your corpse in a canvas bag and sink it to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean?
See, they’re trusted “because we focus only on simple cremation”. Unlike the other guys, who’re into razzle-dazzle like placing your remains into a fireworks canister and having you explode over the fairgrounds on the Fourth of July.
If I act now, they will send me a free copy of the Cremation Answer Book. Might be fun to don a patient gown and wander through the hospital corridors reading it.
I’ve gotten mail from the local funeral home trying to get me to pre-order my funeral. I was supposed to act fast, since the offer had a deadline.
Which shows the satire of yesterday is the junk mail of today. 50 years ago Cracked Magazine ran a spoof of ads, including one from a funeral parlor offering a big discount, that ended “This offer expires in one month, so you are respectfully requested to do the same.”
If you look closely at it*, you will see that a lot of the mail ‘from AARP’ is actually sent by ‘affiliate companies’ that want to sell you something. They just bought AARP’s mailing list and the use of their name/logo to send you their ads.
So let’s talk Fingerhut magazines. I have never ordered from or requested their lovely catalogue. Why the hell do they think I might? We have used the mags for firestarter for years. They actually burn clean. My brother thinks they are connected to the mafia. They want everyone to owe them for 6 years for a set of cheap towels or dishes. He says you never really get them paid off if you ever buy anything.
My solicitation came with a postage-paid return envelope addressed to the Cremation Information Center (which is located in Kutztown, PA, a fact that the local Chamber of Commerce is no doubt publicizing). I’m tempted to put it in the mail with an added note at the bottom of the envelope - Need Answer Fast.
Just once? I get one of those a couple times a month. Got one earlier this week with all the sale prices listed.
I could get a pretty nice funeral for under $3,000, according to them!!
^$3000. That would barely get you in the ground here. I might go for that. My Daddies funeral was nearly $8000. We were being somewhat cheap. And we already owned the grave site.
I think they might have been trying to entice me in with some deal that did not include all the charges. Just maybe!