AARP, your constant mail will start my campfires.

The BBQ Pit
1

Hi. I’m Tripler. I am forty years old.

AARP, I am fifteen years away from qualifying for your services, but I don’t give a shit. Whatever services you offer are for naught, 'cause I’m sick and tired of getting your goddamned advertisements in the mail. Whatever chowderhead spammer signed me up for your crap will have a special circle in Hell, but after two written letters to you to remove me, I still get your crap.

No. I am not going to buy your $12/year membership. Why not? Because I’m not a goddamned Senior Citizen. And even if I were, your aggressive advertising would sway me away from you. So stop with the flyers. Stop with the promotional offers. Stop with the ‘newsletters.’ Stop with the “scary” insurance alerts. Stop with the Jitterbug advertisements. Stop with the membership applications. I realize someone probably signed me up for this crap, but I’ve already told you twice to cease and desist. Knock it the fuck off.

Or, keep sending me crap. I could use to start some bonfires with your paperwork to light my kindling. It’s your fucking dime.

Tripler
. . . and get off my lawn.

2

I want to +1 that. I get so much crap from them. Not quite old enough yet. I started a box just to collect AARP and flyers for pre-pay funeral plans. It was so full we finally burned it. I am beginning think someone in the gov’ment knows something I don’t! Maybe I am 15 yrs older than I thought, I have always been tall for my age. My memory may be off a tad. I am getting paranoid now. If they have a bunch of money to waste on sending crap it seems a crime not to stop the bulk mailings and contribute to the aged folk who really need help.

3

And now they’ve noticed you. You’ll never be rid of them now. Thoughts and prayers.

4

Actually, ten for membership, unless they went back up in the last five years.

But yeah, goodness gracious they keep at you.

5

You are doomed. They’ll never delete you from their mailing list. Trust me on this one.

Their discounts are shitty, too. Better to be a member of AAA. Luckily, we have a fire pit out back and it looks to be chilly pretty soon.

6

They’d email you soft copies, but well… you know.

7

Eh. Did their smart driving unit to knock my auto insurance down 5%.

8

I get a senior discount if I arrive at certain restaurants for dinner before 5PM. Which is, like, golden because you’d have to be IN-SANE to go into a restaurant after 5PM these days!!

9

I have been to the Golden Corral exactly once. I was on a business trip in Davenport and I didn’t know what the Golden Corral was. It was, without exaggeration, the single worst restaurant experience I have ever had. I am frequently teased for having very… promiscuous… eating habits but I literally went hungry that night.

I’m 44 and if that’s what being old is, please euthanize me now.

10

Dude, you shoulda went to ‘Sizzlin’ !!

11

I wonder if Shagnasty’s hunny’s :stuck_out_tongue: family had anything to do with these avalanches of dead trees.

12

Tripler, aren’t you former military?

13

Yep. So?

Tripler
Oooh, landmines in the lawn—I see where you’re going with this.

14

Perhaps you do. :wink:

How long were you in?

15

Be careful what you wish.

I belong to AAA. So far, so good. But then one year I bought their traveler’s life insurance policy, or whatever they call it. Bad move.

It’s apparently sold by a separate company working under the AAA logo. After one year, I concluded that the coverage wasn’t the thing I needed. That was at least 10 years ago. From that day to this, it would take a rocket-powered forklift to carry out all the junk mail I’ve gotten from them. They’ve surely spent more on junk mail to me in the last 10 years than I ever paid in premiums for that one year.

There’s just no getting them to stop, either. I couldn’t do it. Phone calls couldn’t do it. Intervention from my local AAA office couldn’t do it.

16

AARP is worse than fucking Scientology. I signed up for a year right after I turned 50. Those bastards started dunning me to re-up only 3 months into my year’s membership. I cancelled
on the spot. Routed all their email to my auto-delete spam killing thingy. Still get almost weekly mailings begging me to re-up. They’ve dropped the price from $16 down to $12. I’m not having it.
Fuck those guys.

17

I had membership for a year. I was trying to get a discount on car insurance. They couldn’t meet the price I already pay. I let it lapse.

Since then, they have destroyed many forests with mailing to try to get me back. If I signed back up and was a member for 30 years, I don’t think it would cover the cost of the paper already sent to me.

18

I retired just about sixteen years. The Air Force was offering early retirements, so I applied, and my luck hit. Two weeks later I started up here doing damn near the same thing (just a bigger yield).

I am the youngest, ‘crusty old bastard’ I know. And AARP can suck their own Geritol.

Tripler
I’ve just started labelling their mail “RTS.”

19

I got 20% at Denny’s with their card, but I forwent renewing. Now their junk mail piles up with AT&T Universe and Geico in my recycle bin.

20

heh because of the health act and my disability is on my dads retirement through ssa the gov has me on Medicare and the medicine plan was through aarp … I spent 6 months telling 50 sales call a day I was only 38…