I put my headphones in when my wife switches to E!. I’ve heard enough about J-Lo, J-Law, K-Stew, Scar-Jo, etc. to last me a lifetime. And I don’t care how many children Brangelina have in their ever growing Army of the Apocalypse.
I grew up in a conservative, pro-life, religious family. I call eggs chicken abortions any time I’m looking to annoy my relatives.
And that’s 90% of the joke.
Says the person who used to write for a game where people could conjure magic shrooms until one of the bosses got her panties in a tizzy and made the head programmer change the Conjure Food spell. Ever since, people have been eating their bananas, their dates, their nuts… but no magic shrooms, no, no!
When I was younger, I used a good bit of slang like Ravenman.
I called God “Bog”, I called my brother my “brat”, when something is big I’d say it was “bolshy”, I called a cigarette “cancer”, I called a cup a “chasha”, my friends I called my “droogs”, a young woman was referred to as a “devotchka”, if I was annoyed I was “fashed”, jam that I would put on my bread was “jammiwam”, a boy was a “malchick”, “skilliwol” was school…
Viddy well, my little Brothers…it was real horrorshow.
I talk like this occasionally… well really all the time and it annoys the hell out of my wife. I initially did it as a joke, but she says it was never funny and now I do it so often that it’s just part of me, it just sort of comes out. I can’t stop it. I need a support group or something.
My latest is “epi” for episode. Like, I’ll ask her “do you want to watch an epi of transparent tonite?” and she ignores me.
Similarly, “the 'Nati” for Cincinnati. Barf!
Testify!
And I read, just seconds ago, a post in another thread on this board wherein someone mentioned getting “all the feels” when referring to being emotionally moved by something. Christ, whenever I read that (and it’s ALWAYS online; I never actually hear anyone saying it in real life), I want to reach through my computer screen, rip out their curled-just-so mustache whisker by whisker, and set their skinny jeans on fire. Then they’d have the “feels”.
This isn’t an abbreviation or diminutive, but “baby bump.” HATE that expression!
Coming from that particular poster, I thought it was pretty funny. He/she isn’t usually one of the feeliest folks!
Most kids have 2 of each. ‘Grandmother Louis, Grandfather Steven’ is pretty formal and a mouthful for young children learning to speak. If the kids pick the name and the adults stick with it, especially if it distinguishes them from their counterpart-in-law, its endearing.
Nevertheless, they should still be set alight atop a massive pile of Neutral Milk Hotel vinyl (but of course).
What about “have a sad”? Are we OK with this?
Or saying a question is an “ask”?
Because those make my eyeballs nearly roll out of my skull.
Correction: “haz a sad.” And we are perfectly OK with this, in the proper context.
While I never thought Grandma G or Grandpa P was too hard to say, I really don’t have a problem with something the kids make up when they can’t talk. Kids are sweet.
What annoys me is when the grown up decides before the baby says word 1 that her nickname will be Noni or Gigi or Mimi or whatever. I’m at that age where tons of my friends are becoming grandmas but none of them want to admit they are grandma-aged so I see this a lot.
While I’m on board your general point, Noni I can understand, as it is presumably a variation on Nonna, which is Italian for Grandmother.
A coworker is called GG by her granddaughter, for “grandma gorgeous”. In her defense, she is a lovely 42 year old woman, so I say thumbs up.
What about “pappy”?
My parents were both only children. My dad died yeas ago, then when my mom died last year I realized I was the oldest in my family. At a family dinner I pointed this out and demanded everyone call me pappy from that point on. I was drunk and shoulda been ignored. But it has stuck.
One that really annoys me is referring to heating something in a microwave as ‘nuking’ it. Because it just shows an abysmal failure to understand science – microwaves have nothing whatsoever to do with nuclear reactions. (Unless maybe your electricity comes from a nuclear generating plant.)
Actually, I’ve heard that this was originally a ‘scare term’, pushed by the makers of conventional ovens early on when they thought that they would lose all their sales to microwave ovens, so they tried to get people to associate them with nuclear bombs/radiation. Don’t know if that’s actually true, though.
You mean Tom Haverford, on Parks & Recreation 
In my case, I started calling my maternal grandmother “mee mee” on my own, but my cousins (older) apparently got me to call her Granny. Then, I started calling my paternal grandmother “Granny” also, but to distinguish herself, she added a “B” onto the end since it was her first initial. So I had “Granny” and “Granny B”.
Interestingly enough, another cousin and my brother shortened that to “Be-be”, so on that side of the family, she’s only “Granny B” to me, but she’s both “Be-be” and “Granny B” to all the younger cousins.
As far as the male side goes, apparently the paternal grandfathers have been “Granddaddy” for a long time now; my dad’s the third or fourth in a row, and I pretty much expect that if my children have kids, I’ll be the fifth Granddaddy in a row.
My maternal grandfather was “Gramps”, and that came from my older cousins as well. No idea how it came about otherwise.