Cecil’s getting ready to retire, or she should be as it’s about that time. You can feel it in the air, however like Virginia’s Santa Claus there must always be a Cecil. So who’s in the wings as batter up to be Cecil’s Kim Jong Eun?
Cecil is eternal.
The Dread Pirate Roberts.
Cecil has already regenerated 10 times since 1973 and soon will undergo a transformation into a new physical form and a somewhat different personality… wait… nevermind.
“I am not the real Dread Pirate Roberts,” he said. “My name is Ryan. I inherited the ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts, either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired fifteen years and living like a king in Patagonia!” Then he explained that the *name *was the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the dread pirate Westley. So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew, and he stayed aboard for a while as first mate, all the time calling me Roberts. Once the crew believed, he left the ship, and I have been Roberts ever since.
Five random chocolate bars will contain a golden ticket, allowing the bearer a special tour of Cecil’s secret headquarters. Over the course of that tour, four of the five people will be horribly killed or injured due to their inability to restrain their baser instincts and the fifth will be given ownership of the Straight Dope empire (after having to suffer through a series of tortuous songs sung by a group of preachy midgets).
She got it. 
What makes you think it hasn’t already happened?
Pay no attention to the Fierra behind the curtain.
Well, truth be told, modesty (and an iron-clad NDA) compels me to stay silent on this matter…
Cecil is dead - long live Cecil! 
There never was a Cecil. There is no Cecil. There will be no Cecil.
It is all in your mind.
So… Cecil has retired to the barn house, thrown a slanket over his shoulders and proceeded to write his memoirs.
Disappointing that he would slide off like that, vanishing like an octopus into his own turgid ink cloud.
As long as the Sun rises in the east, water is wet and ignorance needs to be fought, there will always be a Cecil. Depend upon it.
(Speaking Officially)
Cecil is not interested in retiring anytime soon, and the Straight Dope will continue on indefinitely, barring some major disaster or cosmic event. The column is doing very well from many standpoints and has maintained a high popularity and quality.
If Cecil did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
Look! Cecil does exist and still showers us all with wisdom! It’s a Leap Day Miracle!