Academic titles

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m not talking about “Associate Professor of Linguistics”. That I can live with.

What gets my blood pressure up are these high-level factotums with inflated, multi-functional titles that go on, and on, and on… Engineering professors are often the worst offenders, followed closely by medicine professors.

Here are some real-life examples, not at all uncommon, of what I’m talking about:

Professor I. Babuska, Robert Trull Chair of Engineering, Senior Research Scientist at the Texas Institute of Computational and Applied Mechanics, and Professor of Aerospace Engineering and Engineering Mechanics

Professor G. Carey, Director of the Computational Fluid Dynamics Laboratory of the Texas Institute of Computational and Applied Mechanics, Richard B. Curran Centennial Chair in Engineering, and Professor of Aerospace Engineering and Engineering Mechanics

Professor C. Whitacre, Professor of Molecular Virology, Immunology and Medical Genetics, Professor of Internal Medicine and of Pathology and Chair, Department of Molecular Virology, Immunology and Medical Genetics

Gimme a fucking break. Any one of those titles would give the impression of a full-time job if that were the only title. For instance, if Carey introduced himself as Director of the Computational Fluid Dynamics Laboratory of the Texas Institute of Computational and Applied Mechanics, I’d assume he had his hands full 40 hours a week. But no! - he’s also a chairman of something, in addition to his duties as a professor of two different subjects! The man must work 160 hours a week - he must have the power of time dilation. I suppose the reason this is encouraged is so that the university can claim that four positions are being filled, while they only have to write one paycheck.

Do these people realize how ridiculous their titles sound? It’s irritating enough when a housewife refers to herself as a “domestic engineer”, but this goes way beyond that. If my mom followed the same rules, she’d have been Domestic, Logistic, and Transportation Engineer, Professor of Elementary School Studies, and Chairwoman of the Committee on Punishments and Bedtimes. And academics wonder how they got a reputation for snobbery.

2

Aw, give 'em a break. It’s a jungle in there. And the man probably did work 160 hours a week–at least before those titles were conferred upon him.

3

While time dilation is not necessary to fit 160 hours of work in a week, I doubt if anyone has ever done that. It only leaves eight hours of non-work over the course of the week.

4

Regressor Sofa King, Director, Fermented Malt Fluid Dynamics Research Laboratory of Whitlow’s On Wilson (On Sabbatical); Senior Consultant, Tetrahydrocannabinol Vaporization Program, Washington, DC; Lucasian Professor of Intercourse Abatement Strategy, Bedroom; Hive Mind Overlord, Colony Tinea Cruris, Frumundaderr.

At your service.

5

Hmmm . . .

So if someone happens to be a Professor in four different departments, he should be modest and not say so?

How about me?

Andros Haldane, Automated Systems Administrator, <technical library>, <parent company>.

Not acceptable? Am I just being pretentious?

6

Well, fer one thing, endowed chairs are usually named. Holding that position is not only an honor, but benefactors often gave moolah to the position under the idea that the name (either a memorial or honor thing) would always be stated with the overall title.

You gotta cut these academics a break. Unless they got ties to industry or a medical school, they can be tops in their field and still not be pulling in huge bucks. Titles, me friends, is all they got.

But, more practically, multiple appointments are common on University campuses. Partly it’s the rise of interdisciplinarity. Also, some appointments (say to research centers, directorships, etc) may not have a tenure line. Tenure comes from another department…and to other academics, that’s important as well as it’s important (crucial) to know that someone is, in fact, a faculty member in addition to their other jobs on campus. For example, a Provost will usually retain their appointment in their home department even if they don’t have time to teach there. That’s because being a member of the faculty is important for their credibility and authority.

Wow, way to screw up a good rant by offering a bunch of boring explanations, huh?!?

Titles are like committees on university campuses. They multiply.

7

in my more craven moments, ive asked my friends to refer to me as “herr doktor professor essvee”

its quite uplifting, really.

8

In the grand scheme of things, why do you care what someone else calls himself? If you think someone strings out titles to impress the world and large and you’re not impressed, so what?

I’m a degreed engineer. I work as an engineer. I think people who call themselves engineers as a means of self-aggrandizement are pathetic pretenders - if you fix bicycles, you’re not by default a “personal conveyance engineer” - but I’m not going to get my panties in a wad over that.

But maybe that’s just me…

9

Well, I am a doctor, but I can’t get anyone to afford me the appropriate respect. Screw this pansy-ass “SuaSponte, Esq.” crap; it’s DOCTOR SuaSponte to you.

Sua

10

You’re not really trying to pass off a J.D. as a real doctorate, are you? :wink:

11

When my brother graduated with his JD this spring, he and my father made a pact that if my brother wouldn’t call himself “doctor”, my father (a Doctor of Pharmacy) wouldn’t practice law.

The one lawyer I knew who wanted people to call him “doctor” on the basis of his JD was a world-class egotistical prick of the finest order. Obviously.

Robin

12

There once was a man from Esser
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser
It at last was so small
He knew nothing at all
And now he is a college professor.

:smiley:

13

You do realize that many of these people don’t care, and in some respects don’t even have much choice in their title? I see these things listed all the time, but they’re in school publications that they have nothing to do with.

They get hired to teach X subject, and are given Y chair for it–now they’re stuck with that title in all the school literature. All my professors have long things like the ones above, and these are people who I call by first name, and who invite students over to their house for beers. Inflated egos my ass.

14

My “day job” is teaching 5th grade AP. I teach evening classes at a nearby college in children’s and adolescent lit, and a summer school course that alternates between the two. I am classified as an instructor, as all are part-time teachers. I couldn’t care less what my title is.

My experience has been that most don’t really care a whole lot about formal titles, and those really long titles you refer to are used only in official, formal situations. For most, the job is the important thing.

There is, however, a small, very vocal minority who take their titles very seriously, and who look down on anyone who is “just an instructor” These tend to be those heavily involved in school politics. There are those who resent that I teach a children’s lit class that is required for all elementary ed majors, and an adolescent lit class that is required of all secondary English ed majors, solely because I am not a “professor”, but exactly why upper level required courses shouldn’t be taught by “instructors” is something I’ve never quite understood.

Wanna know how to tell if a college academic takes his title too seriously? Address someone with a Ph.D. as Mr. or Ms. If he/she takes his title too serously, you will quickly be corrected and asked to use the title Dr.

15

Dang it. It’s not really my fault. The English language needs an gender-neutral third-person singular pronoun with which to refer to people.

16

Sigh. A gender-neutral pronoun. No wonder I’m just an instructor.

17

Hey! I got the three stripes on the sleeve of my gown; that’s proof, isn’t it?!!

18

I have an instructor who is a lawyer and INSISTS he be refered to as “Dr. Yadda-Yadda (no name, please), Esquire.”

Just irritates the hell out me.

19

very seriously when my Hispanic superintnedent came to me with heart trouble and said, “doctore, doctore, please help me.” I had to explain that I wasn’t a “real” doctor.

On the other hand I am better educated and more knowledgable and better read than practically all the MD’s I know, not to mention as smart or smarter.

20

Not to mention more modest, too. :rolleyes: