Thanks, Joe. I’m glad it actually makes some sense. But it is indeed still dumb.
I think the idea is “if they’re so confident in the drug’s quality that they’re willing to give you a sample for free, knowing that you will be so impressed by its quality that you will then make purchases which cover the cost of the free sample; then it must be good”.
But yeah, awkwardly phrased.
There’s a car dealership around here that claims:
“Our goal is to beat the other guys by at least $300-$800!!”
(spoken as “three to eight hundred dollars”)
At least a range. My head explodes every time I hear it.
For my mother’s cooking when I was growing up, I would have settled for simply, “Add flavor.” 
Local advertising jingle with a line that drives me completely up the wall:
"Two Rivers Casino Resort - Home-Spun fun bar none!"
It makes no freakin’ sense whatsoever. It’s a complete non-sequitur! “Bar none” is a colloquialism that roughly means “all are welcome”, i.e. the door won’t be barred to keep anybody out. It is most commonly coupled with a phrase such as “We’re the best”. It’s meant to be a term of comparison, indicating that “We/our product is the best/biggest/cheapest/fastest/whatever, bar none”. “Bar none” meaning, in this usage, “we gladly accept all challengers”, or “no challenger will be turned away”.
So if the casino said, “The most fun, bar none”, it would be a proper use of the term. It would be the same as saying, “More fun than every other casino”. The qualifier* (most, best, greatest, fastest, etc.) needs to be in there. For another example, “That is the worst jingle I’ve ever heard, bar none!”
“Home-spun” is not a qualifier, and thus “bar none” makes no sense in the context in which it has been used. What it actually indicates is a jingle writer making a feeble attempt to sound down-home country by stringing together a few down-home country phrases that happen to rhyme.
*qual·i·fi·er –noun
- a person or thing that qualifies.
2. Grammar.
a. a word that qualifies the meaning of another, as an adjective or adverb; modifier.
b. an adverb that modifies adjectives or other adverbs and typically expresses degree or intensity, as very, somewhat, or quite.
I agree with you that the example makes no sense, but that’s not what I take “bar none” to mean. It’s not to do with “all are welcome”, or “barring the door” to anyone; it simply means “without exception”.
“We’re the best, bar none” simply means “We’re the best, with no exceptions.” Dictionary link.
Regarding homeopathic/natural remedies:
Because the products in question are classified as supplements, not as drugs, and that’s a distinction the manufacturerer wants clear and forever. Once the product claims to heal, it must be classified as a drug and is then regulated by the FDA. I have a small natural spa products business and I have to be very careful when writing my copy to use words like ‘beneficial’ ‘essential’ ‘soothing’ ‘therapeutic’ rather than the dreaded ‘healing’. Such lofty claims would mean the end for me.
“Bar none” also might be a pun, seeing as this is a casino, and “bar” is a common symbol seen on slot machines.
Same difference. “Bar” literally means “stop” or “prevent”, so we’re basically saying the same thing. You just said it more succinctly than I did 
I knew a guy who had a sign by his front door that said “The Bar None Ranch (except peddlers).” In this case, it’s a play on cattle brands.
The only other place where I frequently see “bar” meaning “except” is on craps tables (another coincidence). Don’t come bets pay off on craps, except 2 (or sometimes 12), indicated with a “Bar 2”.
I saw a package of these on Friday – definite double-take.
Fresh from the cheese fields! Oookay, then.
That ad was for Focus Factor (a purported memory enhancer). Obviously, you didn’t take advantage of their free sample.
The logic I took from that statement was that it’s so good, we can give it away 'cause we know you’ll like it and want to buy more.
Oh, and what MaxTheVool said.
The angle I hate is: “may help reduce the risk of some types of cancer in men over 50.”
may (not “will”)?
help (“help”: that’s the best it can do, is “help”)?
reduce (not “eliminate”)?
some (not “all”)?
There are so many embedded conditional qualifiers there that the advertiser is basically saying nothing…
There’s a series of ads that play during some of the poker shows that are for absolutePoker.net (I think), very arty, black and white, featuring inner monologues from the likes of Phil Ivey and Chris Ferguson. I actually really like the ads, they’re well done. EXCEPT, one of them is talking about luck vs. skill, and it includes the line (paraphrased) “why else would final tables always contain so many familiar faces?”. Which is hilarious, because recently, given the explosion of internet poker, one of the defining things about poker is that you do NOT see familiar faces at final tables. The WSOP main event final table had ONE big name player. Most World Poker Tour events have zero, with one being unusual and two being miraculous.
You know, that’s a good point. I’ve heard people say they knew the moment they got pregnant, like it happened during the sex act. But you’re right, it would take a little while for the swimmer to make it all the way there.
This is the “if you sue us, we can say we told you so” ad campaign. Tylenol overdose is the leading cause of liver failure in the United States. Those ads are there to be introduced as evidence in case of tobacco-company-level-class action lawsuits. “We tried to get the word out not to take too much Tylenol, but the stupid consumers wouldn’t listen! Motion to dismiss, your honor!”
So how can you use “therapeutic”? Doesn’t that basically mean “healing”, except that it’s a technical term of medicine rather than an ordinary word?
And how do people live without something that is “essential”? Or is it not essential to your customers’ well-being, but rather essential to your financial health to sell the stuff?
I wonder about that too. Unless there’s more than meets the eye. For instance, maybe when you take it you have to refrain from eating for a period of time, or something like that.
My contribution is an old one (mid-1990’s, I believe), but still one that bothers me.
For Jaguar automobiles (a radio ad, and I’m paraphrasing):
“We have strongly committed to improving quality. We have fired 50% of the workforce.”
And in horse racing, when the odds are quoted, they’ll list the prices of the top 6 or 7 or so in the betting, and then say “16-1 bar” or whatever. That means that all the other runners are priced 16-1 or bigger.
My SIL says this happened to her. As they lay in bed afterward, she felt something change inside her–nothing she could really define or describe. She just knew it happened and she knew what it meant. She waited the appropriate time–no period. She took a test–negative. A week later–no period, test still negative. She had to get a blood test to confirm that she was indeed pregnant! Now, you might say that she came up with all this after she found out, but she told us all about it long before she took any tests.
What’s really funny though, is that she decided, just for kicks, to take a pg test when she was eight months along. The stupid thing STILL came out negative!