A while back, I got into a conversation with a coworker. She’s unable to have children biologically and she expressed interest in adoption. She caught my interest when she said she wanted to adopt a “minority” child. It wasn’t like she wouldn’t mind a minority child. She said she wanted one. I automatically assumed she meant black or Hispanic.
So it through me for a loop when she said she wanted a little Asian girl, citing the fact that it’s sad that they are unwanted over “there”. I suppose this is noble, but I was a little bothered by this. There are millions of kids in the US–many of them “minorities”–who have sad situations too. Why is abandonment on the other side of the globe worse than abandonment in your own backyard?
She went on to say that she thought that Asian girls were so damn cute. I think this is the real reason why she wants an Asian baby so badly, but I didn’t say this.
I had some questions for her that I didn’t want to ask, for fear of offending her.
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Is it easier to adopt children from non-US countries?
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Should parents who consider adopting “minorities” (however you want to define that word) be aware that being a “minority” comes with challenges? Also, what’s the deal with going out of your way to adopt a “minority”?
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Should “cuteness” come into play when adopting a child? Not a specific child, but a “type” of child. I don’t know. It just bothered me when she keyed in on the “cuteness” of Asian children. We aren’t talking about breeds of dogs! We’re talking about people.
The whole conversation skeeved me out and I’m not sure if I’m justified feeling this way. I was hoping someone who has adopted children, preferably from another country, could provide some insight.
You didn’t happen to mention whether this woman was a “minority,” but I’ll go ahead and assume that she isn’t.
I haven’t adopted any children from outside the country, but my aunt and uncle (who are Vietnamese) have. They have 4 boys already, and my aunt has desperately wanted a girl for as long as I can remember. They’ve even gone to doctors, but to no avail. In fact, their two youngest boys, the twins, are the result of going to a doctor for help.
They decided to adopt a little Vietnamese girl from Vietnam instead of one here for one main reason. They are well aware that there are “unwanted” Vietnamese babies here too, but they figured that these children would be more likely to be adopted and have a good life here without my aunt and uncle’s help. The living conditions in Vietnam however, are not as good as those here, so they wanted to give a little girl a much better life than she could have had in Vietnam.
Since the baby, Amanda, was brought over, it was apparent that she was indeed receiving better care here in the States. She was not malnourished, but she was small for her age. She’s grown considerably in the few months she’s been here already.
As to your questions,
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It didn’t seem to me that adopting the girl was very easy. My uncle had to fly back and forth to Vietnam several times before he was able to bring her back. The paperwork itself may have been easier, but the entire process was rather expensive and time consuming.
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If the woman’s motivation for adopting a “minority” child was to provide him or her with a better life, then I would think she is aware of the challenges ahead for the child. She said Asian girls are cute, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t thought about the hardships. I definitely think one should know what lies ahead before making a life-altering decision like this though.
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I don’t agree that cuteness should come into play, but I can see why it does come up. When you decide to adopt a child, you pretty much have your pick of the children available. If she’s already decided she wants a little Asian girl in a certain age range or something, I guess all that’s left for her to help decide is the girl’s cuteness.
She’s a white woman, from a rural background. She loves telling me about her racist, ultra-conservative family (her parents and siblings, etc.). It’s for this reason that I’m suspicious of her motives. It’s like she wants to show off her progressiveness by adopting a minority. She has no interest–as far as I can tell–in any particular Asian culture or tradition. She just wants “one” of them because she thinks they are cute.
I suppose I’m bothered because I see many Asian children being toted around by white parents in my town. But at the same time, I see plenty of black and Hispanic kids on the “Wednesday’s Child” segment on the news, looking for homes. The fact that someone would pass them over because their plight isn’t “special” enough or they aren’t “cute” enough (or they aren’t the “right” minority) works my nerves, I guess.
I’m trying to figure out why someone would be willing to go halfway across the world for a child when they don’t have to. But maybe they do? I don’t know.
Why is abandonment on the other side of the globe worse than abandonment in your own backyard?
Baby girls are regularly left on hillsides outdoors to die, particularly in China. Yes, babies are abandoned here, and sometimes in horrible ways, but it’s nowhere near as bad here as it is there.
The daughter of a now-deceased friend of mine adopted two Chinese girls. Why? Because for them to adopt in their own county (somewhere in Ohio), they would have had to wait 7 years. In their case, it WAS much easier to fly halfway across the world than to adopt domestically.
I have a cousin who has 2 kids of her own with her husband, who joined the military a few years ago and ended up having to learn Mandarin Chinese. They are “done” having biological kids but are considering adopting a Chinese kid or two sometime in the future – older kids, as their Dad would be able to talk to them in their language 
I think if it’s possible to give a person a much better life here in the US than in another country, then it should be done. This was my aunt and uncle’s logic. They know there are children here for adoption, but they will be adopted by families in the country and have better chances than children growing up in a poor country like Vietnam. It was for this reason that they were compelled to go halfway around the world several times to make this possible.
As far as your coworker, she may be a progressive thinker and be able to see past the racism she grew up with, but I don’t think she’s put any thought into how difficult it would be for an Asian girl to grow up with her family the way they are, let alone any other challenges that are present to “minorities” here.
Wanting to adopt an Asian girl just because she’s cute irks me, and the thought of it even offends me a little. The way you have presented her thoughts on this does make it sound like she’s trying to find herself a fun, pretty toy she can show off. Another person’s life should not be handled this way.
I find it odd that you see many white parents with Asian children in your town. I only know two instances of that around here.