Has anyone adopted a child not because of fertility problems or an inability to have bio-kids, but just because you have room and space and love in your life for another kid?
My husband and I have thought seriously about adopting a slightly-older (like toddler age) child once we’ve had all the biological kids we feel compelled to. I’m pregnant with our second now. We feel very lucky and have a lot to give.
Obviously we still have years of thought and discussion before we decide that it makes sense for our family but I’m already curious about other people’s experience with this type of adoption.
I bet a lot of folks answering will have done in-family adoptions & I’m very curious about that as well as the kind that come through social services or fostering or overseas.
I haven’t, but I’d love to. If I’d been able to swing it financially, I’d probably have adopted an entire family instead of having my own.
I did semi-adopt one of my teenage students. We were actually talking about making it legal after she turned 18, but things went awry in her life and she kind of disappeared from my radar. I still consider her mine, though, and I miss her terribly. If she came home tomorrow, I’d welcome her with open arms.
I’d still love to foster kids eventually, but I have quite a few years before my own are old enough to do it.
My parents have been doing foster care for almost a decade - since I was in middle school - and this year they are adopting one of the children they care for. They’ve been his sole parental units since he was two weeks old - he’s now two. It’s great having him around. Since I’ve pretty much grown up with having kids of various ages moving in and out of my house unpredictably, going from foster to adopted brother was actually kind of hard - we were all afraid to get too attached to him at first, lest the state remove him (which happened to the last kids we were planning to adopt, a brother and sister pair who lived with us from the ages of 18 months and 2 years old until the older one started kindergarten at age nearly-six), and in fact even now the state has the right to decide to send him back to his biological mother, although they’re unlikely to as she’s a crack addict currently serving her sixth jail term since we’ve known her.
When Mr. Adoptamom and I were dating, we planned on having an even dozen children. We each had bio children from our first marriage, planned on having a few together and adopting the rest.
Many miscarriages/ectopic pregnancies later, we threw in the towel on bio children together and started adopting (2) and then fostering, building our family to a permanent family of a half dozen children.
Truly, the tie that binds this family is not blood, but love.
We adopted due to infertility, but have a bio daughter born soon after the adoption was completed, so we have a “mixed family.” And we know lots of families with some of each - either secondary infertility, single parents, or “just didn’t want to do it the bio way.”
I adopted a 2 1/2 year old from China. She was considered “special needs” because of her age. Seriously, look into this, there are lots of wonderful kids available, and agencies will often lower the fees because of the perceived difficulty of finding forever homes for these children.
She is wonderful, and I’m planning on doing it again.
I was an accident after my parents adopted my brother. I think my parents did an excellent job, and they were actually considering adopting another child before I was in the works. I’m proud to say I carry their genes, but other than that, I think they would have been perfect parents either way, and I am very grateful that people like my parents exist.
More power to ya, AFAIC.
My sister was adopted when she was 2. My parents already had 3 kids and they wanted another, but they felt strongly about not increasing the population further, and at the same time helping someone less fortunate.
She came from a children’s home, and had never been hugged or cuddled, or even tickled. I think this may have had an effect on her early development. After a few months with us, though, she got used to human contact, and swiftly became just as strongly my sister as any of my biological relations.
She’s black, we’re all white. However, this really didn’t pose a problem in rural England. She just accepted the difference as she grew up, as did 99% of the people she went to school with. She had some severe problems when my family moved to Tennessee, but after about 10 years of serious trauma, has finally matured and settled down.
I very much admire my parents for their decision, and the fact of her adoption does not alter my or my family’s love for her in any way. If you can do it, I highly recommend it. When I finally settle down to have a family, I hope to do the same.
We adopted my, now 6 year old, brother when he was about 3. My mum has worked as a foster carer for coming up to 13 years now. While she could not have kids anymore (hysterectomy) her decision to adopt was based upon her knowledge of the system. In case you didn’t know, here in the UK children for adoption are “advertised” in magazines published by Social Services. It’s quite sad when you start to see the same faces year after year since no-one likes to adopt children past toddler age. We had fostered my brother since he was born and once he got to that age mum worried he would simply fall into the system so we adopted him.
For those of you who are looking to adopt I would urge you to think about the older children. There are teenagers who have lived with us who have gone their entire lives without parents and will most likely never have any, save for the foster carers and social workers around them. Don’t get me wrong, these are the problem children. A lot have been raised in violent and abusive backgrounds and reflect such an upbringing. Adopt children like these and it will be very difficult. But isn’t that the point of adoption? If you want to help children, shouldn’t we help the ones in most need?
As for anyone considering fostering, my hat’s off to you. I would say my mum has one of the hardest jobs in the world. She has to be a loving parent to any child the system throws at her. She has to take all the hate and the shouting and the crap and in the end she turns these kids in god-damn angels only for the kids to be taken someplace else and a new kid put in their place. One kids, S, came to us twice. He had only ever lived in a car before, his parents were drug addicts who taught him to fight and steal. For nearly 3 years between the ages of 7 and 11, we were shouted at, kicked, punched, bitten. Most of this was directed towards my mum. It nearly tore the family apart but she kept it going and when he left, he actually turned to her and said “Thank you.”
Phew, I’ve just gone off into a little rant-y speech there haven’t I? Sorry about that, it’s been that kind of day. I hope there’s some useful info there anyway.
When I was eight, my parents took in their nephew for the weekend, and he ended up staying for several years. A few years later, we adopted a five month old through social services. The baby is now eleven, so we’re not out of the woods yet, but so far, our blended family has worked out very nicely.
I don’t know if you’re considering doing an in family thing, but if you do, please take the same steps that you’d take in an outside adoption. Since my cousin wasn’t supposed to be with us for long, my parents never really got any rights besides guardianship. Five years later, his father came back for him, and the whole situation almost put a rift in the family. After all these years, I don’t think that anyone is really happy about how it worked out.