This made me laugh, as it reminds me of my child’s adoptive father. Whenever I see him, our first phone conversation, all he could say, over many encounters, was, “Thank you”. You could clearly see he couldn’t help himself. (Like a Chinese waiter!) But it was always delivered with such profound sincerity that it never failed to make, me, his wife, and our child - tear up.
No one understands, more than I, the poignancy of receiving a child - from a stranger. One day, if I can get him to stop saying that, I’ll explain that while it may only seem like semantics to him, for me, my child was not my gift to them. They were my gift to my child. I know why they can’t see it that way, but I’m going to try to get through to him, one of these times.
The other thing about your thank you is, that since this part of my past has come to light, I have, surprisingly been on the receiving end of some respect and admiration. I am acknowledged for possessing strength, wisdom, and bravery, while still just a child myself. It’s very odd to hear, for me. When I made these choices, I did not feel strong, I felt a weak failure. I did not feel wise. Were I wise I would not have found myself in these circumstances. I was not brave, I was terrified. I felt the whole worlds judgment against me, as a failure and heartless woman who, ‘gave away’, her own flesh and blood.
What a world of difference it might have made, if one tiny drop of that respect could have reached the broken 16 yr old I was, when the adoption was over.
I cannot speak for the mothers of your children, just me. I wasn’t so concerned about my child having a two parent home, (anything can happen, any time!), an expensive education, or even prosperity. What I wanted most, what I was, at the time, obsessed with, was that my child should see healthy love modeled for them. So that, one day, they could have it for themselves. That seemed the single most important to me, as I had come up without such an example with disastrous results.
All birth mothers want to know their child is being showered with love. As long as you’re doing that, you’re doing it right, in my book. And I think you are.