My husband’s parents were tea-totalling Baptists. They were strict and brutal. He would probably be diagnosed as ADHD, or something similar. So he incurred all the wrath they could muster. He was in trouble from the minute he started walking and meddling. It’s sad to hear the extended family talk about how he was treated. I’ll take my Happy-drunk Daddy any day over that so-called upbringing.
In anything related to family life, it’s a matter of degrees, I suspect.
I understand how alcohol has been a very negative & destructive influence on many families. But I guess my upbringing bucks the trend. In my large, extended family, alcohol = fun times. There has never been any negative connotations to it. Family gatherings were (and still are) a hoot, with lots of comrade, bing drinking, stupid behavior, and laughing. I have fond memories of “crazy, alcohol-fueled” parties when I was 5 years old.
Perhaps my experience was an enigma. At the time I thought it was normal. “Another party at grandma’s? Hell ya!”
I’m a recovering alcoholic and I don’t believe everyone who ever gets drunk or does stupid things is even a problem drinker, let along an alcoholic.
There is a world of difference between someone who gets sloshed at the occasional family affair and someone who is sloppy everyone night at home.
I attended ACA (adult children of alcoholics) before at the recommendation of a therapist. My Mormon parents never had even a sip of alcohol to drink, but it was such an abusive and emotionally neglectful home.
Taking to other people in ACA, I found that alcoholic parents can screw up kids in multiple ways. There is direct physical and emotional abuse. So called “happy drunks” may not do the former but they could still be doing the latter.
Another serious problem is the emotional neglect. One friend had some of the happy drunks and the parents basically just checked out of life when they got home after work. The parents were never mean but never there for her, either.
they don’t provide
There’s a significant difference between “everyone gets drunk at family parties” versus “my parent/s were never entirely sober during my childhood”.
That can also include physical neglect; kids who need to learn to feed themselves a lot earlier than would be normal, medical needs which don’t get taken care of unless the child is bleeding, on fire or has an extremely high fever. I know people who discovered they’d had broken bones the first time they got a thorough medical checkup as adults: the broken bone had been a rib, or in the forearm, and their parents had dismissed “it hurts” with a “stop whinning”.