I knew it wouldn’t be long for someone to know of what I speak. That Emo Philips bit is spot on!
I have a friend who was raised as an ordinary conservative Jew. He became a Lubuvitcher, which is a culty form of Orthodox Judaism. He has a cousin who converted to Catholicism and became a nun, and another cousin who became a militant atheist. I teased him that his family cares a lot about religion. But he was on good terms with all those family members, as well as his parents.
So i do think there are people who remain close to their family despite religious differences.
The Emo Philips bit is at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANNX_XiuA78 .
I saw Weird Al Yankovic, Tig Notaro, Seaton Smith, Dave Hill, and Emo Philips at the Lincoln Theater in Washington, D.C. on October 30, 2016.
I’ll agree the example was deliberately extreme. But I was (politely, I hope) disagreeing with the idea that a now-adult child who adopts a religious position different from their parents has any kind of obligation to justify or even explain this. Especially if it is likely to be contentious.
Sometimes ‘least said, soonest mended’ is a wise policy.
Dang. I am envious.
My parents were reform Jews who never went to temple except for the high holy days, which they stopped doing by the time I was in high school. I think of them as culturally Jewish or non-religious/secular Jews. Most all of their friends were also reformed Jews, many of them were also secular.
At around age 12 I realized I couldn’t live in a world with dual contradictory realities, but I went through with the bar mitzvah because I didn’t want to publicly embarrass my parents. I met with the rabbi beforehand and explained my misgivings. His only response was that I had to believe that the Bible was true, which I knew I could never do.
When I went off to college I stopped attended their home Seder, and my father got the message. My mother didn’t, and kept inviting me each year hoping I would change my mind at some point, I never did.
When I started seriously dating a Christian girl, my mother asked me point blank is she Jewish? She wasn’t happy with my response. When we got married, she finally got the message, and we never talked about it again. I didn’t throw my atheism in anyone’s face, but I could never pretend to be someone I wasn’t.
The way we ultimately dealt with it was by not talking about it, which I think is the way atheists often have to deal with their religious parents.
Up to a point, my experience was similar to @dolphinboy 's. But I kept coming to seders, for example. But I am a thorough atheistic and married another Jewish girl, also an atheist. But, for example, we do fast on Yom Kippur out of solidarity with other Jews.
In hindsight, I could have gone along with the charade until my parents died, but at the time I couldn’t deal with the hypocrisy, and if they had asked me why I no longer wanted to be at the Seder I would have been completely honest in my response. Everybody’s different, and how someone choose to handle that situation depends on mitigating factors. It sounds like you were able to keep everyone happy, which is certainly a worthwhile endeavor.
Everyone including myself. I truly enjoyed the occasions and still do, with friends, although my parents are long gone. I may be an atheist, but I can enjoy the occasions.
My parents were devout Baptists, but they never seemed put off by my questioning nature. I stopped taking the myths of Christianity literally at a fairly young age, but I still identify as Christian. They never tried to change my mind, they supported my marriage to a Jewish woman, and supported our daughter when she came out as trans.
I grew up in a very conservative Mormon family and no, it usually doesn’t work like that. I am one of five siblings and four of us have left the faith.
Maybe with some families. There are some Mormons who are more cultural Mormons or like the church for general reasons rather than being deeply religious, but for devout members then dropping out of the faith is a huge deal.
Mormonism teaches that in order for families to be together in the afterlife, they all must be faithful, devote members who follow all the rules and regularly attends temple services. Many families believe it’s more important for the remaining members to circle the wagon and kick out the nonbeliever. I guess that more families don’t actually cut ties, but also just don’t discuss it.
My cousin volunteers for a group that helps LGBT youth in trouble and says that they get spikes in increases of homeless LGBT youth after the LDS church general assemblies in which the church leaders talk about the sin of homosexuality.
I had it lucky because my mother’s oldest sister married a Catholic. My grandfather was an atheist (though in those days you didn’t say it) and had no problem with my uncle not being Jewish, given that he believed in something more important than God - the Brooklyn Dodgers.
My wife’s father was an atheist also.
My wife was the first non-Jewish girl I ever dated, and I dated mostly Jewish girls from the time we broke up until we got engaged, so it’s not like I didn’t try. She wanted to have a multi-faith marriage, which turned out to be a non-starter, so we got married in the Ethical Culture Society which was great.
My brother was married in a Catholic church, which my mom wasn’t happy about, but they added a rabbi to the ceremony and she seemed okay with it. I had a secular wedding at my soon-to-be wife’s parent’s house, and while that wasn’t exactly what my mother wanted, it was better then having to go to a church. My second marriage was in my brother’s office without any parents. He had become a superior court judge by then.
I never actually “came out” to my evangelical Christian family about my newfound agnosticism (viz, of the last ten years or so). It just sort of slowly became obvious when I stopped going to church, stopped posting Christian memes, declined to pray when called upon to do so at family things, etc. I don’t make a big thing about my agnosticism/atheism on social media, mainly because I’m not interested in being identified by what I’m not. I’m not a Christian; woopity-doo. I’m also not a golfer and not a paralegal and not a model plane collector. IOW, there are a lot of things that I’m not, so why go on and on about this one thing on social media?
My mother and I have this unspoken agreement not to talk about it, as it would just upset her. Religion is this thing that binds the rest of the family together, and I’m something of an outsider looking in. That being said, I’ve experienced exactly zero hostility, estrangement, hysteria, or anything of the sort. Just a sort of grudging acceptance mixed with a solid amount of Don’t Talk About It.
Sounds like me and my brother’s family. But we’re only talking Church of England (tea and buns rather than fire and brimstone).