She isn’t specially licensed. I believe she’s a personal care assistant for a member of Henry’s family. A cousin, maybe?
Yeah, it is Henry’s family member (couldn’t remember if it was his or hers) because she worries she’ll lose her job on his say so if she pisses him off enough.
There are plenty of people around who can find out, with not too much trouble, EXACTLY what has been looked at online. Personally, I’d want that PC trawled for the lot, in case someone has been hitting chatrooms etc to discuss jerking habits and penis sizes of teenage boys, practising their predatory spiel before going for live quarry within actual reach…
I have not heard any acts described here that would constitute a crime.
But how would the officer know this, unless he looked at the texts?
Thanks for your legal opinion, Bricker. I’d been hoping you’d show up. 
As for the cop, I KNOW, RIGHT? Oh well.
probably not your area of expertise but how would a divorce court view his behavior when deciding child custody?
Well he didn’t bother to look. I believe there are so many people busy covering up child abuse it’s ridiculous. You’re doing the right thing Silver Fire Thank you!
Yes - this. I certainly hope any divorce court would take this very seriously as to child custody. Of course, it sounds like now Donna will probably be, “See, I told you it was nothing, why did you blow this all out of proportion and embarrass everyone, you jerk?” and not lift a finger to protect her kids.
Yeah. WTF? I fully understand if the texts don’t rise to the level of a crime, but why wouldn’t you just look at the darned things to be sure?
Yeah, pretty much this. She hasn’t said anything to me, but she’s definitely not doing anything about it. According to her (and I don’t believe her at all; it’s hard to say why, I just don’t) he has been pretty much giving her the silent treatment since the day I posted that he had called her on his way to work. And when she told me that I said it’s not surprising, that he seems to like playing victim. So I asked on the 22nd if he was still ignoring her and got this back: “He’s ignoring me. I will blow soon. He doesn’t get to be the victim.”
He posted on Facebook on Friday that he’d taken a late night McDonalds run with The Girl and they’d had a conversation and he was having a better night because of it. When I asked Donna about it on Saturday, she said she had no idea what he was talking about because she hadn’t talked to The Girl and was at work.
She texted yesterday to ask how my day was going and I asked if she had found out what his Facebook post was about. She said the two had just talked but not about anything in particular. Then she said again that he didn’t say more than ten words to her all weekend. And when my eyes stopped rolling enough to see I was like, “Wow, that’s really something. And you still haven’t gone off?” she said, “Not yet. I’m just tired. Of all of it.”
Of course you are. Must be all that sweeping.
Those poor girls.
There’s a local radio station that’s been asking for candidacy submissions for the “Right Foot Prize”, given to “everyday people who are an example to us all.”
I’d submit you, Silver Fire, if the submissions period hadn’t already ended. Thank you.
Ok - IMHO - I think some of this might be an overreaction, but you still did the right thing.
It is totally possible that the reason he asked about the pictures on the phone is cause he heard about the cases where kids have been arrested for child porn for having naked pictures of themselves on their own phone. Not the way I would have gone about advising a kid here, but I can totally see this happening.
You are getting a lot of this second hand from Donna - I would not trust that she is accurately relaying the content of the text messages.
Some of this could be misguided attempts from the father to try and bond with the boy and get him to trust him - in order to PROTECT his daughter - and not some attempt at grooming. It is totally possible this guy is just awkward and bad at communicating, but really does not have some desire to diddle this kid - and really is trying to protect his daughter.
All that being said - the kid was uncomfortable. He reached out to an adult. That adult is an idiot. You are not. You have no way of noting if Henry was really trying to molest the kid and what he actually did.
You absolutely did the right thing. Why the cop didn’t want to look at the text is beyond me. It is possible someone overreacted and reported it as “Henry was asking kid for naked pictures.” Cop was investing THAT complaint. When he found out that wasn’t true - he didn’t go any further.
It is important that an adult (such as the school social worker) looks at the ACTUAL conversations that took place by text.
Donna is a drama queen. If the texts are there - it should be really easy for someone to look at the actual texts and see if something inappropriate occurred. If Henry is doing stuff that is illegal - he needs to be arrested/charged with it. If he is having inappropriate conversations (but well intentioned) with kids - an adult - like a social worker - need to explain to him his is making someone uncomfortable - and what lines are when dealing with kids.
I don’t even want to speculate. I think Oakminster has some family law experience.
Oh, I don’t. But my feeling is that, if she’s not being totally honest about what the texts actually said (and she’s not), she’s downplaying them rather than exaggerating them. And I’m sure of that first because I know her and second because of the huge delay between our very first conversation and the reveal re: pictures. And that was after HOURS of me saying things like, “Well, I’m not sure it’s illegal to be gross. If he’d exchanged pictures then that’s a different thing.” She had about a million opportunities to mention that Henry had initiated a conversation about pictures but she didn’t and then, when she finally did, she claimed to have forgotten that part.
I understand the whole rest of your post, I do. I’ve run the gamut of emotions since this whole thing started, including guilt and regret and a ton of second-guessing that maybe it really was innocent, at least in his mind. But I’ve been beating my head against a wall trying to figure out just how asking whether his daughter has gotten the kid off, what the kid thinks of when he masturbates, and then criticizing his penis size is, in anybody’s mind, a way to engender trust. I’m not a boy. As a former 15 year old girl though, I can say without question that I would recognize those texts as disrespectful, degrading, and extremely creepy and “Wow, I can really trust this person!” would be the furthest thing from my mind. Henry must know that.
I know Henry (longer than I’ve known Donna, actually; in college we studied together between classes, coordinated our schedules, paired up for lab, etc.). I don’t know what his motivation was but I am fairly certain that he isn’t so out of touch that he doesn’t realize that most people would think that those texts are Not Okay. And I think he knew that when he sent them. Is he trying to fuck the kid? Is he just looking for good thought porn? Was he trying to be funny? I don’t know. I really don’t. But I can’t believe that he was genuinely concerned about that kid, or his own, or that he was trying to bond with The Boy. Over tales of his daughter’s sexual experience? Gross. It doesn’t make sense to me.
Texts from Donna. The county attorney won’t even look at the report for a week, apparently, and she feels like an asshole for putting me in the middle and “feels like things are different now.”
She wants to know if we’re okay. Ugh.
Oh, re: the county attorney she said “I can’t fucking do this for another week!!”
And my in-head reply was “Do what? DO WHAT?? Because you’re not actually DOING anything!”
Silver Fire, I’m getting the feeling that you’re thinking “WTF? I did the right thing and now the police are totally minimizing/undermining it and Donna’s not going anywhere and nothing will be done!”
You did a whole lot. From the perspective of the boy, he now knows that he told someone and they believed him. They acted, they called the cops. I can’t tell you what a huge big deal that is for people who are at risk of abuse. And even if the policeman dismissed these texts as not actually illegal, this kid got another message loud and clear: This was worth investigating. Any further, and it is illegal.
Sadly, the jerkwad probably can’t be prosecuted for being a creepster. But even if the police are ineffectual, you have done an enormous amount toward helping this boy protect himself, by believing him, by reinforcing that these actions were wrong, by acting on it. Without ever meeting him, you told him that he didn’t deserve this and he was right to trust his own instincts. Long term, that provides better protection than anything.
Obviously you know more than I do about this situation, but I think we all know parents who have tried to be their children’s friend more than their parent. They think that letting them drink at home, letting their boyfriend sleep over, or things like that will make it less likely for them to do something really bad (like drink and drive) - get pregnant - whatever.
When you made this comment:
We don’t know what exactly was said, but I can imagine a guy interrogating his daughters lover trying to figure out how far they have gotten. I can imagine him trying to encourage the both of them to engage in non penis in vagina sex.
I’m not in anyway saying this is appropriate, but I can see it being done with daughters safety in mind.
To me - a guy commenting on another guys penis - especially saying “I hear it is small” - let’s face it - the daughter didn’t tell him that - he is saying something to rib the kid - and IMHO - treat him the same way he would treat an adult male friend.
To me saying “I hear your dick is small” is not a come on - it is a joke - perhaps bad one.
If a mother said to a son’s girlfriend “what do need him to take your bra off for - you barely got any tits” - I wouldn’t assume she was coming onto the girl.
Did you get the impression the kid was uncomfortable cause he though the dad was coming onto him - or he was uncomfortable cause he thought the dad was in appropriately involved in his sex life?
Like I said - I ABSOLUTELY think you did the right thing - I think there could be innocent explanations, but like you said - there is a lot more to it that I don’t know. The fact that kid basically was asking for help is all that matters. Even if it turns out to be totally innocent - you still did the right thing.
Your friend is crazy (not that I am judging - I have my own fair share) - someone needed to stand up and do something - and you did. Not sure what the county attorney can do - they still need to have someone look at those texts. If he really is being a predator - I’m guessing it will be obvious in those texts. Usually state attorneys and such are making decisions on whether to prosecute based on the info they have. Unless he/she decides to order the police to investigate further - it will probably be closed.
It sounds to me like there was a complaint - the police probably treated as a possible case of child porn - investigated - and as soon as they found out there was no pics - there was nothing left for them to do.
What needs to be done is an investigation of this guys interactions with the boy. Not sure what the specific crime is in your state, but grooming, whatever. Otherwise they are going to just (rightfully) close out that other case.
The police are there to investigate specific crimes. Not all of them are going to go around fishing for what other possible crimes have occurred.
Oh come on. We know the guy is gay (at least bi), so asking the Boy about his masturbation fantasies, whether he got a handjob, if he’s got nude selfies and then “teasing” about his penis size can only reasonably interpreted one way. If a hetero man asked a 15 yr old girl about those type of things would you for a second give him the benefit of the doubt?
Sorry - we absolutely do not know this is what happened - what we have is the second hand - well third hand now - account from what I think we can all agree is a woman who is unstable.
We do not know if he asked about his mastabatory fantasies. We know this is what she said. While I have little doubt that that there was some conversation involving his penis - do you really trust that this woman is ACCURATELY portraying what has happened.
This supposed pedophile has been living there presumably for years. So far the police have investigated (something) and have found - nothing so far. Sure the police might be incompetent. But now we have a social worker and the police involved and still all we have is second hand accounts of text messages.
Why hasn’t there been any allegations about the daughter? He only is interested in guys? Despite having at least two kids from two different women? It isn’t like he is unwilling to have sex with women. I haven’t heard a single allegation of abuse about him and either of the two daughters.
He looks at gay porn on the computer? What about looking for child porn? What about doing an actual ACTION that can’t be disputed or chalked up miscommunication.
Sorry, I totally agree that it is inappropriate behavior, but I do not believe that woman isn’t greatly shading the truth. She apparently hates this guy to some extent. You really think she is beyond twisting a few conversations to get sympathy from Silver Fire?
You think that a 14 year old girl and a 15 year old boy - who apparently hate this guy - aren’t smart enough to show actual incriminating text messages to their school social worker?
If this guy asks for naked pics - boom - he is going to jail - it sound like there have been tons of texts back and forth. How long is this guy waiting? If he is truly this gay pedophile - is there one single boy in his past that has accused him?
Again - I’m not saying he is not a predator, but it sounds like this woman lives for drama. I haven’t heard anything he has done that actually sound like something she couldn’t be shading the truth on - either purposefully - or through her eyes as the wounded wife.
All I see so far is a bunch of smoke. Not saying there isn’t fire, but it seems to me like this woman is a huge drama queen - and I don’t trust her. The police/child services/whatever should interview the daughter/step daughter/ and the boy.
And as far as to your question - would I give him the benefit of the doubt as to having a sexual conversation with a 15 year old if it was a she and he was straight?
Benefit of the doubt as to what? I’ve said from the very beginning there should be an investigation. That can easily figure out whether he broke the law. Being a creep isn’t illegal - and last time I checked having a sexual conversation with a 15 year old wasn’t illegal. I say last time I checked - cause I don’t know what the grooming laws are - and I do not have sexual conversations with 15 year olds - so I don’t need to worry.
I do not think that from the information we have we can say he broke the law - or even was trying to seduce this kid. Men are pigs. Sometimes they say inappropriate things. It doesn’t mean he was trying to have sex with this kid. It wouldn’t surprise me if he is doing some of this to embarrass his daughter.
I’m not saying these were the explanations - I’m saying it is plausible and that there are inappropriate assholes out there that aren’t child molesters.
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Sorry, but I find that an idiotic position. Credulous to the point of retarded.
But of course you’re right, if everything we’ve been told in this thread isn’t true then we don’t know the truth. Awesome observation.