Adult-teen interaction. It's as bad as I think, isn't it?

I got a reply from the school social worker. She was very careful to point out that she’s a mandated reporter and will be forwarding my email to her to the sheriff’s department. She also encouraged me to call her and further discuss this because I didn’t give her any names. As I told her, I’m okay with losing my friendship to protect this boy but I am not at all interested in being a whistle blower just for the sake of blowing whistles and I wanted to know that something would happen. This was before I learned of the pictures thing, which I also emailed her about earlier this morning before she’d had a chance to reply to me.

So I texted Donna and said that I had emailed the social worker from a dummy account and didn’t use names but now the sheriff’s department has a copy of my email. She told me she’d be right over.

I read bits of the reply to Donna, as was my intention. I asked the social worker for her professional opinion whether, in the absence of actual physical abuse, something like this could still damage a kid. I know the answer to that; I asked that question specifically so I could show Donna the answer because she’s said about a hundred times that she doesn’t think Henry would actually “do” anything. And she burst into tears when I read the part about yes, of course this is damaging and, btw, kids are typically very private people and don’t share texts with parents and other adults even when they probably should (like with bullying; we all know how common not telling is) so the fact that he showed her is a huge, big deal and he’s asking her for help. She sobbed and sobbed. “I don’t know what to do.”

She asked if I thought the police would be able to find me. Now, I don’t actually know that. I have no idea how easy or difficult that would be for them. But I basically made it sound like I think the FBI is going to be knocking on my door at any second. I told her I’m positive the cops will damn sure at least try to find me and, if they can’t, they can certainly get their hands on more resources than they have. Maybe it will take some time because warrants or whatever, but they’ll definitely figure it out. “OMG, I don’t know what to do. I’m so sorry for putting you in this position. I don’t know what to do…”

With her sobbing on the other end of my couch, I emailed the social worker again. I told her I have this woman at my house and I’m giving her one chance to do the right thing here. If she doesn’t call you I’ll do it myself and you’ll have the names by lunch time. And I told Donna, who didn’t know that I had just sent that email or what it said, that somebody would have to call this woman and I don’t care at this point who that someone is.

Sob sob sob, he’s going to hate me, the girls are going to hate me, sob, I’m ruining his life. And I did my best: you didn’t do anything wrong, he’s the one who did this, your life isn’t over, blah blah.

So then she tried to leave. “I’m going to go get my dad so he can come with me [ostensibly to visit the social worker] because I can’t go by myself.” Okay, sure. Let me pack up the kids and I’ll bring you to your dad. “No, I’ll be fine.” Uh huh… I don’t actually trust her to do anything so I’m like, “You know what would be better? Let’s just call her. I’ll help you! Let’s call her right now and I’m right here with you and everything will be fine. It’ll be so much better than having to go down there…” thinking either she’ll do it or she’ll leave and I’ll email the SW again as soon as she’s out my door. Either way, I’m all done.


I heard the woman answer the phone and Donna mouthed “son of a bitch” and burst into tears. I think she was hoping for voicemail? Or maybe when the woman answered, that made it real? I don’t know. So she sobs and sobs and identifies herself and says, “I’m sorry, this is so much harder than I thought.” And the SW goes, “I think I know what this is about.” And Donna said, “You got an email, right?” And then the SW said she was going to go to Donna’s house to talk about this and Donna left and it’s all over. From my end, anyway. I offered to go home with her and be there when the social worker shows up but she declined and said she’d get in touch with me later.

She’s devastated. And I guess I feel bad because she’s hurting and scared and whatever but wtf else could I possibly have done? Nothing? Not an option.

So it’s over. And she thanked me before she left, I guess for kind of forcing her to actually do something? I don’t know.

I really don’t care, I’m just so happy it’s over.


Congratulations, Silver Fire. You’re a rare person.

Silver Fire, you are a good person. Thank you for advocating for a kid you did not know, nor have any particular tie to. You did the right thing.

This kind of thing doesn’t just happen once, or in a vacuum. He has done this before, and would do it again.

In VA, the question about pics (depending on how it is phrased), could absolutely be a felony solicitation of a minor. It includes mandatory prison time depending on the age of the minor and the age of the perp. It is a crime for which the sex offender registry is required.

But it all depends on the details. The other texts, while creepy, would not be criminally actionable, in my opinion.

No matter what happens though, you did the right thing. Kudos.

Well done. And for once, I mean that sincerely.

That is my feeling as well though I wish I actually knew*. Definitely creepy and suggestive (for me, anyway) of possible intent to escalate to something clearly criminal, but probably not a crime by itself. Her informing me that he’d asked about naked photos (she didn’t remember that text verbatim but it sounds like he asked how many naked photos the kid has of himself on his phone) was a total game changer, in my mind. If she hadn’t called the social worker I certainly would have, anonymity be damned. I’d take an ad out in the paper with a color photo captioned “I told” if that’s what it takes.

*I’m in MN if anybody wants to figure it out.

I’m so glad to hear that Donna did the right thing. You’re a great friend, not only to Donna, but to a boy you don’t even know.

Adding my voice to the chorus. The situation is a mess and it’s unfair of Donna to constantly drag you into her issues, but in this case, thank god someone was there who could evaluate the situation and even more importantly act on it.

Double-ended dildo.

That was the end for me on which side to be on … I wasn’t going to say anything, but this is too much. Two grown men maybe, but an older male and a 15 year old boyfriend of his step daughter … no way jose’.

Time to get a lawyer involved … what the hell would it take for Donna to react to this problem? Push print and show her everyone’s gasp.

Hey. Save your insults for the pit, pal.

So I’m at Donna’s. The Boy called her just a few moments ago to say a cop came to him at school to talk. He didn’t want to see the text messages and apparently said he “didn’t see anything criminal.”

Really? Without actually looking at the evidence, cops can just declare things “not a crime”? The SW and Donna called CPS together and Donna was told that the information would be passed on to the county attorney but then a cop shows up at school and says it’s not a big deal? They also asked her specifically if Henry had asked FOR pictures but he only asked ABOUT them.

So I guess we’re all wrong and this is totally not a thing.

Yikes, that seems like a bad place to do that. I would imagine if there is an element of sexual abuse, even in a private room in a school, there would be considerable pressure to make like it’s not a big deal.

I’m still suspicious as hell and I hope Donna wises up and lays down some laws so that something worse doesn’t happen a year from now.

I’ve been doing the “Thirty Days of Thankful” on Facebook. Silver Fire, you and others like you are my post for this day.

This was my thought, too. I would not trust a fifteen year old boy to give me accurate information regarding an already embarrassing and uncomfortable situation, especially if I’ve got access to proof of what was actually said. So WTF.

Donna has since talked to the same investigator. I also would not trust the wife of a potential offender to give me accurate information either, especially considering she’s not the initial reporter. The investigator is not sure a crime has been committed because, again, he didn’t actually ask FOR pictures.

Is everybody failing to consider that, when asked how many he has, the boy said NONE? Henry established that there were no pictures to ask for!

Teens should have nothing to do with adults.

Not even their parents?!

Jeeze, that’s some ham-handed handling by the police. Hopefully the social worker will do a better job for everyone involved.

Poor kid - an asshole puts him in an embarrassing and awful situation, he does the right thing, and he gets more embarrassment and told there’s no problem for his troubles.

Why would the police officer not want to see the texts? Seems like a pretty important part of the situation to me.

Maybe the officer is Henry’s “friend”.

The police officer in question maintains that the report will be forwarded to the county attorney’s office, so I dunno. As far as the cop being Henry’s friend? I don’t know. As property managers I know we (my husband and I) interact with police fairly regularly so he might be familiar with who Henry is but I don’t think they’re actually “friends” with any cops.

I’ve been reading the thread and while I am not a lawyer, it does sound like the guy has been “inappropriate” but hasn’t done anything illegal. So that may be why the cop didn’t jump all over him. (BTW, I think you mentioned that Donna was a mandated reporter. Can you say what she does for a living?)