Society always talks about Dad’s fighting off the boys going after their daughters because the boys only wanted to have sex with their daughters.
But I’d like to ask, have you had times you fought off girls going after that good looking boy of yours for maybe the same reasons? If so what were the situations and how did you deal with it?
My older son is very good-looking and matured early. At 14, he was 6’5" and his voice had deepened completely to the resonant baritone it is today. He was very much a boy in a man’s body. There was a woman on his paper route who had started inviting him into the house when he went to collect, offering him cookies or ice cream, sitting him down on her sofa, sitting close to him while wearing something very revealing like a negligee or see-through blouse. She hadn’t touched him…yet, but that would probably have happened before much longer.
He told my husband about it and my husband came to me and asked what we should do. I told him there was no ‘we’ about it, this was a woman-to-woman conversation.
I went to her home, knocked on her door, introduced myself and invited myself in. I told her calmly and firmly that I knew exactly what she was up to with my 14-year old son and that I was having no part of it. If she made one more move towards him, no matter how subtle, I would be informing the police. I stood up before she could formulate a reply, thanked her and left. We never had another problem.
Thats a very optimist interpretation of the outcome. As a 14 year old boy who wanted sex, the lesson I would learn is, “Don’t tell the parents anything.”
You did ake a reasonable response to the OP, but I wouldn’t be so sanguine that you somehow “saved” your son from predation.
I think we at least put it off until he was old enough to handle it. At 14, that would have been way more than he could handle, hence bringing the issue to dad in the first place. If he had…shall we say opportunities?.. later on, he evidently felt able to handle them on his own. :eek:
Four sons…no. There were girls who called but nobody was doing anything like fighting them off. There was one time when we were going out, only we were late getting out of the house, and this girl showed up on our doorstep. Apparently she and my son were planning on having the house to themselves while we were out, but that seemed like a mutual plan between her and our son, and what we did was, took her home on the way to meet our friends. (She may have just gotten right on the bus and headed back there as soon as we dropped her off, but we tried.)
Speaking from the girl’s point of view…
my first boyfriend’s mother made it clear that she thought I was nothing more than a skanky non-Christian ho that had seduced her wonderful boy away from his mother. I know this because she left it on a voicemail to my parents. 
Yah, that was an awkward summer all around. But she made it pretty clear that no woman was really good enough for her boy.
He’s married now and has children. I wonder what mom thinks of the wife?
Very good response. Your boy didn’t need to be some dirty womans “boy-toy” at age 14.
But that opens up whole new lines of inquiry about “need” vs “want”.
Opposite for me.
My son is nice looking and when we go out I notice girls noticing him. I encourage him to say hi but he is so painfully shy he just ignores them.
I wish some girls would come around.
The kid brought the situation to his father. He was too young to know how to handle it.
You’re awfully fixated on the idea that every 14 year old male would want/take the chance to sleep with this woman.
As a 14-year-old, I’d have been too conflicted to know what to do, too. Part of me wanted to hump anything that even seemed female, part of me was too embarrassed to admit that to anyone (especially any female in question), and part of me felt that waiting for marriage was at least the ideal even if most people didn’t. (I wasn’t a virgin until age 20 because I lacked opportunity).
At 14, I certainly wouldn’t have told my father about it, but that says more about him than me.
I wouldn’t say every 14 year old, but most,yes. My sex history sounds not too far from yours, and my own reticence would have made her especially attractive to me. The idea of being guided through a first time by an experienced woman would have been irresistible
Eldest is in the summer after his senior year. His mother has Always been Very effective at chasing off strays looking for a home. Although we have two cats, we have no girl friends.
This is Good.
I may be reading too much into the above, so let me ask: do you genuinely think that it is good that your 18-year-old son has never had a girlfriend (that you know of)?
We are in no danger of having hordes of horny girls knocking down our door to get to our short, slightly pimply, very nerdy, non-athletic 17-year-old son. But he does have a girlfriend and this makes me happy - mostly because it makes HIM happy, but also because I think such experiences are part of growing up. He’ll be a better person sooner for having learned how to talk to his girlfriend, understand the female point of view, and having gotten started on that mysterious dance of love and sexuality that we all take years to learn well.
There’s nothing wrong with not having had a girlfriend or boyfriend by age 18, of course. It’s just that I find it odd that someone would say it was inherently a good thing. To me, having healthy relationships with others is what’s a good thing.
I guess one big difference in boys vs girls at this age is you dont usually find 17 year old girls (or even more 19-21 year old girls) wanting to date 15 year old boys whereas its about the norm for the other way.
Look, he’s private and very focused and I’m Fine with that. Also, he had a GF who we were none-too-pleased with. I felt bad that the break up hurt him but I’m not going to lie & say that I wanted that specific girl in his life.
It was good for him; not all kids are cookie cutter ready for relationships at the same age. If you love your kid, you support them and you find wonder and happiness in their growth. I don’t know your child, I won’t judge your parental decisions.
As I type this, he’s in his Freshman year dorm with a complete and thorough understanding of birth control and how visible / verifiable birth control must be used every single time without exception, without excuses.
He’s in an extremely competitive program and surrounded by students who have just as much to lose from as he does. I think he’s happy and I think he’ll find friends while cultivating relationships there.
He’s my kid, I love him, and I’m perfectly happy with how he’s grown. I’m happy, he’s happy, our family is happy… and for us, that’s a good thing.
This sounds completely creepy to me.
Got me beat; that response is both judgemental AND creepy.
Yeah, the wife who shoos away stray cats, or is it girls, from your son? There seems to be no distinction between the two. And you are good with that.
Yeah, I misunderstood, that’s completely normal.
I was never allowed to date as a teen. And I am really uncomfortable with parents who don’t allow their kids to do so. I feel teen dating is ideal; you’re still home, and your parents can still help you and guide you. When you grow up and go away to college you need to learn all this stuff and there is no one to guide you.
Parents are supposed to help their kids be responsible adults. Kids don’t just magically spring into adulthood!