Why am I having such a problem with this? (Warning, teenage boy stuff ahead)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My son is 13, 14 in August, and he’s beginning to become more (ahem) sexually aware.

Ivylad has has several chats with him, but quite frankly, I don’t want to hear that my son is becoming more of a man. I am highly uncomfortable with it.

Last night, I sent him to bed. A little while later, I heard peeing in the kids’ bathroom, but no flush, so I thought the dog had peed on the floor.

I go into the hall, the door is shut and the light is on. I open the door, and my son is standing by the sink, with a catalog in his hand.

Not a catalog for garden seeds, mind you, but rather a graphic one for videos and toys and such.

Having a pretty good idea what was going on, I got the catalog away from him (he said he found it at the bus stop) while we both laughed, somewhat embarrassed. I gave him a quick chat about how his interest is natural but there are better ways to learn about women, sent him off to bed, and threw the catalog in the trash.

Then I wanted to go scrub my brain with Lysol.

Why is this so hard? He’s a growing boy with hormones beginning to rage, and I want him to be comfortable enough to talk to me about sex, but I don’t want to think of my son as getting hard ons and doing what virgin teenage boys do at night.

Ick ick ick. Is this a simple “I don’t want my baby to grow up!” thing? Do other mothers with teenage boys have this same issue?

2

…but what if it had been a catalog for garden seeds?

3

:eek: I hadn’t thought of that!!

4

Good lord, how about a little privacy in here. You need to get over your issues before you pass them on to your son.

5

Why throw away the catalog? The boy is naturally curious, and looking at pics is a normal desire among boys that age. And older. No offense, but it sounds to me as if you need to address your problem, and the sooner you learn to deal with and accept the fact that your son is becoming a man, the better off everyone will be. It’d be nice if they could stay babies forever, but they don’t, and if you want him to “be comfortable” enough to talk to you about things like this, you can’t throw away the book, and make him feel like he did something “wrong”. Don’t forget, drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes are coming up next… :eek:

6

I’m sorry…upon re-reading the OP, I realize I didn’t answer the question…

You’re having a problem with this because you are a loving parent, and it’s very difficult to think of our babies becoming young adults.

Just MO, but been there, done/doing that.

7

I think you should give him a Playboy or something like that. He’s gonna get them sooner or later. Your best bet would be to talk with him, tell him it’s normal etc. Better to get a good talking to from his parents then the kids at school who don’t know anything, might even keep you from being a Grandmother too soon, or worse yet he could get an STD.

8

Give him a Playboy. At least that’s relatively clean compared to what you can get on the web for free. You’re certainly not going to stop the monkey spanking under any circumstances, so let him look at something besides free animal sex videos and bad porn.

For the record, this is what I advocated with our son, but welbywife put her foot down, and when it gets put, it stays.

9

What was funny was that he begged me not to tell his father, since he didn’t want another talk about the birds and the bees.

10

One night several months ago I heard my 10 year old son giggling in his room. When I went into his room, he quickly shoved whatever he was looking at under the covers and looked really uncomfortable. I told him that it was bedtime, and while I understand how hard it is to put down a really good book, he had to get some sleep. Well, this elicited more giggling so I asked him to give me the book. He quietly handed over the Guiness Book of World Records I’d given him for Christmas. I still couldn’t understand what was so funny about this–until the book just fell open to a page of a scantily clad Cindy Margolis. “I like looking at her because she has big boobs,” he calmly explained to me.

It was a humbling experience–and I know it won’t be the last. I just gave him the book back and told him that big boobs or not, it’s time to get some sleep.

Given that my son’s only 10, I certainly don’t have any sparkling insights for you ivylass–except, maybe, knock before you go into the bathroom even if you think only the dog’s in there :slight_smile:

11

Being only 22 this is one of the big mistakes I still think parents make (been living out of the house for 5 years now, but I can still think like I’m 15 when I want to). I think most parents, at some point or another, took away a dirty magazine and said something to the extent of “their are better ways to learn about women” or “This stuff is disgusting and isn’t really how it is”… etc… So what are the better ways to learn about women? How is it really? Their magazines are taken away and thier told that their are better ways to satisfy their needs, but don’t tell them what they are. And you have to remember that really their only need at that point is to…ah… finish what they started shall we say. The magazine will only come out from under the bed for a few minutes, and they’re most likely not going to take any life lessons from it, just need to release some “built up tension.” I have to say I understand the parents point of view, and understand why a parent would immidiatly take it away (especially in your situation, just walking in on him…you had to do something), but in the future maybe you could just sort of look the other way. The other thing is, if you keep ‘busting’ him, he’s not going to stop, he’s going to hide it better. If you don’t bust him, he won’t hide it as well. That is his ‘hiding spot’ will remain under the mattress and not in a locked box under the insulation in the attic. This will make it easier to keep tabs on him. If he hides his mags their, that’s were he’s going to hide everything else, and if you really want to you can check it out once in a while and make sure he doesn’t have say syringes or crack pipes (which are clearly more dangerous then a video tape and some lotion).

12

The first thing you can do to make your lives easier is to NEVER EVER open the bathroom or his bedroom door with out knocking first. He is old enough to need a little privacy.

Of course you don’t want your baby to grow up. But, he is and you (and him) are going to have to come to terms with it.

I don’t know that I would give a 14 year old boy a playboy. But, he is going to be doing what he is doing even if he doesn’t have a good magazine to look at. Next it will be the bra section of a Penny’s sales ad. :slight_smile:

13

Tell your son the Sear’s catalog is pretty good, until he graduates to Victoria’s Secret…then Playboy, PentHouse, Gallery…but, oh how the internet has changed the whole world of porn!!!

14

You don’t have to give him one, that would be uncomfortably. Have no doubts about it, he will find away to get his hands on one if he wants it. He’ll take one from a friends house, buy one from someone at school, or theirs probably a gas station in town that dosen’t care how old the kids are and supplies half the high school with smokes. (Not to worry you more). He already got the catalog, if he want’s a magazine too, he’ll figure out away.

15

Wow, I thought I was the only one who advocated giving maturing boys Playboys to help them out. I agree with the fact that it is much cleaner than what you can find on the net, trust me I know from first hand experience, and by doing this you are taking away the mystique of boobs and porno and making him realize that women are peole also. As he gows up and having been exposed to it, he is less likely to be an ignorant teenager thinking he knows eveything about girls. Plus all the tips and advice in Playboy will make him really popular with the girls.

16

Well, he does like the Victoria Secrets commercials.

You’re right. I should have knocked. That would give him some time to uh—finish up. (Not that it would take long, right guys?)

17

Of course he will find one if he wants it. But people above were advocating his parents giving him one. That is what I was doubting was a good idea.

18

Thank God the twins are only four months old. I have lots of time before i have to worry about this.

Ivylass, I’d probably shoot for a middle ground. Search and destroy all foul and objectionable porn, but leave the Playboys. I’d even go so far as to get some Playboys and leave them where the bad porn was.

Draw the line at Playboy, though. Other magazines are nastier, have no good fiction or interviews, and have more ads that can get a young’un in trouble. While you’re at it, do what you can with the phone company to put phone sex off-limits.

19

If you were Smart, you’d give him condoms and say that he can only do that in a condom. It will get him used to it and train him to be sexually excited with a condom & not without one.
Think ofit as an insurance policy against un-wanted pregnant-cat daughter-in-laws or being called ‘Granny’ before your time…

20

i don’t understand why exactly but i feel obliged to protest the idea of parents passing playboys to their kids… :rolleyes: