So today, I found myself quite far away from home. On the other side of the town, in fact, and holding a large, white sheet of corrugated plastic roughly 8 feet by 4, or in other words about 2 1/2 times my size. I was standing outside a bus, and the driver was saying “Sorry, you can’t take this on board.”
“But this is my only way of getting home!” I protested.
“I have to think of other passengers’ safety,” he said. “That thing’s too large.”
“What if I rolled it up?” I asked, and tried valiantly to roll the sheet into a tube. It was about a foot wider than my armspan on either side.
“Sorry,” said the bus driver, and closed the doors.
Earlier, I’d had a strikingly similar conversation with an equally unsympathetic bus driver. As the bus rolled up to the bus stop, I’d picked up my giant sheet of Coroplast and joined the line of commuters -
“No, not you.” said the driver. “You stay down there.”
“Me?” I’d asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” said the driver. “This bus is for people, not 8-foot sheets of plastic. You call a taxi.”
I eyed my sheet. “I can’t call a taxi. It doesn’t fit in a car. It’s BIGGER than a car.”
The driver shrugged. “I guess that’s your problem, huh?” I heard a woman tittering as the bus rolled off into the distance.