Advice for a sticky situation

Factual Questions
1

I’ve got a rather pressing dilema and am looking for some sagicious advice. As it is the SD’s mission to fight ignorance, I figure I’ve got a decent chance of getting some thoughtful response to this. Here’s the scenario:

I am in my early 20s, living with some friends, and taking time off of school. Apartment leases in my town run June - June, so our current lease is almost up and we’ve found a new place for next year. The new apartment will cost about 100 dollars more a month than the one we are currently in.

Since I have been, um, “on leave” from school I have been paying all my own rent, car insurance, and bills, and working full time to barely cover those costs.

My family lives only a half an hour or so from the town in which I currently live. Due to an impending divorce, my parents are selling the house and each getting their own places (still relatively close by).

My father is planning to go on a temporary assignment for his place of employment which will mean that he will basically be out of state for a year or so. He has posed as an option for me that I could stay with him instead of living with my friends, not pay rent, and in a few months I’d have the whole place (whatever place that may be) to my self for a year.

This is very appealing to me for two reasons. First, I’ll be able to save, and do all sorts of fun things that young people do with money. Second, my plans for “time off from school” did not involve focusing my whole life around barely being able to pay the bills; I’d like to be a little free to explore my options and not be trapped by a job and debts (I’m still young for goodness sake!).

So, the problem with this all is that about a week ago my friends found a place to live, and they have both signed the lease, as well as given the landlord a substantial amount of the deposit. Is there any way for me to work this out in a way that won’t make me come off as a jerk, or should I just live with my friends and suffer through the doldrums of discontent (sorry, that just popped into my head) and put up with having no money for the sake of unity, harmony, goodwill and peace on earth?

2

And I thought that this was a thread about adhesives…doh well. This thing is off to IMHOASAAMSI.

3

This may be a non-option for whatever reason, but you could have your friends move in with you after those few months are up.

4

Not to be a sty on the eye of your question…um, my “opinion” is this belongs in MPSIMS or IMHO.

As for your issue, if your father has given you the green light to save some money while he is away and you can stand to live with him (when he’s home) then go for it. You don’t have to go the route of your friends do. Sheesh, as one that never went to college but had family property to live as cheaply as I could, I did it. I didn’t feel bad. I had the opportunity so I snagged it.

You can simply tell your friends that you want to save some money and go your own way…you care for them and you want them to come party, you dig them but given the opportunity you feel this is the best route for you at this time.

Don’t feel loyal to your friends, feel loyal to yourself first. You will always have to live with you but you and your friends will eventually go separate ways.

5

It sounds like the situation has progressed to the point where you’ve sort of consented to moving in with your friends, and changing your mind now would feel like “backing out of a deal”, right? So… figure out what the problems would be with “backing out” and fix them.

Backing out puts your friends in a posititon of being one rent-contributor short. You could fix this problem by either finding them another suitable rent-contributor, or offering to pay your share of the rent for the month or two that they look (meanwhile, having use of the place, which can have its advantages).

The other problem backing out could bring up is that “bailing” on the deal for no apparent good reason might strain your friendship. This can be smoothed over by explaining the situation in terms of money (“I just can’t afford to live there right now”), which points out that it’s nothing personal.

Third, admit right up front that you’re backing out. Bad news goes over a lot better when you take responsibility right up front. Say something like, “you guys are going to hate me, but I’ve got to bail on the new place,” then explain the situation. They won’t actually hate you. Many people would try to present the situation in a way which pretends they are not to blame, which makes it into something bigger. You are to blame, but it’s not a big deal. You honestly thought you’d want to move in with them, and you’ve honestly changed your mind. Say you’re sorry, and you’ll still have friends.

And, yes, this sounds like an IMHO thread.