this is going to be long, but i really need some input / advice / opinions from neutral people.
up until last february, i was living in a miserable situation. it took me forever to save up enough money to get out.
after months of looking for a new place that i could afford (in a safe area), clean, in decent condition, with room for all my belongings that had been in storage for over two years blah blah i finally found a roommate situation that seemed ideal.
i would have preferred my own place, but it was a financial impossibility because rental prices here are through the roof. the fact that i am only earning approximately 60% of what i had been up until the end of 2000 put severe limits on my price range.
to give you an idea what prices are like around here, one apartment i went to see was a 4th floor walk-up. the corners of the cabinets were littered with mouse poop, no fridge, no stove, the floors were 1970’s linoleum that was peeling and torn, and the place could not have been more than 400 square feet. it was $975 a month (plus utilities), a month and a half security, and one months broker fee plus the first months rent up front.
i should also note that a goal of mine is to move out of the area completely, but for several different reasons i am unable to do so at this time.
the share i found seemed like an ideal situation. the woman i was to be sharing the duplex with with was much younger (she’s 27, i’m 46) but that was not an issue for me. my main concerns were that anyone i shared a place with be sane, pick up after themselves, be financially responsible, no drugs or drama, quiet and so on.
i was very up front and clear about what i needed, and what was expected both by and from me, and thought that this person had been forthright as well.
since i do not have unlimited funds, before i made my decision i asked her what my share of the utilities would be. she replied that my half would be anywhere from $100 to $150 a month. i was fine with that, and budgeted $150 per month to be on the safe side.
my share of the first months bill was about $235. since i keep my heat on at 60 degrees, and am very frugal where energy is concerned, i was astonished. at the time, i said nothing.
when the same thing happened the next month, i spoke with my roommate about the situation. i detailed what i do to conserve energy, explained that i simply cannot afford bills this high, and reminded her that when i had asked what the bills averaged that i was told $100 to $150 per month, and so forth.
she said she was “sorry” that she had “miscalculated” so badly. it turns out that the utilities average $460 a month, and not the $200 to $300 I was told.
i explained that this was pretty much a financial impossibilty for me, and that i was not willing to give up my entertainment/eating out budget up completely for her “miscalculation”. since she has lived here for 5 years, I really don’t think it was a miscalculation.
i suggested that we drop anything over basic cable (hbo & showtime) and apply what that would have cost to the gas & electric. she refused. so i made it clear that the gas & electric bill must go down. a lot.
to call her a power (as in electrical) whore would be putting it nicely. i have never seen a human being waste as much electricity as she does. there has been more than one day that i came home from work to find that she had left her a/c blasting while she was at work, but she had also left the bathroom window wide open. since she leaves for work an hour after i do, i have no way of preventing this.
one day i came home to find that she had left the lights on in her bedroom, her living room, the kitchen and bathroom, the ceiling fan, a floor fan, all her personal electrical devices plus the stereo all on for at least 11 hours with no one home. even the exhaust vent in the bathroom was on all day. i could go on and on with examples, but i’m sure you get the idea.
frankly, i am amazed that she doesn’t leave her blow dryer on 24/7, just in case she has to use it. it really is that bad.
i have had several discussions with her about this, all to no avail. she feels that “life isn’t worth living” unless she has every electrical appliance on 24/7. If I weren’t footing half the bill, i wouldn’t give a shit.
i know that i am more conservative than most people when it comes to energy use, but i am in no way into suffering for the sake of saving 3 cents. she seems to be under the impression that i am, probably because i personally cut back even further to help take the financial sting out of her her excess.
when i approached her, being polite but firm, for the umpteenth time about the bills, explaining yet again that i cannot afford for this to go on, i got the distinct impression that she was doing at least some of this out of spite.
another issue is her “friends with benefits” guy that lives upstairs. he is in our place from two minutes after she gets home until anywhere between midnite and 3 am every single night. since i really did not want to feel like a 3rd wheel in my own home, i asked her before i took the place if she had a boyfriend. she said she didn’t.
the fact that i can hear them having sex and her bed squeaking disgusts me. it also keeps me up at night. i have spoken to her umpteen times about this also. they won’t go upstairs to his place because he doesn’t want his roommate to know that they are screwing.
one night he lost his keys, and they were tearing the place up until 3 am looking for them. she (and he) didn’t seem to comprehend that i have every right to a good nights sleep.
this man has a voice that carries, so i hear his voice as background noise every night. he walks with lead feet (her bedroom is above mine). he also likes her to walk around in these clear plastic shoes he bought for her and stockings, all of which i get to hear.
no matter what i say, it fails to sink in with her.
she also cooks for this guy, and leaves the mess for me to clean up when i can’t stand it any more. she once left a dirty frying pan on the stove for 7 days, until i finally washed it. she always tells me how “sorry” she is, and how she was “going to do it”.
last sunday i spent 5 hours scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom. the every other week cleaning lady that is included in my rent has only shown up three times in the last 7 months, but that is a whole other issue. anyway, she came home carrying some flowers, and a whole lot of petals fell on the floor. then she dribbled some liquid on the floor. i cleaned the floor again, and was pissed.
tuesday night, i was in my room and i smelled pot. she can’t get off her ass to wipe her mess up, the sink was full of food scrapings and dishes, but she has enough energy to “entertain” mr. friends with benefits outside on the deck. when i saw that her tv, fans, lights, absolutely everything had been on in the house while they were outside for hours, I was steaming. i switched the lights off and slammed the door.
two minutes later, she trots in and says “we have to talk” . then she tells me that i “have to leave”. not that i think that is such a bad idea at this point, but movers cost money. so do new apartments and cab fare to go see them.
i was willing to put up with everything except the outrageous utility bills in order to save up for my goal of leaving the area completely. it was a means to an end.
she has a month and a half security deposit from me. i plan on telling her to use it for october rent and my share of october’s bills. i doubt i will ever see the balance.
i am now going to have to spend every single waking hour i am not at work looking for a place. i am upset about this. i am also upset that i am going to have to use every single cent i saved up to leave the area on moving within the area. plus i will have to borrow at least $1,000 from my boss on top of that. and i bartered my services to a contractor on nights and weekends during november in exchange for the use of two of his men for a day to help move me.
i’m not really willing to eat the cost of the move and to work night and day to pay for it. i don’t want to use all my hard earned savings on a lateral move. that money is towards me getting out of here completely.
what do i do?