Advice requested 'Should I say anything?'

I’d appreciate your views on this.

I’m one of a small bunch of old* school friends that meet a few times a year.
We’ve been doing this for decades and enjoy it a lot.

At the last meeting, Charlie** turned up with a stinking cold and sneezed most of the weekend. He mentioned the problem had been going on for a week.
A day after I got home, I went down with similar symptoms (shivering, sneezing, feeling weak) and spent 3 days stuck at home recovering.

Should I ask Charlie not to come to future meetings if he thinks he’s infectious?
By phone or e-mail
*? And how should I phrase it?**

*in both senses of the word - we’re long-term mates and most of us are now retired
**not his real name
***we live a long way apart

Are you the bubble boy? Will a cold possibly kill you?

And why single this one person out? If you are going to say something, address it to the entire group.

If it were me, and it was a group of people that I don’t see that often, I would want to see everyone. If someone had a cold that was in the group, I would just be extra careful, about washing ny hands, touching my face, etc…

I do play poker occasionally, but I’ve never reached ‘bubble boy’. :wink:

When you’re retired, colds/flu are more annoying. I didn’t enjoy three days of mild suffering.

I appreciate the comment about not singling people out.

I tried to be hygenic, but the group spent about 18 hours in the same room as Charlie (and apparently I wasn’t the only one to catch his infection.)

If you want to say something, say it to everyone in the group and try and make it humorous. Do you send group emails around to organise these meets? Something like: “I’ll be there unless any of you bastards are coughing and wheezing, I was sick as a dog after our last meet.”

  1. He could assume most people had already had it, you aren’t new born babies
  2. If by chance you didn’t have immunity, he can also assume you’ll get it someday anyway
    Think about 2 some more… You’d get it this week or next , ANYWAY

It goes around like that…

  1. better to get it while you are young and fit :slight_smile:

This is good.

(Sometimes I feel I act like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory - out of step with standard society…)

I agree that such stuff goes around locally.
However I live in a small village and Charlie lives in a city over 200 miles away.

Having reached 60, I fully appreciate how wonderful youthful health is. :smack:

I wouldn’t say anything.

I wouldn’t say anything to everyone. In this situation it’s clear the message is meant for Charlie, and putting in a statement clearly meant for Charlie in a group email is much more embarrassing than a discreet email sent just to him. I personally wouldn’t send that either, but it’s better than a public message to winkwink everyone.

No it’s not just a message to Charlie…is Charlie the only one that’s prone to colds? Everyone is. I don’t stay home when I just have a cold. I don’t shake hands with people or eat after others when I have a cold, but I don’t isolate myself either.

If glee is going to say anything it should be in the manner that sandra_z recommended.

I’d address everyone, not single him out. Maybe point out that aging often includes more fragile health, for many: “Please take care. Consider not attending if you are sneezy, coughy, or unwell, out of an abundance of caution and concern for those more fragile.”

Think about whether such an email would have stopped him attending. Some people are going to come, sick or not, whatever you say. Because people are just people. Better to just accept that, I think.

I’d wager that a very large percentage of people, who are convinced they know from whom they contracted their illness, are woefully mistaken, more often than not! It’s easy to pin this on Charlie because he was loudly sneezing and coughing. But it could just as easily have been someone else, who was there. Someone who just came from their grand children’s party or such. They touched something you also touched. Maybe you were already immune to the bug Charlie had, but were exposed to some new thing by someone else in the group, who has yet to manifest symptoms. Can you really KNOW with certainty from whom you got this bug? I think not. In which case you need to let it go, in my opinion.

I recently returned from overseas, took sick the day before getting on the plane. Arrived home and spent 20mins socializing with the dog walker, before he left. (No hugging, no handshake, etc.) He was dreadfully sick the next day and convinced he’d gotten it from me. Which IS possible, of course. But I think it’s unlikely, more likely he was already coming down with something, in my opinion!

You got to spend time with Charlie, and you got a stinking cold.

If you’d rather have missed Charlie for another year and not got the cold, you need to use this as the opportunity to establish a general rule for the group, in the way sandra_z suggested.

If you think that on balance the cold was a fair price to pay for seeing Charlie, there’s not much to be done.

What would you want to be told? Let’s say it’s almost time for the next reunion and you come down with a nasty cold. Your friends say, “Tough break glee, but do us a favour and stay away this year. We don’t want to risk it.” Are you cool with that? Would you mind sitting out for the greater good?

Why are you asking about this? Stuff happens.
What are the chances of it ever happening again?

1.You meet together2-3 times a year.
2. Somebody might have a cold for a few days.

Now, since this is the Dope. somebody (who didn’t flunk statistics like me) will join the thread and calculate the probabilities.
And then somebody else will tell us about various types of cold viruses and how they affect people of different ages.
And then somebody else will discuss the pharmaceutical industry’'s attempts to find a cure.
And then we’ll have a good thread going!

But in the meantime, enjoy your mates while you’re all still alive.
There will be plenty of chances to insult them later…one at a time, after they kick the bucket. :slight_smile:

This is all helpful and I appreciate it. :slight_smile:

Originally I felt certain Charlie was to blame, but he’s a good friend and I didn’t want to upset or embarrass him.

But now, based on your advice, I’ve decided to leave it.

It’s good to have friends. ::cool:

I think this is a smart decision.

Considering how many different cold viruses there are, these are both very poor assumptions.