Advice you'd give your 18-year-old self

In My Humble Opinion
61

In 1997 I would tell myself…

  1. The principal’s daughter isn’t all that special. In fact, she’s a bit bitchy. Not worth your obsession.

  2. When you get that internship that somehow allows you to also still be a full-time student, getting full room and board, SAVE EVERY PENNY YOU MAKE FROM IT. Or pay off your credit cards. Don’t blow it on CDs. You’re in college and Napster is still around, for chrissakes!

  3. Learn how to handle stress better. You’ll be a better editor in chief in college, and your hairline will thank you.

  4. Actually, think again about even becoming editor in chief. Sure, you’d have a different handle on that message board you’ll end up joining, but wouldn’t it be nice to get laid once between Nov. '98 and Feb. '01?

  5. Take some classes about that new-fangled World Wide Web. You’ll find out you really like doing stuff with it, yet are never quite qualified for the jobs you want.

  6. Buy some Apple shares before October 2001.

  7. Green Bay 35, New England 21; Denver 31, Green Bay 24; Denver 34, Atlanta 19; St. Louis 23, Tennessee 16; Baltimore 34, New York Giants 7; New England 20, St. Louis 17; Tampa 48, Oakland 21; New England 32, Carolina 29; New England 24, Philadelphia 21; Pittsburgh 21, Seattle 10; Indianapolis 29, Chicago 17. :slight_smile:

62

This should probably be aimed at my 15 year old self, but here goes…

  1. When you are first offered cocaine, please decline. You have no idea what is coming, but it’s very, very bad.

  2. You are beautiful and smart. I have no idea where your low self-esteem came from (lie, but stay with me), but you do not need to fuck a guy to feel good about yourself. Stop sleeping with people to feel liked.

  3. That great guy you are dating, whose dad was an asshole and hit them? The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree- leave him alone.

  4. That cute guy in your class who plays bass? He’s gonna win a Grammy in a few years, you might see if he likes you! :wink:

:smiley:

63

To me between grade 13 and university, August 1981:

You might have had more chance than you thought with Kathy S, but it’s too late now. Remember that, though, for the social world coming up in university.

Your instinct relating to solar power is good, buit it will be a long time before it starts to take off. The architecture school at Waterloo University won’t get it, but don’t give up.

Your other instict relating to computers and electronics is also good, but learn about business and the stock market as well.

Draw people more, especially after you leave Waterloo. Taking illustration might not be a bad idea.

Exercise and learn to coordinate your body. Join a gym or take a martial art. Yes, I know, gym f**ked you over and taught you shame and humiliation, and you swore you’d newer have anything to do with it again, but consider this: team sports are not the only form of physical edication. You need exercise you can do alone or with a trainer.

That karate class in high school was a good idea, too, even if you did t for the wrong reasons (i. e. trying to impress Kathy S).

You also need social training. You need to learn to listen to other people, and to set aside your whirring mind and just look at what they’re doing.

Take care of your teeth.

Massage is good.

You will meet Anna-Marie H in architecture school. If you get the chance to ask her out on a date, especially when visiting her at her parents’ place, do it! It might not work, given all the other things you do not yet know, but you and she are more compatible than you imagine. And if you don’t, it will be the greatest regret of your life.

64

Don’t Marry Her !!!

…and…

Don’t Marry Her either !!!

65

Don’t cry. One day you’ll look back on your undergrad years and the immediate churning in your stomach will only feel slightly reminiscent of the Toxic Egg and Smoked Sausage Incident of 1993. So rejoice in that.

And also: vet school will make up for everything.

66

  • Don’t marry him. Screw him if you must, but don’t be the good Catholic girl. He’s screwing your friend Stacey (dump her now too). You’ll find out 6 months after the wedding.

  • It’s not your fault he (and Stacey) did that. Don’t let that screw with your future relationships.

  • Look a little harder at Tim. He’s been your best bud for 2 years. He’ll be your best friend for another 25 (and counting), you’ll both always wonder what if. But then again, it may have fubared the friendship.

  • Don’t stop jogging or playing raquetball. You’ll regret it.

  • Don’t put your dreams on hold for others. Go to college. Go to law school.

  • Tell your mother to shut up when she starts. Several times if need be.

  • Stay away from Bob. He’s not really wounded and in need of emotional support. It’s just his game to get laid. He’ll still be playing that card 25 years later.

67

Good news: you’re going to get the girl.

Bad news: not that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or her, either.

While we’re at it, don’t let the coworker move in for a few months to get back on his feet. No, it’ll be at a different job. Trust me on this.

68

Hey!

69

Advice to me in 1995:

I know you love him, but after tormenting each other for another five years, you’re just going to end up friends anyway and it won’t be worth the emotional investment you put into the relationship.(nor the damage to your self-esteem) Don’t waste those years now. There are other guys, really.

Don’t major in English-Journalism. You’re going to hate it. Teaching won’t pan out either. Think harder about what you’d like to do with your life.

Exercise is your friend. Walking is a good start, but you’re going to kick yourself years later when you realize how big an impact crunches can have on your waistline, do them right now while you’re already pretty thin without much effort!

70

I wouldn’t start right out giving advice to myself. I would sit myself down and spend an hour talking about all the things I’d seen in the intervening 20-something years, both the wonderful and the terrible. I would explain that regardless of what he felt like at the time, those little towns in PA were not, repeat not the world, and that those years you languished in high school were not going to be the best of your life. Then I’d patiently explain that his parents were two very intelligent, well-meaning people who happened to be out of their fucking minds. If he hadn’t gotten it by then, I would explain to him that his life wasn’t kind of fucked-up because he was depressed; he was depressed, because his life was kind of fucked-up, and once he got away from it, the depression would go, too.

I would do this until I got it through to him that he needed to strike out on his own. Then I would give him this advice:

  1. Save your money from the job, and one day, drive an hour or so to that small city. Then find a homeless person who looks safe and sane enough, and pay him $50.00 to teach you how to live on the road on a shoestring budget, pack a kit, hide money, survive life on the streets, and the like. When you feel you’re ready, hitchhike to California. The Bay Area, which is one of the more renowned places for starting over in life. With your high school diploma, general demeanour, and good work ethic, you will not be homeless for too long, and even if you are, it is better than staying at home. Trust me, being free will be well worth the suffering and risk to life and limb.

  2. Linty, I’m going to tell you this once, and you’d better GODDAMN well listen: Do not sleep with weird chicks! Ever!! I don’t care if you’re weird, too!

Then again . . .

If I’d done that, I might well have been killed, preparation or no. Life as a wanderer is extraordinarily dangerous, and I would have learned most of the lessons the hard way.
I would not have gone to college and gone through that rollercoaster relationship with that weirdo and realized that my life up to that point was a total sham.
I would not have joined the army.
Because I wouldn’t have joined the army, I would not have met Mrs. Fresh, the smartest, most beautiful woman in the world, who is currently in the kitchen cooking me Fettucini with mushroom sauce. My wife is worth a whole lot of mistakes in my life. She was worth the wait. So I probably would have just told myself that it got better and to wait and see.

71

Save your money. Buy some land. Preferably mountain property. Repeat.

72

Yes, she really did want to sleep with you.

So did she.

And her too.

But the one you finally got some off, you really should have fucking avoided. And vice versa.

73

Two things really.

  1. When offered that health insurance at work, take it. It’s going to come in handy real soon. When your stomach starts giving you pains and you run a slight fever in November, don’t wait until April to get checked.

  2. When you get the offer at a job in Maine for $32k/year plus benefits, doing stuff you love, with a substantial raise once you get your certs, take it!

74

I can’t tell, from the OP or the responses, whether I’m supposed to give myself advice at 18 to be followed right then, or advice to be stored away for future use. I’ll go with the former, otherwise we’ll be here a while.

  1. Quit going to your parents’ church. You haven’t seriously believed it since you were ten years old. Every year you put this off is another year of your life wasted.

  2. Do well in college now, while Dad and Mom are still willing to help you pay for it. Assuming they still are willing, after you follow piece of advice #1.

  3. Just because you quit going to church doesn’t mean it’s open season on every psychoactive chemical you can get your hands on. You know what kind of personality you have. Be safe and be smart.

75

Whe you are 21 and again when you are 24 you will be faced with a choice that will strike terror in your heart.

Here’s what you do.

Tell him you love him. Just TELL HIM. Then you won’t be saddled with this deep sadness and regret almost 15 years later. More importantly, you will know whether it would have made any difference, and you can then go on with your life in peace.

76

I know you’re screwed up about your mom’s death right now, but pay attention, these things are going to be really important soon.

You need to get out of the house as soon as possible. The family is going to be falling apart. You need time alone to get your head straight, away from your crazy sister and your dad. Besides, the less screwed-up sister might need some help soon. Hell, she might be helping you out. She will after all have the drive to get herself emancipated, out of the house, and manage to support herself pretty well despite the circumstances. Dad’s going to sell the place in about a year anyway. Might as well get out early.

At least try to apply to some universities right away. Community college is going to be okay from an education point of view, but it will have the disadvantages of keeping you in a shithole of a city and close to family and other drama. You have to move anyway, and moving out of the area isn’t much harder than staying around “home.” Moving away and making that commitment to university will probably help you keep focused on my next piece of advice: stay with science and technical fields. Your strengths are in language, but you can hack the science stuff (if many people less intelligent than you can, you can too) it will be a continuing interest for you, and it gives more opportunities for better pay and cooler jobs than a literature degree.

Research grants and scholarships. Student loans will screw you for years if you don’t get some outside funding that you don’t have to pay back. Your grades in high school sucked mostly because you were bored and lazy, though mom’s cancer over the last two years didn’t help anything. Too late to change that now, but find out what kind of money you can get anyway.

Oh, and be more ambitious in your job searches. Working in the mall is a waste of time. Try getting an internship at a newspaper, since you’re pretty good at writing, or something that builds some useful skills or a portfolio. Low- or no-pay jobs that teach you something are probably better than dead end jobs like working in the mall. Trust me, I worked at a mall job for a year. It barely supported the vehicle I needed to get there (BTW, sell the Ford Escort now; it’s a money pit) and the cost of eating out that was practically the only way to get any food on that schedule. Plus, the irregular schedule will interfere with school and screw with your social life. Let’s not even mention the financial repercussions of a job that varies from 5 to 35 hours a week depending on the whims of the manager.

You’re going to get some money from your mother’s life insurance. GET A FINANCIAL ADVISOR. Do not listen to your buddy, K. He’s going to be both one of the best and worst things in developing other aspects of your life, but his advice on investments is going to be disastrous in the long run, no matter how promising the start is. Especially stay away from investing in anything to do with medicine during the Clinton administration. US Surgical will tank and take all of your money if you invest in it. That seed money will be a godsend in later years if you handle it right, otherwise you’re going to be broke for over a decade.

Hang out with K, learn from him, but remember that he’s a bit crazy, so don’t buy into too much of his crap. Also, you’re not gay. K and his friends are going to be great guys to be friends with, they’re going to be important in your life, and you’re going to wonder if you’re gay just because they are. You’re not, so don’t waste any angst on it. Use the new social skills and self esteem you learn from them to go out and get some girls.

They’re right; you are hotter than you think. Use that and improve on it by staying with the sports you’ve done, and get involved in some activities that you’re interested in. Take some chances on those. Don’t just think about rock climbing, go do it. You’ll like it a lot. And get some nicer clothes. I mean, damn, boy. Classic fashion is better for you than trendy, and trust me, the 90s fashion trends will suck hard.

Sleep with that older chick you’re going to meet in a year or so. She probably will blow your mind. (I wouldn’t know, because I was stupid and didn’t take her numerous hints). And avoid the younger one you’re going to meet at the Renaissance Faire. You have better things to do than pining over her. She’s still in her playing with men’s minds phase. Let the (several) other guys sniffing around deal with her games and don’t get involved.

Speaking of which, stay the fuck away from crazy women. If they need fixing, let someone else deal with it. If you’re immediately attracted to her for no reason, run. At this point in your life you’re going to be inexplicably attracted to abused women who will cause you no end of heartache. Don’t get involved with them. I’ll show you some bad poetry inspired by several breakups as aversion therapy. Yeah, hurts the eyes doesn’t it? Remember that most of this is inspired by women who will—consciously and deliberately, or not—behave in ways that will emotionally torture you. Believe me, you’ll be much better off going for women who don’t have “issues.”

77

Don’t be so afraid of what others think.

Ask more questions. Ask more followup questions.

You’re not stupid; actually you’re pretty damn smart, and if something sounds stupid to you it almost certainly is.

Don’t censor youself so much.

78

Don’t worry, disco won’t last forever.

79

From 1983 -

Quit smoking. Now. It will be much harder in 10 years when you are smoking 30 a day.
Get a job - you aren’t ready for uni, maybe in a few years time.
You are much better looking than you think, you don’t need to be so shy.
Make as much time for your dad as you can now - Alzheimers will take him away from you soon.
Learn to drive - it really will change your life for the better.

80

Don’t, for the love of god, pursue broadcasting. As an industry it’s a worthless meat-grinder.

Sex and love are not the same thing.

Getting hurt is sometimes the best thing that can happen to you. Not immediately, obviously, but it’s the only way to learn.

Stop smoking.

Stick with the guitar/piano lessons. You’ll be glad.

Pursue writing passionately, part of which involves reading absolutely everything you can get your hands on. Stop being picky. Oh, and stop bitching about how difficult Shakespeare is to read. You will eventually get the hang of it.