As I’ve already said on these boards, in my 8th grade, I was privileged to have a unique cultural experience. My grade school class was roughly half white and roughly have African American–neither race had a clear majority. I also learned African Americans have a unique way of talking, laughing–and sometimes thinking, I think.
Anyways, I remember when you got into a little tiff with an African American boy back then, and you wanted to just use a playful, harmless insult, you called him “gay”. Believe it or not, I think I avoided many arguments that way.
Then the next year (this would have been around the early-to-mid 80’s FYI), I went to a predominantly white high school. I remembered the playful jab of being gay. And I even used it once or twice in my new hs. Boy, was that a big mistake. I almost got beat up each time–for jokingly telling a white kid he was gay (even though, as I said, AA’s apparently had no problems with this). And these were both RC schools too, BTW.
Why was there such a big difference in reaction apparently back then? (BTW, if it’s any help, even at this time, the white kids were beginning to be more accepting of homosexuality–and the AA’s were just a little more conservative, it seemed at least.)
I really don’t think this is a black or white thing. We’re about the same age. I could easily joke around with one of my friends about being “gay” and it wouldn’t be a big deal. However, if I tried to pull that shit on someone I didn’t really know that well, it would not turn out well for me.
Just a WAG, but I would bet that the OP’s remembered experiences wouldn’t be consistent ‘nationwide’. (What does “both RC schools” imply? )
IMHO, your experiences might have been different in, say… A different area. (up North vs. down South) or a different social setting. (small town vs. big city)
ETA: I concur with Shakes that it may not be a “black or white thing”, and like Shakes, I feel that I could easily get away with that sort of thing, amongst friends.
Likewise, I wouldn’t even consider it with someone that I don’t know very well.
YMMV
IME, the ‘setting and context’ (and how well you know someone), can mean all the difference between, “them’s fightin’ words, you SOB!” and “Oh yeah? Bend over, I’ll show you how gay I am, buddy!” (along with a friendly, punch in the arm) YMMV
I have never encounted this specific discrepancy before, but I do think black kids and white kids use different kinds of insults and different means of kidding around.
Another hypothesis to the OP: the differences in ages. 8th grade is different from the 9th grade in terms of a person’s sexual identity. Maybe the notion of gay seems rather abstract to boys still in grammar school, but by 9th grade, with all the hormones kicking in, boys realize how important it is to their egos to assert their manliness.
As everyone else said, I doubt it was race, it may have been who you were friends with. Jokingly calling a friend gay is one think, jokingly calling someone you don’t know gay may not have sounded like a joke to them. What Monsto said also makes sense.
Lastly, you might look up the people you said it to on facebook. On the off chance they ended up being gay (or in anyway not straight) it could be that you ‘hit to close to home’ so to speak. That’s a long shot, but in the late 80’s/early 90’s with how often the word ‘gay’ was tossed around as a synonym for ‘not cool’ or ‘stupid’, not to be derogatory to gay people, it was just the word that was used at the time, much like ‘retarded’ came into use after that, I’m sure plenty of still closeted gays got pretty sick of being called gay when they did something stupid.
That scenario played out at work once (20+ years ago). Someone at work once said to a coworker “Stop being gay” or “that was gay” to which she responded “so what if I am” and suddenly the butch haircut/wallet chain/rainbow tattoo all made sense.
When I went to a Catholic high school in an Irish/Italian neighborhood in the 1960s, joking accusations of “you’re gay” were common and generally not taken with serious offense. However, if it was meant as a real accusation it probably would have lead to a fistfight.
I’ve always heard it the other way around from the OP’s experience – that bantering about being gay is common enough among white male friends (think Jackass or Franco/Rogen) but generally Not Done among black men.
Yep. Just part of being a dude (especially a teenage dude). You and your buds rag on each other by insinuating the other is gay (and anyone else likes it or not the word fag gets thrown around a lot) and/or has a small penis? Male bonding. Someone other than your circle of friends says the same thing? Thems fighting words.
I’m sorry I didn’t answer your question. But I didn’t understand it. I thought you were asking about the deeper philosophical implications of “RC” (i.e., Roman Catholic) schools, so I thought you’d get a better answer from someone else. I didn’t realize you were confused by my use of the abbrev. “RC”. I guess I got “whooshed” too, if it’s any comfort;).
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