I play a card game called Magic: the Gathering, and a disturbing trend has surfaced. The kids who play the game are constantly using the word Gay to mean Stupid/Bad/etc. i.e. “That is so Gay.”
I know in my day we used our own slang, but if it ever offeneded anyone we didn’t use those words. In the game store I play Magic in, the kids know just how I feel about it. Even the store owner slips up on occasion and uses it (he is a moron, so I let him slide about 80% of the time). I really like the store and the players, but I am getting to the point where I am being offended on a weekly basis.
Is there a way to tell the kids that this is offensive without getting into my/others sexuality?
Seriously, you just have to tell them it’s offensive. No explanation required.
That sounds good on paper, but not easy to do? Fair enough. Every time they use the word “gay” go “HA HA!” like Nelson Muntz. Either this will be so annoying that they will stop using the word, or you all will develop a private joke.
I was once in Florida visiting a friend of mine. I’m white, she’s white, and her friend was white. And she and her friend were Southern, as they were from DEEP Florida. Her friend made an increadibly racist joke, which used the N word repeatedly. My friend isn’t a bigot, but she laughed. I didn’t and simply said “I just don’t think that’s funny.” That’s all you need to say.
Ask yourself if they were making racial slurs, how would you react? Same situation.
I’ve been thinking about starting a similar thread, so excuse the hijack. I’ve been trying to think of a good alternative word to use instead of “fag” of “gay”. For instance, when a buddy of mine, say, used “window treatments” in context I would say “Duce, that is so ______” or “You are such a _____”. Anybody got a vote for a new word?
Um…yea, Bruce. Don’t use any word. Using negative connotations or stereotypes towards minorities is offensive. Saying “Gee, all African Americans like watermellon and fried chicken” is blatantly offensive, though less offensive then the N word.
End result: try treating all people with respect, despite their religion, color or orientation and you won’t have to come up with new words.
This may not be helpful, but it seems kind of relevant. When I was working for a large software company, that phrase was also in use; as in “Databases are gay”, “MAPI is gay”, etc. I expected some of the gay people to object, but they didn’t. I asked one of the flambouyantly gay men on the team about it, and he said he understood that it wasn’t intended as a slight towards homosexuals, so it didn’t bother him. I can see why it might get on your nerves, though.
SwimmingRiddles, nah, I get it, that’s the reason I’m looking for another put down, not another word for “homosexual”. What I’m saying is “You’re listening to Sometimes When We Touch by Dan Hill? You are so effeminate!” just doesn’t have a good ring to it. “Lame” doesn’t work anymore. “Queer” - same problem as mentioned before. Is this making sense?
And please, guys are never going to quit putting each other down.
I have been driving myself batty trying to get people I know to stop using this! It seems straightforward to me, if you say ‘gay’ to equate with something negative, you’re being bigoted, plain and simple.
All I keep getting in return is “You’re overly sensitive” “PC bullshit” “I don’t mean it like that” and other lame excuses. Even if it’s not intended offensively, it’s just lazy and weak and it says volumes about the character of the person saying it.
If you find anything that actually works, do let us know.
Ok, think about all the really dumb things straight guys do (if you can’t think of any, ask any straight woman). The next time some guy does one of those things, just say, “That is so straight!”
Maybe if the shoe’s on the other foot, they’ll get the point.
Since you obviously mean fag, you might as well just say fag.
What you are doing is comparing your friends in a negative manner to either gay men or women according to your reasoning, but want to do so without offending gay men or women. You can’t.
Since guys so like to attach behaviour, interests etc to thier idea of maleness or masculinity why not just start saying “Dude, that’s so castrated!” and leave the rest of us out of it eh?
Person: Oh man, that car is so gay!
Me: Gay? It don’t look happy.
Person: Gay man. Like homosexual.
Me: So? That AMC Gremlin only sleeps with other AMC Gremlins?
Person: The car is stupid ok!?
Me: So It’s stupid AND happy? I don’t get it.
That seems to work pretty good. If you keep doing this around the same person they normally stop. My old co-worker used to use that term and it took me about 6 times before he stopped using it.
I would be interested in the history of this word. Exactly when did gay come to mean homosexual? And why?
I hear people use the word gay in a negative context. “That is so gay.” I have questioned / corrected people about this word choice. The responses I get make me think I am taking offense when none was inteneded. After thought, I am not convinced this word shows bigotry. Certainly the word is meant to be an insult. But is it connected to bigotry? I am not so sure.
FTR I don’t use this word to insult others.
This use of “gay” has been around at least 25 years. The problem is that there’s not really a good substitute. The words have become separate as far as I’m concerned, which is what the writers of J.C.'s quote were poking fun at. Sure, you could say "stupid, but it doesn’t really work. I’m all for getting rid of it if it offends people, but how? I’ve seen some people online use “ghey” as a substitute, but that seems doomed to fail.
As a high school teacher, I have noticed that students use the term “gay” to indicate someone/something/anything that is uncool. It has nothing to do with one’s sexual orientation.
If you want to try to convince them that the the usage could be construed as offensive to some -good luck. If you can successfully rationalize with today’s adolescent (God love’ em) and succeed: write a book, kick back, and watch the millions roll in.
On a similar note, to call one a fag / faggot is not necessarily meant to imply one is of a non-heterosexual persuasion. Simply put, it indicates a “low-down, scalawag whose presence I find offensive”- but again, I don’t think you’ll make much headway in having them use a more non-offensive term.
I dont have any more friends that are homosexual. I am an admitted homophobe. I dont care what gay men (physically) do just dont do it in my sensory zone. I am strangely fascinated with lesbian activities but thats a thread of a different color.
My children are the most blatant abusers of the term “gay”. I love messing with my sons mind about it (hes a pre-teen) but my daughtrs teenage friends are almost as equally clueless about its possible hurtfull effects.
Most of them do not regard the word “gay” when used as a slang or slur to mean anything homosexual or even sexual. Meanings can be anywhere from abnormal, dumb, strange, odd, unfashionable (which was very strange given that being gay is almost synonymous with fashion) or just being out of touch with reality. Whenever I challenged them roughly in the lines as seven’s post, everyone seems to just backtrack and deny any real relation to being called gay as opposed to being a gay person.
The phrase is not meant to hurt anyways. My daughter says it succinctly. Gay is a cool word to say. Using another word in its place wont be trendy and that would just be gay.
