Age differences.

You have a man and a woman, but with a 30 year age difference. Do you think when they get older the age difference doesn’t mean as much? Can they ever be together with out society looking down on them? I am just looking for views not answers.

I’m in my 30s (upper-range). I don’t seem to have anything in common with women my age. We don’t like the same music, we don’t have the same goals, our outlooks are different. I do relate to women in the 25-28 range.

I don’t think it’s so much the chronological difference that matters in a relationship, but the psychological and emotional similarities.

But then, I never saw much point in growing up.

“I must leave this planet, if only for an hour.” – Antoine de St. Exupéry

Are you a turtle?

When one reaches 110, the other’ll be a sprightly 80. Big difference ;).

“I am just looking for views not answers”.

Then this belongs in MPSIMS or Great Debates.
Anyway, 30 years seems like a big difference. One is old enough to be the other’s parent.


is on April 15th. Do you have what it takes?

I didn’t realize society “looked down” on couples with a 30-year age difference.

Age difference has been discussed in MPSIMS within the last month or so but I did a search and can’t find it.

I’ll repeat what I stated in that thread. There is an almost 20-year age difference between my S/O and me. Recently at our club they had the annual father/daughter golf tournament and I (jokingly) mentioned to my S/O that we should enter. Until I made that comment, he had never considered our age difference to be an issue; had never even really thought about it.

Our friends don’t consider it to be an issue; at least, not that we are aware of. One of my S/O’s business associates did say to me to be a couple of years ago: “You know, there are men your own age you could date.” I replied “Yes, I know, I recently divorced one of them.”

How rude.

“Words fascinate me. They always have. For me, browsing in a dictionary is like being turned loose in a bank.” - Eddie Cantor

One big drag of a 30 yr difference is old age. I’ve got an uncle who’s 80ish and aunt who’s 50ish. He’s been losing it the last 8-10 yrs, and now can’t eat or go to the bathroom by himself anymore. And she’s still relatively young. She’s had a rough past decade and sooner or later she’ll be a young widow.

Well I am dating someone and we have a 30 year age difference and except for the fact that people tell me yes you have a 30 year age difference it doesnt feel any different. I love him more than I would love anyone and we get along just fine even though he is old enough to be my father.

brittainy, depending on how old you and your respective SO are could cause some people to look twice. Not saying it’s right, just saying it happens.

Oh I understand that, and I dont expect people not to say something really. I just wondered what people thought of it. If I was the only one who didnt think it was such a big deal.

I hate when my topics die. Don’t you guys have anything to say about this one?

Well, I think it is utterly shameful for you to date someone with a thirty-year difference in your ages. You will probably destroy his social life, alienate his friends, and distress his family no end.

What is he going to say to his friends when they start discussing the latest Raffi CD and he has to admit that he has been listening to Rage Against the Machine? How will he deal with the cute-little-red-haired-girl that bats her eyes at him, knowing he has to be true to you? And how is his mother going to explain you to all the other pre-school kids’ moms?


WAG here. Is Brittainy (as far as I know, most parents who give their kids awful names of that sort spell it “Brittany”) John John’s sock puppet? It makes sense to me. He’d be dumb enough to pull off a misspelling like that, and he has a past of setting up teenage-girl sock puppets (for example, Sandycane, or whatever “her” name was). Besides, most of the teenage kids I know, and I know a lot of them, since I’m a teacher, are nowhere near as dumb as “Brittainy” is.

Well for one, I am the younger one in the relationship. And you my friend are irritating. Don’t you have to deal with controlling yourself when you are in a relationship with anyone when it comes to being true?

Lawrence: About my name thing, I am not sure if that was a compliment or not but thanks…=)

Of course, I’m irritating. On the other hand, you fairly begged for a response and I provided one. (I admit I misplaced my tongue-in-cheek emoticon when I posted, but I figured you’d pick up on the implication that you were 34–which I suspect you are not.) You’ll live.

(And I would not support Lawrence’s conjecture that you’re a sock puppet, but I would suggest you go rent a sense of humor.)

I don’t really have a whole lot to say, but I’ll ramble on about something, I’m sure.

It doesn’t seem like a major issue to me. Though it will turn heads.

People do seem familiar with age differences like that. Think of Michael Douglas and his new wife (my mind is drawing a blank - it does this to me, on purpose, just to make me sound like an idiot - thank you!).

There are, perhaps, issues to be aware of, such as the difference in perspective, interests, long-term goals, etc. For instance, one of my aunts married an older man. He had children from a previous wife, and didn’t want any more, whereas she wanted children. They had one son. It was a bone of contention between them for years.

I’m not saying that any of those issues are unique to the age gap. But perhaps the age gap accentuates them, raises the possibility there are more things that are in disagreement.

But if you think you’ve dealt with those issues, and both of you are happy, I’m not one to judge… much. :wink:

I think large age differences like this get more important as you get older. If one person is 20 and the other is say, 45, they are both going to be active, they can both look good, they can have children, etc. Now move forward 30 years. The 20-year old is 50, and still a young person with desires, and a long future ahead. The other person is 75 and maybe physically frail and nearing the end of the road.

Plus, you run a much higher risk of winding up a widow while you are still relatively young. There’s almost no chance that you’ll get to enjoy a retirement together. When you’re at retirement age, your spouse will be 90 or 95. So if you marry someone 30 years older and your marriage lasts, expect to spend your retirement years alone.

I think it’s very, very rare that these relationships work over the long run, partly because it’s damned hard to stay on an equal level. In many ways, it’s going to hard for a person 30 years older than you to give your opinions equal weight in all matters. It might be okay now, but I’d wonder what will happen when truly tough decisions come along. Over time, you may find youself being forced into a lesser role in the relationship.

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones

My $0.02
In 30yrs who will be more active in child rearing if children are planned in such a relationship. Who are the deprived in such a pairing? When you want kids (I’m assuming that you may in 5-10 yrs) he’s going to be not as active and soon might have medical problems.

When he was ready, it was already far too late, to go back.
There will never be another.
He is lost to me, as surely as if he had died.
Standing alone, I stare into the flames trying
to remember what went wrong.

Brit, is the older man divorced? In good health? Youthful? Do either of you have kids? How did you meet? What do your parents think about it?

Interesting. I’ve always been attracted to older men, typically in their forties or fifties. Have been since I was eighteen. Thing is, I’m almost thirty-three now, and I’m still attracted to men in their forties and fifties…

Maybe by the time I’m forty, I’ll find someone my own age and settle down with him.

I don’t see anything wrong with being with someone thirty years older than you, but you have to be aware of the problems involved and willing to deal with them. No fair bailing when he starts to show signs of physical/mental frailty.

“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side.” — Han Solo