Ah...nature; ah, CRAP!

Being good ‘murkins, the Ms and I decided to get away this past Labor Day weekend; to go out into the wilds of Alaska with only a 27’ motor home between us and certain death.

On Friday night we packed all the essentials: beer, cheetos, some green leafy things to make what the Ms calls “salad”, the trusty 12 ga. (not trusting to the forbearance of, well, bears), a selection of CDs and a Scrabble board, and my Nikon digital. Being the macho, rugged Alaskan he-man that I am, I elected not to take the DVD player, but rather to commune with Nature in other than a virtual way.

We made our way down past the State fair in Palmer, a veritable orgy of deep-fried halibut, salmon enchiladas, something called ‘kettle corn’, and rides violent enough to make you revisit the entire food experience. I wanted to stop to take a look at the 707 pound pumpkin (a new state record), since nothing appeals to a man more than oversized vegetables that he knows will never end up in his refrigerator. But I was overruled by my resident Weight-Watcher.

Onward we pressed, our goal the Matanuska Glacier overlook campground. We arrived in good order and found a nice spot, settling in for the day and night. The view of the glacier was spectacular as always, with the fall colors contrasting stunningly with the blue-white ice. The afternoon wore on, with the quiet of the beautiful fall day only interrupted by the sporadic gunfire of hunters sighting in their rifles on the State-provided targets along the road.

The next day we headed up closer to Sheep Mountain and descended into a gorgeous valley off the highway known mostly as ‘the ACS tower road’, more formally known as “Knob Lakes”. This is an area of low bushes, including blueberry, cranberry, crowberry, and lots of lichen. The surface is tundra-like and spongy, and the area is a favorite with the aforementioned hunters, who drive up and down the roads, clad in camouflage, glaring grimly out the windows, hands clutched over the steering wheel. I’m always puzzled by the camouflage, since if most of them wanted to blend in to their surroundings, they’d be wearing a blue tarp, or possibly a Ford logo.

We pulled into a wide spot off the road and settled in for the day. Since it’s late in the summer and it’s been very warm this year, we figured all the berries would have long since fallen from the bushes. But to my surprise, I immediately spotted blueberry bushes laden with fruit. I walked back into the bushes a bit to see how thick they might be, and leaned over to pick a few to taste.

As my head approached closer to the ground, I got a distinctive whiff of…oh crap! Looking down at my shoe, I spotted the brown goo, then to my horror the wads of toilet paper in the area. SUMBITCH! FREAKIN’ HUNTER MOTHER*&^%&!

It’s bad enough to step in dogshit, but there’s something truly and viscerally repulsive about having another human’s excrement on your person. Or your own, for that matter. Nature may call, but it’s common courtesy (not to mention proper camping etiquette) to dig a hole and bury your leavings.

Hiking up my pant leg, I heel-and-toed it back to the RV where I was able to sluice most of it off with the external showerhead, then deposited the offending garment in a ziplock bag for further disposition.

On the positive side, we went further afield and discovered a huge patch of berries that hopefully hadn’t been defiled, picking enough to make a respectable pie upon our return.

At least the beer was cold.

I came to visit your thread since you were so pouty, and it was real purty until you got to the potty stuff. All our blueberries were gone two weeks ago, and I’m really glad they are in my yard where no one but the bunnies poops under them. I still regret that we never got to move to Bethel, Alaska when the opportunity arose 20 years ago.

Bethel? :eek: Really? :eek: You must be a…er… ::struggles not to say ‘lunatic’:: …‘unusually adaptable’ person.

And thanks for stroking my pouty ego.

You realize don’t you that those blackberries you just ingested were fertilized by last season’s manpoop?

I know both places of which you speak. Sittin’ on that hill looking down on the Matanuska with color change as a backdrop is about as close to heaven on Earth as a person can find.

A state fair, a giant pumpkin, a glacier and poop. Chefguy you may have just created the perfect MPSIMS thread. :smiley:

Amen, brother. The initial sight simply takes your breath away. Continued gazing becomes hypnotic. I lost about two hours of my life sitting there, but damn it was a peaceful two hours.

Yes, Bethel, and it was considered a hardship posting, to be one of only two military families posted there. We were looking forward to it as an adventure, and happened to know friends of the people who were supposed to be leaving. So we wrote to them to get information, and never heard from them. The upshot of my letter, however, was that they knew someone was coming to replace them, knew that the transfer paperwork hadn’t arrived yet, and they applied to extend their tour before the official notification arrived. They must have really liked it up there. So despite all the negatives we heard, we figured there must have been some really big positives for them to screw us over like that and stay!

Is it really that bad?

Like anything, it’s all a mindset, really. It’s pretty grim from the aspect of someone used to living in a city. The utility piping is all above ground, which gives the place the look of an oil camp of some kind, and the housing isn’t the best quality. Goods and services are lacking and costly. The weather is god-awful much of the time and the mosquitoes are legendary. But the fishing is some of the best in the world, and life is pretty simple. You have to WANT to go to a place like that, which many people do. It’s a Native settlement, so there is a lot of Yu’pik culture to absorb. See this site for more info. Take the virtual tour.

Thanks for the info. It’s been 20 years since we had our chance to go there. If we’d had the internet then we probably wouldn’t have been so eager! It does seem a little bleak…I have the need for trees, you see! And since fishing is one of those things I prefer to sit in the shade and WATCH people do, and since I am every mosquito’s favorite snack, maybe that couple did us a favor! But aside from the price of milk and potatoes, the prices don’t seem bad. Just the lack of indoor plumbing…