Ah-ooooo, "The Werewolf"'s Being Remade

Another Hollywood classic’s being mutilated.

Well, I saw Benicio Del Toro walking with Emily Blunt
Doing the werewolves of London
I saw Benicio Del Toro walking with Emily Blunt
Doing the werewolves of London
I saw a werewolf drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic’s
His hair was perfect

[With sincerest apologies to Warren Zevon. RIP.]

Well, heck, they already redid all the classic Universal monsters with Von Helsing. What more can they do?

Something original?

Benicio would appear to be a good fit though. Hopkins too (unfamiliar w/ Blunt). I’m holding out hope for this one that it’ll scare the bejesus out of today’s youth the way the original scared it out of me.

Van Helsing was original – it was just BAD.
With the advent of CGI and with modern audiences, any werewolf or wolfman these days is going to be a more wolf-like, rapid-moving CGI creature. They’ve done the obvious stuff.
Universal’s film “The Wolfman” and its predecessor “Werewolf of London” were odd flicks. They had no literary or stage predecessors, unlike Frankenstein and Dracula and the Mummy. Although there was a tradition of men who could turn into wolves, there wasn’t much more than that, and Hollywood didn’t want to do that directly – they couldn’t do convincing evil wolves, the technology wasn’t theree to give them convincing wolklike creatures. They compromised with hairy, wolf-nosed and toothy humans, which at least kept the face free so the actors could emote. They created their own mythology and felt free to ignore it in later movies – the whole “turn i nto a wolf involuntarily at the full moon”, “wolfbane”, even, I think, “killed by a silver bullet”. the werewolf/wolfman became a kind of Jeckyll-Hyde thing, only with the additional; tragedy that this was None of the Wolfman’s fault. The first film introduced the idea, the second one did it better, I think. Lon Chaney, Jr. really could act, but he rarely got decent roles.

After the first two flicks, they just kind of threw him in as needed – they needed another monster for Frankenstein to fight in Frankenstein Vs. the Wolf Man. He was in because it was mandatory for House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula and Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.

Other companies used wolfmen after that from time to time. There was a big boost around 1980, when three wolfman movies hit theaters at about the same time. Then in recent years we got fast-moving , oversized, more wolfthan human werewolves courtesy of CGI.

Maybe they can do something original. If so, I’d suggest jettisoning the whole Wlfbane/Pentagram/Fullmoon idiocy and create a new mythology. I’ll bet the studio won’t let them, though.
How much you wanna bet that the hero isn’t an Optical Engineer in this one, like Larry Talbot was in the original? Makes me proud.

Emily Blunt’s best known as the hot British assistant in THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA.

Not sure about del Toro in the Chaney role, but Hopkins as Claude Rains ROCKS!

Now, who’s playing Maria Ouspenskya?


“You, and 20 million other guys…”

Well, not all at once, I’d hope.

There wolf.

Joe Johnston’s a good workmanlike director, so I’m sure the movie will be well done. I guess I don’t see any reason for pessimism just yet–besides the whole werewolf genre having already been strip-mined to death.

Which prompts a question: is the werewolf genre the only major “monster movie” genre that doesn’t involve the undead/resurrected? I’m thinking and can’t come up with any other examples.

Well, actual monsters aren’t dead or undead. Godzilla, etc.

This saddens me. I must go to Lee How Fouks and eat some Dim Sum.

Plenty of other monsters:

Dr. Jeckyll/Mister Hyde

Robots, Golems, and other artificial creatures

Dinosaurs, Giant Bugs, and the Like (as mentioned above)


Demons and other supermatural creatures


Wasn’t Godzilla re-animated?

Beef chow mein for me.

Dude, I’m standing right here.

Personally I think it’s about damn time someone finally got around to mutilating The Wolf Man. Practically all the other classic monster movies have already been revisited, reimagined, revised, refried, folded, spindled, and sanitized for your protection. But not The Wolf Man!

At first I’m sure he adopted a sour grapes attitude to ease his wounded pride. “Well… sure, they’re going to keep remaking Dracula and Frankenstein! That’s because those guys… they aren’t original movie monsters, see? They’re not the real deal, unlike yours truly… They don’t have an authoritative vision. With me, it’s different! They made me, they broke the mold, baby. We’re talking groundbreaking effects, screenplay by Curt Siodmak… There’s just… no reason for a remake! Why tamper with a classic? …Right? Guys?”

But you can only hang onto that attitude for so many decades. After awhile it just gets embarrassing. Insecurity curdles into bitterness. “They keep remaking Jekyll and Hyde. What’s that about? I mean, he’s a guy who turns into a nastier guy using drugs. How is that even a monster movie? Excuse me, but what about a guy who turns into a ravening beast? Isn’t that a lot scarier? I’m not necessarily asking for a remake here, but honestly…”

Then Universal decides to give its classic monsters a fresh spin with updated technology, and who gets the first nod? ** The Mummy**! You just know The Wolf Man was like, “What the hell?! The Mummy? The fa-rickin’ Mummy?! How does he even rate? He’s not scary! What’s his big scare? He wakes up! Ooooooo! That bastard.”

Here’s a reason for pessimism: When Romanek dropped out, the first person Universal asked to take over was Brett Ratner. He has experience, you see, stepping in when an Actual Director bails at the last minute and shepherding a production over the goal line to Big Profits (see, the third X-Men movie). That lets you know where the studio is coming from on this.

Johnston’s a much, much better choice than Ratner. (Hell, just this morning, I picked a more promising candidate out of my ear.) But there were still better options available (read: legitimate filmmakers).

No need to get annoyed. I know where you got that Board Name from. It’s only the arm that’s robotic.
Besides, I’m not prejudiced against Mechano-Americans. Some of my best friends are robotic. But you can’t deny that they’ve been used as the heavies for a long time. Look at Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow from just a couple of years ago.