My office had a meeting with HR today. See, we found out last week that they’re shutting us down. We’re too expensive, you see, and (because they keep fucking up the projects we work on) we haven’t been producing anything. Never mind the fact that we’ve been actively bailing out the other offices, at the expense of OUR projects. Never mind the fact that just three weeks ago we were told that we were just as valued as the other offices, and that we could look forward to finally working on the projects we were supposed to from the very beginning (less than a year ago).
Anyway, we found out last week that we were to be “absorbed into the rest of the company”. I guess that phrase means “fucked up the ass by a sharp poker, no lube, thanks”.
“So… are we going to get any sort of severance package, should we decide not to move to the other locations?”
“Ah… no, there’s no severance package.”
“And those stock options, the ones that become vested in 45 days?”
“Uh… no, you won’t be getting those.”
“So if we decide to take you up on your offer of continued employment, what’s the process?”
“You’ll need to apply for the jobs. I’ll get you those job descriptions… um, real soon now.”
“We have to apply for the job? In what way is this being ‘absorbed’, as it said on the slideshow/conference call we had last week?”
“Well, I guess that wasn’t really an accurate term.”
“Never mind. So if we take jobs at the other locations, will we get any sort of relocation bonus, to help with the move?”
“Um… no, we’re not offering any sort of relocation bonus.”
“I… see. You do realize the cost of living out there is over twice what it is here, right? Can we expect any sort of pay increase?”
“Well, that’ll have to be decided on each individual basis, and will be based on experience in the industry. I do know that some of you are already at the top end of the pay scale for your jobs, so in those cases, your pay won’t be doubled.”
“Our top salary HERE is below poverty level THERE… so I think you may be exaggerating just ever so slightly. Basically, the president of the company’s fucking us over, right?”
“Um, yeah… pretty much.”
Okay, that last bit didn’t happen. But we sure thought it.
And in other news, I’m moving to Oregon.