Ah. So you're trying to tell me I'm fucked.

My office had a meeting with HR today. See, we found out last week that they’re shutting us down. We’re too expensive, you see, and (because they keep fucking up the projects we work on) we haven’t been producing anything. Never mind the fact that we’ve been actively bailing out the other offices, at the expense of OUR projects. Never mind the fact that just three weeks ago we were told that we were just as valued as the other offices, and that we could look forward to finally working on the projects we were supposed to from the very beginning (less than a year ago).

Anyway, we found out last week that we were to be “absorbed into the rest of the company”. I guess that phrase means “fucked up the ass by a sharp poker, no lube, thanks”.

“So… are we going to get any sort of severance package, should we decide not to move to the other locations?”

“Ah… no, there’s no severance package.”

“And those stock options, the ones that become vested in 45 days?”

“Uh… no, you won’t be getting those.”

“So if we decide to take you up on your offer of continued employment, what’s the process?”

“You’ll need to apply for the jobs. I’ll get you those job descriptions… um, real soon now.”

“We have to apply for the job? In what way is this being ‘absorbed’, as it said on the slideshow/conference call we had last week?”

“Well, I guess that wasn’t really an accurate term.”

“Never mind. So if we take jobs at the other locations, will we get any sort of relocation bonus, to help with the move?”

“Um… no, we’re not offering any sort of relocation bonus.”

“I… see. You do realize the cost of living out there is over twice what it is here, right? Can we expect any sort of pay increase?”

“Well, that’ll have to be decided on each individual basis, and will be based on experience in the industry. I do know that some of you are already at the top end of the pay scale for your jobs, so in those cases, your pay won’t be doubled.”

“Our top salary HERE is below poverty level THERE… so I think you may be exaggerating just ever so slightly. Basically, the president of the company’s fucking us over, right?”

“Um, yeah… pretty much.”

Okay, that last bit didn’t happen. But we sure thought it.


And in other news, I’m moving to Oregon. :slight_smile:

I hope you didn’t tell them you liked Michael Bolton.

That sucks a big fat one, Lightnin’. But on the plus side, at least you’ll get rained on more often. :smiley:

You should at least snag a box of pens.

Oh, that sucks. You’d think with all the practice these people have had over the past few years, they’d be better at the whole downsizing thing.

Where I worked a few years ago, on the Friday before Memorial Day, the big corporate types came rambling in and called an emergency meeting in our conference room. While we were all in there being sacked, they had the movers in our office and completely cleaned the place out, including all our personal stuff that was in our desks. Luckily, we did get a month’s severence. I feel for you though. Good luck on the move!

Fuck that, grab some post-it notes and sharpies while you’re at it.

:eek: :eek: :eek:
Good luck, Lightnin’. Got a job or SO in Oregon, or going for the change of pace?

Also a stapler and a fax machine/printer. Oh, and before you upload that virus to the credit union’s computer, you might want to check the location of the decimal place.

Fuck me dead, that’s terrible!

Heh. The whole of the SDMB is going to move to Oregon. :slight_smile:

You’ve noticed too? And for once, I’m a trailblazer instead of a straggler.

If you wind up in the Salem area, Lightnin’, I’ll buy you a beer. After the red hot poker rape, it’s the least I could do.

Not me! I’m movin’ to Missouri! :smiley:

Linghtnin’ - Maybe someone could program the computers to get you all the penny-fractions added to your final checks!

(And pray that those in charge have not seen Superman III or Office Space!)

Yeah, you gotta clarify if you accepted their offer, or went hunting new work.

My dad’s company recently decided to sack everyone over the age of 50, and cancel benefits for every body under 50. Those over the ‘deadweight’ age were graciously allowed to continue working on a consultant basis, and they would be guaranteed 30 days notice before their contract would end.

My dad, and half of his department, are now working for another company for more pay…

How’d they do this w/o getting hit by age discrimination suits??

I accepted a job with another, presumably more sane, company. I’m still here for a bit longer, but that door’s lookin’ nicer and nicer.

Yay! Sounds like a good reason to have a dopefest to me!

Been there. If you’re really good at HR (translation, if you’re utterly soulless about cutting payroll) there are ways to do it. Of course, you have to get rid of a few underagers at the same time, but that’s a small price for the company.

It’s a great place to be, generally speaking. Think we ought to do a dopefest at the Convention Center when it opens next year?

From the description of where you are moving from and why they are shutting down your division I have a very good idea of who you work for :wink: . On the plus side Portland is a bit like Austin socially, just a lot more rain, and far from twice as expensive as Texas to live in. :smiley:


Excuse me, but fuck that! I’m having enough trouble finding a damn (decent) job (as opposed to this daily fuck-up-the-ass-without-a-kiss job that I have now), I don’t need more competition!

I’m not moving to Oregon, but I’ll be driving north thru it tonight.