Not the musicians, the audience. I go out to clubs on a regular basis (at least once a week) and things are generally okay. But every so often you get a bunch of amateur concertgoers that are clueless about how to behave. This can happen on holidays, when old bands that don’t tour much any more come around, or if somebody is celebrating a wedding or birthday or something. There’s a certain etiquette that helps to ensure that everyone has a decent time, so here are a few points you might want to remember:
[ul]
[li]Yelling “Freebird!” once is…well…neither clever nor original, but it’s not too out of line. Yelling “Freebird! Freeeeebird!” over and over again is very annoying.[/li][li]I realize that you’re of the opinion that music stopped being good twenty years ago, but that’s no reason to yell curses at the opening acts. Besides, some of us actually like the newfangled music that’s coming out these days.[/li][li]And yelling curses about the CD that’s playing over the PA system while the staff is changing equipment onstage between sets doesn’t do much good.[/li][li]Getting stumbling drunk, lurching about, and playing “air drums” during the opening set makes you look like a dipstick.[/li][li]And speaking of lurching about, please try to limit the lurching. Things are crowded up at the stage, and your Brownian motion throughout a two-meter-square area isn’t winning you any friends.[/li][li]See that short girl? Let her move closer to the front so she can actually see what’s going on. You’re not dating her, but there’s no reason you can’t be nice to her.[/li][li]Drinking heavily and then vomiting copiously over a swath of floor ranging from two to twelve feet away from the stage is very, very uncool.[/li][li]I realize that in this venue, a large portion of the audience area has been designated as an all-ages zone, but you still might want to reconsider the idea of bringing your five-year-old kids to a punk show.[/li][li]Yes, congratulations on having a nice big memory card for your digital camera. But holding it up and taking pictures through the Whole. Fricking. Show. is mighty irritating.[/li][li]Please don’t reach up, yank out my earplugs, and yell “IT’S BETTER WHEN IT’S LOUD!!!” at me. I attend more shows in a month than you attend in a year, and I’d like to keep my hearing, thankyouverymuch.[/li][li]Please don’t order complicated drinks at the bar. There’s a big-ass line behind you, and we’d like to keep things moving.[/li][li]Tip the bartenders.[/li][li]See the kickass band up on stage playing good music? You might want to consider dancing a little, especially since you’ve crammed your way right up to the front. It brings good energy to the show and so forth. Standing up front there stock-still as if you’re paralyzed gives a really weird vibe.[/li][li]Geez, even if you don’t want to dance, that doesn’t give you the right to grab that girl, throw her to the floor, and yell at her because you think she’s dancing too much.[/li][li]Complaining about the volume won’t do you any good; just get a pair of earplugs. If nothing else, there’s toilet paper in the bathrooms that you can wad up and stick in your ears.[/li][li]Please don’t put on a pair of khakis and an oxford shirt and then come into the club and start making disparaging comments about how funny all the people look. You’re the one who’s out of place, bub.[/li][/ul]