Airline Boarding Procedures. WTF!!??

The BBQ Pit
1

I just got home from another excruciatingly painful flight that was two hours late on account of weather, and another forty-five minutes late departing. I’m tired and agitated, but that’s not why I’m pitting.

I fly quite a bit for work, and I’d say I may fly first class on three out of every ten trips. For the rest I hoof it in coach, um, I mean business class (snort).

For the past year-and-a-half or so, whenever I’ve had the misfortune to have to fly business class, I’ve experienced something that defies all logic, in my opinion. It used to be normal procedure, on most airlines I fly, for first class ticket holders to board first, and then non-ambulatory flyers. Then flyers holding tickets for seats in the five to ten rows at the very back of the plane would be called to board, followed by the next five to ten rows forward of that, and so on, until the last five to ten rows that were called were immediately behind first class. This worked out great as it expedited boarding with a minimum of bottlenecks.

Now what they do is call first class, then the non-ambulatory, and then the next five to ten rows immediately behind first class, then the next rows behind that, until they’ve called the last group, which is at the back of the plane. WHAT KIND OF IDIOCY IS THIS!!? If it’d happened once I’d say “okay, well this was a dumb mistake,” but it’s seemingly all the time now. It takes freaking FOREVER to board now. I figure the airlines must know they’re pissing people off with this asinine process. What could POSSIBLY be the reasoning behind it?

Well, tonight (oh, that’s right, make that LAST night…sigh) I’d had enough. I left my place in line and went to the counter. After all, my seat was 27F and my end of the line wasn’t moving anytime soon. After asking the counter agent what the reason was for this bass-ackwards boarding procedure, the only thing she said, without even looking up at me, was “Sir, the plane is boarding.” What!?! Did i speak another language? I swear I felt like clocking that wench. When I restated my question she just ignored me, so naturally, after barely winning an internal battle to contain the Hulk, I slunk back into line. After all, clocking that wench, as satisfying as I’m sure it would have felt at the time, just wouldn’t have been worth the lengthy incarceration that would have inevitably followed.

Anyway, before even entering the plane, in fact, while standing so far back in the accursed line that I coudln’t even see the plane, a flight attendant announced that the plane couldn’t depart until all passengers had taken their seats O_o. I was in that bloody line another ten freaking minutes before I stepped onto the plane. By the time I got back to 27F another five or so minutes had elapsed. It was another fifteen minutes before the pilot called crosschecks.

I usually fly American, but do fly USAir in a pinch if I have to, but only if I have to. . .freaking luggage-losing, incompetent freaks that they are. Can anyone give me any idea as to why procedures on the boarding order has changed? I have to fly again next week and if I can’t solve this conundrum I may freaking snap. It’s always bad to be inconvenienced, but it’s a little more bearable if I understand why.

TIA

2

I read something about 10 years ago that said the then-new state-of-the-art was to board by ‘zones’. The first zone to board was the window seats near the back. Zone 2 was middle seats in the back and window seats forward of those in zone 1. The idea, as near as I could tell, was so Mr. Aisle Seat didn’t have to get up and block the aisle to let Middle and Window in. It was supposed to save them 90 seconds or something.

The first time I had a ticket with a zone, I was in a window seat and it was Zone 5. They call the number, I board with my group like a good piece of livestock, and there’s someone already comfortable belted into the aisle seat, so who knows.

My only guess about the front-to-back thing is that the passengers near the front are more likely to have paid full fare and the airline wants to keep them happy and gives them first crack at the overhead bins.

And I’m not sure the order really makes a difference. Even when I’m one of the last people on, once I’m seated there’s still 7-10 minutes of dinking around before everybody’s where they ought to be. (That could be its own pit thread; “What the Fuck is Taking You So Long?”) Try this, airlines; put the magazines and the pillows in the terminal. We’re all sitting out there with our thumbs up our asses, anyway. Tell people to get what they’re going to need so when you open the doors they can walk in, find their seat, and sit their ass down.

3

I experienced “zone” boading on Delta last summer. I think we left on time, I dunno.
I am never with the elites in first or business, so am used to waiting.
No matter what, there are always those people clogging the aisles as they struggle with their carry-on luggage. I only do carry-on, so all I care about is that I am able to stash my bag some place (can put it under the seat in front of me if necessary, but that can be a bummer on a transatlantic flight.)

4

It’s utter lunacy the way they board planes anymore. They load them front to back so that you have to trip over and bump into the people that have preceded you, rather than loading from the back one row at a time.

Of course, there is a benefit. The 1st Class people get to be severely uncomfortable for the whole process because they’re ducking people and their bags for virtually the entire boarding process. That almost makes up for the torturous coach seating that us mere peons have to endure.

5

I think one of the reasons that they do “zone” boarding is to allow high-level frequent flyers board early and with minimum fuss. If the computers that print the boarding passes can figure out who the priority boarders are, and print out Class 1 or Class 37 on the boarding pass, then the gate agents don’t have to fight with the people who think a mauve medallion pass lets them board early, when it is only the puce and chartruse medallions who can.

If you fly so much Ono, I’m surprised you don’t have one of the good frequent flyer plan levels that let you get on ahead of the cattle (unless you’re split over a lot of airlines). You may want to talk to your airlines to see if you can get your plan upgrated, even if you are a little under the qualifying level.

6

You guys haven’t figured out how to board first and you still want to belong to the SDMB? :dubious:

7

Ono:

I fly quite a bit, too (I almost always fly United…I’m out of O’Hare), and as of two days ago, United has been doing the “rear of the plane first” -style boarding.

I too get the privilege (through freq flyer miles) of flying 1st Class every once in a while (not as often as you do, Road Warrior!), and I have a most serene feeling as I watch the shlubs trek back to 27F. I order another beer and listen to the struggle for overhead room.

Before I get flamed, please remember that I’m one of those shlubs at least 80% of the time.

Ono…can I piggyback on your rant and gripe about people who bring 2 pieces of luggage on the plane? The attendants don’tmake them check it, and the space available to everyone decreases hugely (especially on those regional jets).

-Cem

8

I am not aware of single airline that makes a specific policy of boarding front to back. I have flown them all, and fly frequently. Most civilized airlines board by zones, with those passengers in the most out of the way seats boarding in Zone 2. Here is what may be confusing you. Zone 1 will include high level frequent flyers who have often chosen seats near the front or at a bulkhead or exit row. However, this does not mean the plane is boarding front to back. The other exception is morbidly idiotic carriers like Southwest, who board via a strange mode of general admission. Here again, though, they aren’t specifically boarding the front to back.

If you want me to believe someone has an across the board front to back policy, give me some examples.

9

I think you mean “carry-on” luggage. Note the quotations marks.

Every time i’ve flown over the past four or five years, the main thing that has slowed the boarding procedure is the selfish assholes who insist on dragging what should be checked baggage onto the plane. In some cases, the wheelie bags are too wide to fit down the fucking aisle. Then these people whine and complain when they can’t find an overhead bin, failing to understand that the reason the bins are already full is that about half the other passengers are also selfish assholes who insist on dragging their massive bags into the cabin.

Here’s some advice, morons: if you’re bag won’t fit down the aisle, or if it won’t go into the overhead bins wheels first, then check the fucking thing!

And airlines employees: if you started enforcing your stated carry-on limits, this wouldn’t be a problem.

10

IANA-Airline Employee but I have a great theory on this.

I sat in a lot of rear cabin seats in my time. I noticed an interesting situation that always seem to occur when airlines boarded Back-to-front.

The people sitting in the back would put their overhead bags in the bins located in the front of the plane. I guess they would do this so that they could just pull their bag out on their way out instead of trying to do it with a group of people next to them and directly behind them.

Of course later the people boarding and sitting in the front of the plane then discovered that there was no available overhead storage when they got on. They would stand there for a while and then start looking for a place to put their overhead luggage toward the back. When they found a place in the back they would stow their luggage and then try to turn around and go forward back to their seat. Immediatly they would run into the next person wandereing backward looking for bin space.

This little skinny square dance would continue until all of the forward passengers made a trip to the rear to stow their gear.

Somebody must have timed this method and then suggested the front to back loading scenario.

11

I’ve seen this too, and I really wish there was more control from the flight crew to make sure this doesn’t happen. However, whenever I’ve seen a flight attendant suggest in the kindest and friendliest possible way that perhaps a passenger’s bag could be placed differently, I start hearing people openly grumble about “baggage Nazis”. So, I guess you can’t win.

12

Anyone who does this is a prick. You’re going to spend the same amount of time getting your bag whether it’s directly over your seat or up 20 rows. If you pull it from above your seat, anyone ahead of you can make their way up the aisle unimpeded. However, if you walk forward 20 rows, then try to remove your bag, you’re preventing anyone else from getting past you. Furthermore, if your bag is directly over you, you can get your bag down during the time that you’re waiting for the people ahead of you to move up the aisle and thus cause no delay at all.

13

here’s the science behind it all.

14

There’s actually a lot of science behind airplane boarding these days, and airlines are doing a lot of simulations and trying out new things. There was an article about it somewhat recently in some magazine (yeah, I know that’s not very useful at all).

Despite what Waverly said, Southwest’s approach to boarding is one of the best (with regards to time involved). People want a good seat, so they get there early, try to board quickly, and find a seat quickly.

15

After perusing through the link chappachula gave, it shows that Southwest’s approach saves them almost a billion dollars a year (just in terms of needing 18 more airplanes to accommodate their existing schedule). Not small change.

16

Interesting article. It seems that the Flight Attendants’ rep agrees with me about one of the real causes of slow boarding:

17

Billdo, I think you, Caprese, and Robot Arm have answered my question. It must be the Elite and Advantage members who just happen to have the preferred seats behind first class boarding before the coach chattle. Still sucks though.

I fly, on average, about once a month, Billdo. I don’t know where that places me, but I do get miles. I’ll check into your suggestion. Thanks.

18

I don’t get this bit. I’ve never seen “business class” used to mean coach or tourist class. Whenever I’ve seen a “business class” it’s those extra wide seats up front.

19

Depending on the plane configuration and size, I’ve seen First Class and Coach, Business Class and Coach, and First Class, Business Class and Coach. I’ve also seen all First Class with Coach-sized seats (Concorde).

20

I’m not a frequent flyer, but I know I’ve been on a couple of flights where as people were boarding, the flight attendants were on the intercom, specifically instructing people to put their bags in the first available overhead space they found, and then continuing on to their seat. This was probably Southwest, but I don’t remember if it was a back-to-front or front-to-back seating pattern. I’m going to guess back-to-front.