I’ve got this guilty pleasure. I read a lot of the AITA about weddings on redit. I wonder am I the only one who finds that weddings have gotten sort of weird? I mean there are claims of “dress codes” for all attendees down to hair color, and dress color, “live paintings,” “no ring no bring,” all sorts of weird stuff. Back in the bronze age 40 years ago when we got married. The bridesmaids matched, you didn’t wear white to someone else’s wedding, and you hoped no one showed up in jeans. You did not station someone at the door to throw out someone who was in violation of the, “dress code.” Oh, you didn’t plan your own bachelorette party and demand the bridesmaids donated lots of money for it.
I thought perhaps it was just exaggeration on redit, but a co-worker of mine was telling me about a family member of her daughter was getting married and had a, “dress code” for her (the friend of co-worker’s daughter just to be clear) wedding. It just seems baffling and controlling to me. Am I just old? or does anyone else think this stuff is over the tops. Have any of you been to a wedding like this?
In my experience, AITA is about as fact-based as the letters section of Penthouse Forum. It’s comedy-of-manners fiction that shouldn’t be taken seriously but far too often is.
Ever heard the term bridezilla? Crazy wedding stories go back decades. Like back in 1995 when my friend had to negotiate a moratorium on ass kicking between two factions of his future in-law’s family.
Yeah, well I figured as much about AITA, but like I said it’s a guilty pleasure, and I did get real world experience with at least one dress code wedding. I just can’t wrap my head around telling people they have to wear a certain color. I thought gift registries were sort of rude, but bring me money or x or don’t come. That takes some gonads/ovaries.
I know about the bridezilla stuff, but I guess it didn’t go back to '83 when my husband and I tied the knot. Maybe that was just me. Heh, I got “bullied” by one of my bridesmaids. I hate pink like a lot, a LOT. I wanted green dresses, and you know green wedding stuff. I had a bridesmaid inform me that I didn’t have to pay for or wear it. Sooo, I had pink mauve, but eh pink. So maybe I should post on AITA. lol
ETA: I was in that bridesmaids wedding a few years later and had to rent a dress. It was weird in pieces, anyway, guess what color that dress was. Yep. PINK very very PINK in all caps ugly ass Barbie PINK. Bleh!
All legitimate complaints. All decades old issues. It certainly went back to 83.
Guest registries are there to make it easier for those who want to buy gifts. It doesn’t mean that gifts are required. Certain colors are typically for the wedding party, not guests although there is often a dress code for level of formality. My groomsmen and I wore matching rented tuxes but the guests could wear whatever they wanted.
Back to the OP, I find AITA amusing. I think there’s another sub for wedding planners to tell their stories which should also entertain you.
My wedding was probably much like yours. Heck, back a couple of decades ago hubby and I played music at weddings. I’ve probably been to more receptions than most people. I do not remember any drama or dress codes (for attendees) at any of them. I’ll get out my rocking chair and cane now.
I’m gonna’ try hard (maybe) not to break down and look at that wedding planner sub. Unfortunately, AITA wastes waaayyy more of my time then it should.
You can instantly tell if an AITA one is fake if the person isn’t an asshole in the story. The only people who post true stories are genuine assholes, the rest are people who post stuff like I BEAT UP TWO BIGOTS BEATING UP A MINORITY IN PUBLIC, AM I THE ASSHOLE FOR RESORTING TO VIOLENCE?
I wonder how much of this is due to cell phone cameras and selfies these days. Used to be you only had one or two people taking pictures at a wedding, and they focused on the wedding party. But these days? Everyone is taking pictures and posting them all over the place. I suspect a lot of people are worried about what the rest of the wedding looks like in those cases.
“Sure, the bride and groom looked nice, but did you see what the groom’s second cousin’s girlfriend’s child was wearing? How trashy!”
I think some of this stems from the Instagram culture. They want the the photos to convey a certain image because they (intentionally or not) want them for content generation. It’s the same with the re-staged engagement photos they post. They’re not so much interested in capturing the moment as they are about making sure that their photos generate a lot of likes.
I was reading some stuff how AI is being used more in society, and one of the people they talked to was a wedding photographer. He said he’s getting a ton of work by using AI to create fake wedding attendees. The picture of the couple is real (with AI enhancements), but the people behind them are AI generated. This way everyone in the background will have the perfect look without having to deal with the complications of getting real people to comply with a dress code.
I think there have always been Bridezillas but people are generally more narcissistic than they used to be, so the issue has likely gotten worse. And keep in mind on that subreddit you’re only going to hear the worst stories.
I think narcissistic is a bit uncharitable. It might be more fair to say there’s a bit more pressure to present a certain image than there was in the past.
As a general rule, I certainly agree. But the devil’s in the details, and I think it’s entirely possible for a dress code to be a bit to onerous. Asking me to dress for a formal occasion is reasonable. Telling me you’re having a steampunk themed wedding and I need a tophat, a monocle, and superfluous gears on everything and I’m not going to be amused.
They didn’t have any details as to how the photographer created the crowd, but I’m assuming it’s from a Generative Fill procedure. You tell AI to fill in the background with whatever you want (grocery store, canyon, crowd, etc) and the AI will create it. Photoshop has the capability. For the wedding photos, I’m guessing the photo would just have the couple in focus and the background blurred so just looks like a fuzzy bunch of people.
I’ve been to weddings where people dressed up, but there was not a formally communicated dress code, it’s just that people generally don’t show up to a wedding dressed like assholes.
I think there’s two possibilities here;
This kind of weird crap has always happened but thanks to social media you’re likelier to hear about it now, and
Expectations for weddings have gotten ridiculous in some circles.
Then don’t come?
This is what it comes down to–both parties CAN be the asshole here. Let’s say I am having a steam punk wedding…and I want everything on theme. It is my party. I’m not an asshole for saying “Come dressed on theme.” Im only an asshole if I treat you differently or get offended that you didn’t attend my wedding because you didn’t want to dress up. That’s me not being reasonable–that’ being an asshole. But you’re the asshole if you show up to the wedding not on theme.
(Now I’d also say, if I was doing a steam punk or any themed costumed wedding–I’d make sure to have “costumes” available for those that didn’t have their own. I seem to remember someone doing a Rocky Horror theme wedding and encouraged dressing up and had feather boas and party hats for all the guests so they could be on theme if they didn’t have their own costume to wear.)
Similar to destination weddings. Having one doesn’t make you an asshole. You’re an asshole if get upset that someone didn’t want to travel for YOUR day.
This is where we disagree. I think you are an asshole for requiring guest to dress up in steampunk attire. You expect me to take the time to show up to your wedding, share your special day, bring a gift (yes, that’s a reasonable expectation), and you want me to buy special clothing I’ll never wear again? That does make you an asshole. While I will defend your right to the death to be an asshole, I won’t say it’s okay.
(And this is all hypothetical. I certainly don’t think you’re an asshole, Push_You_Down.)
No. They got it right (not that you’re an asshole). If I have a steampunk wedding they are free not to attend and I am only an asshole if their non-attendance offends me.
Dress is a lot more casual today. I started my career in at least a shirt & tie everyday. Now I work from home in gym shorts & t-shirt. On the rare days I do need to go in to the orifice there are lots of people in jeans. I remember that being a occasional paid privilege ($5 donation to the charity of choice)
