Backstory:
I got my Bachelor’s Degree about four years ago. Took a year off college, eventually realized that a) I missed going to school and b) I had a lot of spare time in the evenings. So, I thought I’d enroll at the local community college, take a few night classes in subjects that I had passed on previously because they weren’t related to my major. Mostly film classes. You know, just for kicks.
I signed up for two classes in the Fall of 2001. I knew that I was going to miss several classes up front, because I was going on a family vacation to Spain with my folks in late August/early September. I think you all can see where I’m going with this. Our flight back was scheduled for September 12th.
Anyway, once the airports were open again and we had rescheduled our flight, I’d missed a good bit more class than I had intended, and just generally wasn’t in an academic mood, what with the national tragedy and all. So I dropped both classes and re-applied in the Spring. This time, I completed my classes, got decent grades, no problems. Last semester, I signed up for two more classes, but had to drop one of them when it started conflicting with my work schedule.
This is where my problems begin. See, the community college I’m going to gives all it’s students something called an NSR rating. This is basically the ratio of classes enrolled v. classes completed. If your NSR is 50% or less, and you have more than a certain number of credits completed, they put you on academic probation. Last semester, I completed enough credits for someone to look at my NSR, which happened to be exactly 50%. I received a form letter telling me I had to meet with an academic counselor or I would be booted from the college. I met with him, explained what happened, forms were filled, papers were signed, and all, I was assured, was in order. I was relieved and optimistic.
At least, I was until yesterday, when I got a letter in the mail informing me that I was no longer a student due to my poor academic performance. Still, I was calm and collected. At least until I got the forty minute telephone run-around and ended up cursing into an answering machine. I was literally so angry by that point I couldn’t form coherent words, and my message sounded more or less like, “You herfer murferucking bastards I hopchuck miffle shit!” So, I’d like to take this opportunity to clarify and expand on those remarks.
You fucking bastards. You stupid, fucking bastards. You stupid, lying, incompetant, motherfucking bastards. What the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you think you’re running a real college? This is a goddamn community college you’re supposed to be running here! You know, high school for people who didn’t get enough of it the first time around? This campus is here for two purposes: it’s a holding tank for nineteen year-old tweakers who are trying to keep themselves from being thrown out of their parent’s house, and a social club for middle aged professionals who need a hobby. Perhaps 5% of the student body is actually taking classes with an eye towards further education, and most of them are over-acheiving high school students taking college credits to beef up their applications to Stanford, or Berkeley, or some other real college. These are the only students here who atually need your “help.” Except they don’t need it because, unlike you, they are generally intelligent and competent. That’s why they’re blowing out the bell-curve in college level courses when they’re fourteen fucking years old. They, blessedly, have almost nothing to do with you pack of crusty cumstains. The rest of us aren’t so lucky. We have to meet with counselors to explain why we felt that being able to pay for food and shelter was more important to us than getting a good grade in Tantric Basketweaving. We’re the ones who have to sign “academic contracts” ( :rolleyes: ) which are only going to get torn up and used for rolling papers as soon as we get home. We’re the vast, apathetic student body without whom there would be no fucking school. Do you understand? We don’t care about grades. We aren’t here as the first step in getting out PhD’s. If I ever decide to pursue an advanced degree, it sure as shit isn’t going to be founded on my performance in your pissant little academy, it’s going to be based on my actual academic career, which took place at a real college. So get the fuck off my back, you tin-dicked supporting characters from a third rate Kafka short-story. I’m sick of jumping through your bureaucratic hoops just so you assholes can justify your fucking salaries. I say, fire the lot of you and make you get jobs as fluffers for low-rate Europorn, where at least you’ll be contributing to the social good, instead of sitting around plotting ways to increase my fucking blood pressure!
