Alan Watts' "The vigor of the pretense"

Cafe Society
1

I’m trying to figure out an Alan Watts quote, out of context; I think it might be from “A Joyous Cosmology”. Anyone familiar with Watts or that era/themes able to help me out? Here’s the quote:

“Perhaps there is no other knowing than the mere competence of the act. If at the heart of one’s being, there is no self to which one ought to be true, then sincerity is simply nerve; it lies in the unabashed vigor of the pretense.
But pretense is only pretense when it is assumed that the act is not true to the agent. Find the agent.”

It seems like Watts is talking about how we determine what is sincere or authentic when we realize the self is an illusion. But I’m not sure what agent he is referring to, and his overall wording is kind of muddy. I’d love to work out exactly what he was trying to say, and I’m also interested in any related or unrelated thoughts or solutions with regard to finding authenticity in no self.

2

Watts would not very likely subscribe to the notion that there is no agency, which on one level is what we mean by “self”. Where that agency is actually located, i.e., who we actually are, as opposed to who we tend to think of ourselves as being, well, that’s another story.