ALERT!! The Earth is Slowing Down, Scientists Find

I found this on another site! But since the world is ending in 2012, we won’t have to worry about this.

That’s OK – I was going to get off, anyway.

I assume the site in question is the Onion, surely.

I can’t believe I read that whole thing.

The only google hit for Todd Fałszywicz is this thread, and a cut-and-paste copy on a message board site called

No onion article. Which means this may not have been written by a professional snarker, which is kind of cool and surprising. :slight_smile:

That’s where I got it!

Well, if we can slow down the rate of rotation so that we only need 364 days in a year, we can switch to a “universal” calendar where, for example, January 1 is always on a Sunday. For leap years, there would be no day of the week assigned to February 29.

“But what about watches that keep track of the day of the week? Wouldn’t they all have to be replaced/fixed?” They would have to be replaced/fixed anyway to take into account the fact that one month that currently has 31 days would now have 30.

Sounds like a load of Falszywicz to me.

What is… Er, I can’t… Um, I don’t understand why this exists.

I read the name as “Dr. Cheesy” of Melton University. Now I want a grilled cheese sandwich. I blame CheeseDonkey.

Mmmm, Lorraine Cheese.

Anthony Newley, is that you?

Oh, pffhh! Well, here’s the problem! Someone left the parking brake on.

And when was the last time someone had earth’s oil changed?

Huh…so I guess they managed to build the “Fluid Karma” machine after-all.

Someone make sue the Sean William Scott doesn’t come into contact with his twin.

We are still trying to get all the old oil out. Once we’re done we’ll put in clean oil.

River Song, is that you?

Ohh noes! We’ll all drift off into space!

The human capacity for believing anything is exceeded only by the propensity of some people to make this stuff up.

What we need to do is get everybody in China to run towards Turkey. That will cause the Earth to revolve faster and save us all from Global Armageddon.

Just to save other Doper’s time:

There is no Dr. Lorraine Chesney that I can find.
There is no Melton University.
There is no Jennings’ Earth Science Journal.

It’s purely a gag that someone is playing on that other board. Parody? Trolling? Who knows.

Let’s go with synthetic this time. I don’t care about the extra cost, the extra milage is worth it.