I’ve been using AIM (Aol Instant Messenger) for years. Before that, back when the concept of “on-line” was still new and exciting, I actually had AOL. Don’t blame me, I was only 13 and my parents didn’t really know anything about internet providers. I have the same AIM name now that I had back on AOL lo those many years ago. So when I get an IM intended for somebody else, I know for a fact that the problem’s on the sender’s end. Usually it’s an errant apostrophe, leet-icizing or a forgotten number on the end, and the sender admits his mistake and disappears from my life forever.
And sometimes… it isn’t. Today an IM appears, stating simply “Alex?” I reply “No, wrong number” and continue working on the file I was writing. A number of new messages scroll in, mostly containing far more punctuation than I feel was really neccessary. I blink at it for a moment, then realize it’s in German. I don’t speak German, but I like to think I’ll know it when I see it.
“Ich bin nicht Alex.” I type. This apparently is a code that tells the other person that I’m as German as apple streudel, so he starts to fill my screen with words I don’t understand.
I now head to alta-vista, because their instant translating service is just what I need. However, I realize the translation is bound to be poor, so I whip up the message: “I do not speak German. This is a translation, so I apologize for the poor quality. I am not Alex.”
“Ah” I get in return. Then he switches to French. :smack:
Anyway, after a moment of copying and pasting, I get the impression that he thinks I’m Alex’s brother, or father, or something. “I am not Alex. I am not related to Alex. I do not know anyone named Alex. Please stop asking if I am Alex.” gets translated and sent away.
“MEIN AUGEN!!!” he tells me. I piece together from the next few lines that the translation apparently filled his aim screen with lots of kissy smilies.
It’s been about 10 minutes and the novelty’s wearing off. Screw this, I had a meeting to go to. I can’t convince this guy that he’s got the wrong person, so I quit AIM and head off. But now I feel bad for him.
Alex, if you’re out there, pull your head out of your ass and tell this poor guy your real IM name.
And in case this happens again, can someone supply me with perfect French for: “There is no Alex here. You have the wrong person. Please leave me alone.”?