To the bastard using my AIM account

Dear fuckhead,
It was a big enough pain in the ass that a friend had to call me and tell me someone sent him an IM with my AIM name. Luckily, he knew it wasn’t me, as I’m more circumspect than “Wanna fuck?”

It was an even bigger and less welcome pain to get out of the shower tonight only to hear the phone ring and the same friend tell me whoever it was had come back for more. I jumped online with my other SN. Another friend sent an IM to the same effect. I got hold of your dumb ass and let you know I was onto you. Some general angry back-and-forth ensued. You tried the old “I know where you live” bit. Creepy, but not terrifying, as I have a .38 caliber welcome available for unwanted house guests.

One friend keeps IMing with you, and relaying information back to me. I’m already pissed off, when he mentioned a familiar name, one not likely to be often heard. And I realize I fucking know you. This is your idea of a joke. I’m not amused. I’m well beyond “not amused.”

“Don’t be mad” you typed. I am fucking well beyond mad. I’m enraged. I could beat you cheerfully, smiling and whistling a jaunty tune. Does it sound like I appreciate the joke?

You then had the nerve to ask how the paper was going. Well, you stupid bastard, the paper has been put on hold for now as I spent a good long while figuring out your identity. Now I’m too keyed up either to read or sleep, so you’ve doubly screwed me there. Lovely joke, was it not? Next time I see you, remind me to show you the prank that involves a good swift kick in the nuts. I find that one absolutely hilarious.

I’m too pissed to think of a snappy ending to this rant. Sorry to anyone who received an oddly forward IM from “me.”

Err, just for future reference: if you sign on with that name, it will kick the person off, and then you can change the password…

That said, people who do that deserve whatever hell awaits them.

Okay, it’s not who you think it is. I was talking with that person online at the same time I was talking with “you,” and I’ve known the person for a while, he would NOT do something like that. Especially when it comes to fucking with other people. My suggestion is to go to the computer lab and get whoever was working there to tell you who used to computers after you. The University does have everyone’s IF number on file for each computer use, so it’s possible to get that (although, if they used your account, they may not have been using thier own IF accont either). You haven’t figured out who it is yet, so don’t go kicking anyone in the balls yet.
But when you do find out who it is, I want a piece. NOBODY fucks with my friends like that and gets away with it. I’ve seen the videos, I know how to split a kneecap in half, and I’m not afraid to do it. I’m not a violent guy, but when someone says that type of shit to my friends, they are TOAST!

Oh shit… you mean, last night… when you and I…

[sub]How will I ever feel clean again?[/sub]

Just kidding.

That does suck, BB- if you catch the guy, let me know. I’m sure Elvis and I could express your displeasure for you. Well, unless you want to do it yourself. In which case we’ll hold him/her down for you.

Nobody should ever do that shit!

I’ve had chronic pain in my right nut for about four months + by now, so I’m very sensitive when it comes to the issue of something happening to a guy’s nether reagions. But i would GLADLY kick this guy with a pair of steel toes boots after reading what he said. Then, when the swelling went down, I’d get out my greasy monkey wrench.