Alien bathroom incident #14

I was traveling recently and observed what I believe to be evidence of infiltrating aliens.

Upon exciting the plane, I observed an odd looking fellow wearing somewhat antiquated business dress, only in black and white. He had removed his shirt, so was travelling in slightly overcasual fashion, wearing black dress pants and a white undershirt, while casually holding his black shirt over his shoulder.

Theory 1: Prior to invasion, the aliens have been monitoring our radio transmissions, the color signals have not yet made it to their universe. As the alien ship approached earth, they may have intercepted our color signals, but after consulting with their home planet, they decided to continue the mission.

The aforementioned odd looking fellow was later observed in the mens restroom. There was a line in the restroom, which invokes special male behavior rules – information not commonly available to even females of the same country of origin, must less to the whole planet. This fellow was standing at the urinal, but he was standing in a manner such that he occupied about 5% of the space in the adjoining urinal. Every male knows that the effect of this incursion is that it renders the adjacent urinal functionally off limits – pretty much negating it’s existence. This incursion was particularly egregious given that there was a line in the restroom, with a bunch of other males in the restroom nervously eyeing the sinks and floor drains as possible locations to relieve their bladders.

Theory 2: Aliens could learn everything they would need to know about social behavior by monitoring our electronic transmission, possibly even our sexual behavior, and they could even acceptibly reverse engineer our language. However, bathroom habits are pretty much never broadcast, and thus an infiltrating alien would have to improvise when presented with this situation.

During his bathroom visit, while in the course of relieving “himself”, the alien’s cellphone rang. This is when it became painfully clear that we were not dealing with someone at all versed in most human social interaction; the alien answered the cellphone and began conversing, without interrupting his urinating activities.

First of all, this is a bizarre scene, a line of guys in the bathroom, a fellow occupying 1.1 urinals, speaking on his cellphone. In the second place, would you, as a caller, want to converse with someone while they are urinating?

I present this information for the record, as an unbiased and casual observer.

I think you should sell this information to The Weekly World News* – you’ve got far better documentation than most of their stuff.