Ukulele Ike used to be a female St. Bernard.
And, yes . . . I’ve known about it for years.
Eve, You Rock. And if anyone, ever dares to say a disparaging word about you at any gathering that I’m attending, I will personally give them a black eye they’ll never forget. Ok, maybe I’ll refrain from getting physically violent. It’s not very lady-like, afterall. Instead, perhaps I’ll just accidentally on purpose spill a drink in their face and be sure to ostracize them from any future gatherings. Howzat?
<Wanders off grumbling about how people could be so mean and nasty about the classiest person we have on this board – of either sex. Jerks.>
:: Scarlett picks self up off floor ::
Wow. Never saw that one coming!
Good to see you, Eve. Now, is there anything you’d like to tell us about, oh, say, Dorothy Parker? 
Eve, please tell us you will keep posting, and won’t deprive us of your wit because some petty people took an unnatural interest in your personal affairs.
So I saw the thread title and said to myself: “Yay! Eve’s back!” For although I doubt she knows me at all, I’m one of those board-stalkers who feels like she knows everyone.
I opened the thread and read the first bit about how gossip was circulating about her. “Gossip?” I thought, “Hurtful gossip about Eve? How terrible!”
I read further to find out her deep dark secret…
She had had sex during the McKinley administration!
That’ll teach me to read more carefully. I was at least 4 posts down before I figured it out…
No way!
I’m shocked, SHOCKED I tell you.
[sub]The Russian Tea Room figured largely in the version I heard…[/sub]
Glad you’re back, Eve.
I’m happy to see you are again gracing us with your presence. Welcome back, Eve!
welcome home, eve. you know this is the kind of place you could drop just about any kind of info on, and when the dust settles there are more questions about the type of dust than what shook up the dust.
note that there are more questions about the movies, oscars, etc than what you originally posted.
eve, we have all changed and redefined ourselves from what we started out as. i figure if our goal is life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, you have to do whatever you can to achieve them. i’m glad you had the courage to pursuit happiness.
Well, I have to admit I’m somewhat relieved; I thought Eve’s repeated absences this year indicated some
dire medical emergency or possibly just a fatal ennui with the denizens of the SDMB. Considering some of the
characters we have around, mere gender switching (after the initial prying of the jaw off the floor) isn’t really that big a deal.
Seeing as Eve has declared semi-open season on questions, I do admit to being curious on a couple of
issues. What was Mother Golden’s reaction? And at what point in the dating ritual does this usually come up, if at all?
I am glad to see you back here Eve, and it doesn’t matter if you used to be a dog, a Martian or whatever your posts are something I look forward to reading and nothing will change that (well maybe if you reveal that you are Serlin, but nothing else).
Keith
Good to see you again, Eve!
Actually, if you were to come on and post that you were a St. Bernard, the responses would be identical to the way they are now: “Eve, we love you!”, “Eve, we missed you terribly!”, “Eve, we love you just the way you are–you are one of the few classy people here!”
You’ve been sorely missed and we are very glad you are back. Maybe you can help pull this place back out of the gutter! 
Well, I’ll go on record as saying that I’m shocked and rather dissapointed.
I was sure the absence was because you decided to persue the move to Lexington, and took your new Manhattan Banker Husband… Oliver (but you pronounce it Ohleevar) who has always wanted to be a farmer with you. Oh how I was looking forward to your posts of the hijinks and wacky townsfolk in your new found life. But it might have been a little hard to post with having to climb to the top of the phone pole to connect your dial in.
…damn…I thought it my undying love and affection (and the lorgnette I sent) that brought you back to us…
may I paraphrase for a moment and say, Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn! I’m just glad your back!!
WhooooHoooooooooooooo
Well, I’ve certainly been to several Dopefests (and hosted a few) and no one had ever said ‘Boo’ to me about it.
But, Eve, it doesn’t matter a bit. I’ll take style and wit over most anything any day of the week. Even in this forum they’re so rare and precious.
I’m telling you I can find a Rush quote for anything.
Well, I sure don’t have transdar. I got all the way to the end of Myra Breckinridge before it even occurred to me that Myra and Myron might be the same person. :o
Great to see you as always, Eve.
As Margo Channing once said, I despise cheap sentiment, so take this as a genuine expression of truth:
Eve, you are still, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the classiest, most stylish dame on these Boards, and we were all the poorer for your absence.
What kind of fools are gossiping behind your back when they could be looking right at you and get blindsided by your incredibly beauty, anyway?
Eve, three comments re your OP:
a) Yaaaaay!!! Eve’s back!!! 
b) Please don’t leave again, pretty please? I missed you. 
c) None of my business. 
I second all the Dopers who said, “Yay, Eve’s back!”
Don’t let the gossip mongers get you down. You’re more of a lady than many women I know.
However, there is one thing you could explain to us-I was looking at one of your books at the library, (I can’t for the LIFE of me remember which), but it was written in the 80s. And there was the usual jacket picture. You had the most 80s haircut. tsk tsk tsk. I would think you would have much much better taste.
fixed coding
Anyhoo, what I wanted to say was:
You are what you are, and as long as you are here, what else could possibly matter?
[sup]So sayeth the faceless wallflower.[/sup]