All fans of the late great Bill Hicks, post here!

Bill Hicks died about seven years ago this spring; age 32, of pancreatic cancer. Some say he provided the “outlaw comic” archetype which Sam Kinison and others also portrayed. He was hilarious, politically incorrect, and frequently angry, but he also had a heart and soul and brain and believed in a few big positive principles. Above all, he was refreshingly human and humble, and never threw a stone that couldn’t be tossed right back at him. He scathingly commented on modern music (“I’m starting a new TV show this fall – it’s called ‘Let’s Hunt and Kill Billy Ray Cyrus’!”), UFO’s (“Why do they always seem to land in the most dumbfuck goober little towns?”), the L.A. riots and Reginald Denny beating (“Just step on the gas, man!”), the California Nightmare in general ("…oh, when the lizard scum all fall into the ocean…and we’re left with Arizona Bay!"), the '92 election (“Yeeeeeehaw, the elephant is dead!”), and he just missed O.J. Simpson by a few months. (all quotes paraphrased) Just try to imagine, if you can, what he could have said about Monicagate, the Florida electors and reality television!

Ironically, he was at his best when he was being thoroughly obnoxious and wrong, because he was ironically never more RIGHT. Like when he talked about non-smokers: “I’ve got some news for you: non-smokers die EVERY DAY!”

"Did you see that Yul Brynner commercial, with Yul saying, ‘I’m dead, please don’t smoke’? OK, pretty scary.

"But what about Jim Fixx? I didn’t see HIS commercial!

"Hi, I’m Jim Fixx and I’m dead and I don’t know what the fuck happened!

"I used to pass Yul Brynner on the way to my jogging track at dawn, and he’d be driving home after partying all night…drink in one hand, smoke in the other…I’d warn him, ‘someday that lifestyle’s going to get to you, Yul’…

"And now we’re both dead.



Got any favorite Bill Hicks quotes you want to post???

I have this MP3 where he completely curses out a woman in the audience for making some comment to him. He just shreds her to PIECES. It’s fantastic.

He was a true genius:

"A lot of Christians where crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It’s kinda like going up to Jackie Onassis with a little sniper rifle pendant. “Hey Jackie, just thinking of John!” :wink:

“I did that joke in Alabama, and these three rednecks met me after the show. “Hey buddy, c’mere. Hey Mister Comedian, c’mere.” Yeah, I love that move (makes shoving motion) “C’mere!” Not a physics major, I think that’s a safe bet. “Mister Funnyman, c’mere. Hey buddy, we’re Christians and we don’t like what you said.” <Oh, since you’re Christians>, I said, then forgive me!”

“I was in Nashville, Tennesee last year, after the show I went to a Waffle House, I’m not proud of it, I was hungry. And I’m alone, I’m eating and I’m reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me, “Tch tch tch tch. Hey, what you readin’ for?” Is that like the weirdest fucking question you’ve ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading for. Well, godammit, you stumped me. Why do I read? Well… hmmm… I guess I read for a lot of reasons, and the main one, is so I don’t end up, being a fucking waffle waitress!”

“But then… this trucker in the next booth gets up, stands over me, and goes, “Well, looks like we got ourselves a reader.” What the fuck’s going on here? It’s not like I walked into a clan rally in a Boy George outfit, godammit, it’s a book!”

"Cause you know, if you play New Kids on the Block albums backwards, they sound better. “Oh come on, Bill, they’re the New Kids, don’t pick on them, they’re so good and they’re so clean cut and they’re such a good image for the children.” Fuck that. When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children? I want my children to listen to people who fucking rocked. I don’t care if they died in puddles of their own vomit. I want someone who plays from his fucking heart. “Mommy, mommy, the man that Bill told me to listen to has a blood bubble on his nose!” Shut up and listen to him play! The New Kids! “Hi we’re the New Kids and we’re so good and clean-cut…” (cocksucking noises) “We’re so clean cut!” Seig Heil! Heil! Heil! A good clean country… Heil! Heil! Heil! (more cocksucking noises) Fuck that! I want my rock stars dead! I want them to fucking play with one hand and put a gun in their other fucking hand and go “I hope you enjoy the show!” (gun-fire noise) Yes! Yes! Play from your fucking heart!

…I am available for children’s parties by the way…"

Enough for now :smiley:

— G. Raven

Just had to add some drug references :smiley:

Bill Hicks]:
How about a positive LSD story, that would be newsworthy. Don’t you think? Anybody think that? Just once, to hear a positive LSD story. “Today, a young man on acid, realised that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves… here’s Tom with the weather.”

Just checking in to say “Yeah” and “Uh huh” and “Word up” and “Right on.”

I’m not quoting anything. Buy the albums if you haven’t already, damn you all.

When a friend of mine turned me on to Bill Hicks it ruined Denis Leary for me forever.

Yep, include me in. Whenever UK stand ups start talking about ‘influences’ and whom they most admire, Bill always gets a mention.

Truly a one-off with a special perspective: A man who informed public perceptions and genuinely influenced others with his insights. Yeah, seriously top drawer.

Don’t like to get involved in too many comparisons but I understand where Hamadryad is coming from.

Wonder what he would have made of Dubya…

No quotes but my sig links to Sacred Cow Productions.

I really love the “Watcha readin for?” quote though.

No quote, but thought I would interject some trivia. Supposedly the Tool song “Eulogy” is some kind of tribute to Bill Hicks.

Correct, TexasSpur.
There’s a drawing of Hicks in the booklet of Tool’s Ænema album, along with a quote saying “Another Dead Hero”.

The complete sound file is even better. He goes on to have a go at the whole audience.

I love BH. He was not only very funny but he also had a lot to say, the majority of which I agreed with.

Hope you’re still banging heads wherever you are Bill.

Lots of really good stuff at

One of the best Bill Hicks resources on the web can be found atdarktimes including audio, video, transcripts and interviews. Love the comment about the cross - it completely turns around the perspective

Ooops! Sorry, yojimbo. Just count mine as a very large second to your original suggestion


Oh Bill, we hardly knew ye…

RIP friend.

This astounds me! I have never heard of Bill Hicks!

Searching on Napster, and opening Darktimes right now…

(Obviously not an exact quote…)

“Hey buddy, my dad died for that flag!”

“Really? I bought mine. They sell them at K-Mart.”

“yeah…He died in Korea for that flag.”

“Wow, what a coincidence. Mine was made in Korea!”