Stratocaster’s Law:
Examples:
“All I know is that it’s hot in the summary and cold in the winter, just like it’s always been.” (In response to concerns re: climate change.)
“All I know is that when there was prayer in school there weren’t all these mass shootings.”
“All I know is that my portfolio was higher under Trump.”
If someone has already memorialized this as a law, it certainly isn’t as elegant and pithy as mine, so I still win.
Anyway, please share your thoughts or other universal laws.
Anybody who starts a statement with “All I know” is usually about to demonstrate that all they know isn’t enough.
Ron Reagan said his father, America’s revered 40th president, would always end their political discussions with that phrase.
I caught a video that describes the conservative refuge in simplistic dismissal You Can’t get Snakes from Chicken Eggs
People mean “All I care about is…”. They say “All I know is…” because pleading ignorance doesn’t sound as bad as outright selfishness.
Is “All I know is…” anything like “…but there is one thing I do know”?
If aliens had no knowledge of the words “With,” “All,” “Due,” and “Respect,” and monitored our broadcasts, they’d conclude that the prefatory phrase means “Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck.”
“All I know is what I read is the papers” - Will Rogers
Liar. He knew a lot more.
Exactly!
Out Darn Standing, Sir.
All I know is, I saw it on the internet.
I would propose another law, “Everyone Knows That” will be an example of a damned odd opinion the person holds.
All I know is it can always get worse.
Okay, I’ll give you that one.
Any action committed after someone utters the phrase “Hold my beer” will be disastrous.
Last week, I heard, “All I know is my brother got a covid vaccine, and then he died of a heart attack.” (two years later, in his 70’s)
All I know is, horizontal surfaces attract crap.
That one comes up a lot with flu vaccines. “All I know is my sister got the vaccine and it gave her the flu.”
“Um, no. Your sister had already been infected when she got the vaccine. The vaccine cannot give you the flu.”
“All I know is she didn’t have the flu, she got the vaccine, and then she had the flu.”
Repeat ad infinitum.
Other universal laws…
“No offense, but…” is always followed by an offensive statement. The preliminary part does nothing to soften the following part, either; if anything, it causes the recipient to tense up, knowing they are about to hear something offensive.
“You look tired” really means “you look like crap”.
“All I know is my sister got the flu vaccine and two weeks later, she was run over by a truck.”’
“You can’t blame the vaccine for that.”
“Sure I can. If she had caught the flu, she would have been home sick and nowhere near that truck.”
Related, or in parallel to the lame “All I know is…” the equally infuriating “I’m just saying” whenever somebody can’t defend a factually or logically incorrect BS statement.
If the atmosphere was permeated with truth serum vapor, “All I know” and “I’m just saying” would come out as “touche”.
With the greatest possible respect to fans of Yes, Prime Minister, there are levels to this.