All We Hear Is Radio Ga Ga

Well, it happened again. Fuck, this sucks. Gonna have to find a new station to fill the #6 position in the car stereo presets. Ever notice how whenever a radio station changes formats, they do it totally without warning? No DJ ever says anything like “Hey, starting tomorrow we’re going to be playing sucky music, so you’d better change the presets on your dial.”

I was jamming to Daniel by Elton John (hey! stop laughing!) on my way to work today, but on my way home I was being crudely crooned to through the 3AM fog by the likes of Garth Brooks et al. No big deal I guess, since the station is 80 miles away and I can barely catch it anyhow. Still it sucks. In fact everything about radio fucking sucks!

For years I have endured the mind-numbing monotonity of corporate bastard radio and I’m really about fed up with it. I get to take my pick from top thousand or so songs of the past 40 years from about 6 or 7 ubiquitous, ultra-mainstream genres,and listen these SAME songs over and over and over for eternity on every station on the fucking dial. Top it all off with a large helping of smarmy DJ’s and screaming carsalesmen and I’m truly in hell. I’m not even lucky enough to live near a decent college station.

Every alt-rock, classic rock, and Top 40 DJ has the exact same voice :
[li]Males - Deep voice, possibly cocky in a non-offensive way. They often display great exitement about remote broadcasts from auto parts stores.[/li][li]Females - Shrill, eardrum piercing voices. They are mostly relegated to news girl, wacky sidekick on a morning show, and the graveyard shift on Sunday. (unless it’s one of the stations that’s too cheap to even hire a DJ to work nights)[/li]
Every station has a “birthday wheel” or something similar. The worst are the ones that announce the birthdays of local people who call in so they can hear their name on the radio and maybe, just maybe win a $50 birthday party.

Alt-rock promises the best new rock, new music first, and the MOST new music(usually said directly preceding a 7 year old Nirvana song). They have names like “The Edge,” and “The X.” And they all sound the same.

Classic rock stations have 50 minute music marathons, two-fer tuesdays, and names like
“The Eagle,” and “The Point.”

They all hype themselves up with CONSTANT liners between songs proclaiming their greatness, yet they all sound EXACTLY the same! 95% of them are owned by one of two huge corporations so they’re just competing against their own damn company. I even heard stations crowing about how wonderful they were in desolate areas of the Southwest where you can ONLY PICK UP ONE FRIGGIN STATION!!!

So many thousands of generic stations and NOTHING for those of us that don’t fit their narrow demographics. I don’t doubt that the record companies pay off the stations. It’s illegal, yeah, but that kinda thing never stopped profit-hungry scavengers of other peoples’ talent before.

“Glittering prizes and endless compromises shatter the illusion of integrity”
–Rush from The Sprit of Radio

Yup. It’s a sad sad state of affairs when radio stations start playing (gasp!) popular music . . .

Seriously, though, you’re absolutely correct. I’m forced to stick with the local trade school station (loud unpopular music and acharismatic djs).

There is one alt station I can handle, though (corporate shill time). KZRK, X96, based in Salt Lake City. Yes, they play a lot of lame-ass Limp Bizkit and Korn and stuff, but they actually have a decent variety, and the DJ’s aren’t drones. And the best morning show in the country. (None of the happy non-offensive crap, and none of the pseudo-bad boy, trying to be offensive in a nice way crap wither.)

ok, ok, so I’ve sold out. So shoot me.

Speaking as someone who works alongside the radio industry… Everything you said is correct.

OTR, natch…

Yer pal,

First Place
Most Popular Poster of the 20th Century Competition
As overseen by Coldfire

In Huntsville AL, a station now known as Possum Country changed from a different format about 5 years ago. For a week, they did this weird countdown thing: a deep voice saying “6 days, 21 hours, 7 minutes and 34 seconds… 6 days, 21 hours, 7 minutes, and 30 seconds…” with some odd things in between. I heard a couple of Shel Silverstein poems, some unknown-to-anyone-besides-the-band’s-moms alternative numbers, and love letters read on the air. I really hoped that would be the actual format, as it was pretty cool. Then of course, came the dreaded Possum. I’m so embarrassed.

Sorry, I forgot it was the Pit.

That goddam fucking Possum sucks monkey dick.

Radio is insulting and abusive. It constantly screams at you, trying to pander it’s tawdry wares over and over while simultaneously attempting to lull you into an opiate-like stupor with droll programming, hollow personality and endless cycles of completely forgettable music.

Hell is Other People.

God bless public radio. I’m in the New York area and we fortunately still have a public radio station, despite Mayor Guiliani’s best efforts to get rid of it. I’ve never heard a music mix on it, but it has several interesting shows, including ones that has a performer read short stories that you may not have heard or read otherwise. For music, I usually prefer to format my own with CDs or tapes. Just how many times can you listen to “Mambo #9” without pucking?

Bitch by Birth

Yeah, but at least there are no pictures, unlike television. So at least you can use a small portion of your imagination.

Sorry. That’s puking. I don’t play soccer.

Bitch by Birth

I mean hockey. God, today sucks!

Bitch by Birth

KFOG 104.5 FM in San Francisco used to be really good. Great music, cool DJ’s with interesting things to say, not too many commercials and not a lot of that shameless self-promotion that’s so prevelent today. Well, a few years ago it was bought by a big-name conglomerate. Now it’s just like all the rest. But what’s weird is that most of the original on-air personalities are still there, only they’re totally playing the corporate game. How they went from funky, restless rebels a few years ago to commercial hacks now makes me kinda’ sick. I guess it all really is a big money game. Think I’ll just hummmmmm from now on.


Couldn’t agree with you more, especially the part about the periodic obnoxious commercials masqurading as ‘remotes’. Who do they think they are fooling.

Oh, and classic stations known as ‘The Point’, I’m off to lop off their pointed little heads.

<Sounds of Harry rolling over in his grave>

A point in every direction is like no point at all

Oh, and cleosia, it’s Mambo No. 5 not Mambo No. 9.

…A little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of Erica by my side…

“Strainger, the SDMB National Ambassador of Goodwill” - special


Bitch by Birth

And where the fuck did all of these ‘Jammin Oldies’ stations come from?! It seems like within a few years, markets all across the US had at least on of these monstrosities. Some cool funk tunes from time to time, but spoon-fed-obnoxiousisity the rest. Jamm this assholes!
Whew… thanks, I needed that!

Hey, television leaves something to the imagination - at least we can’t smell the programming material. . .Yet.

Hell is Other People.

91.3 WWUH Public Alternative Radio

None of that crappy commercial stuff for us in Beautiful Downtown Noo England. In Genuwine RealAudio too.

Lex Non Favet Delicatorum Votis

Try living out here in the sticks, the only radio stations we get are country and oldie on AM. FM reception sucks and the stations do too, one of our local FM stations just changed formats from country to the same kind of rock stations listed above. I’m sorry any radio station that considers Styx and Journey classic rock is wrong. There was a lot of good music made in the eighties, unfortunately nove of it gets played on the radio. If I hear Mambo No 5 or any of the records made by plastic teenage blonds again I will puke and I will mail that puke to the program directors.

Seething in Saskatchewan

You want brilliance BEFORE I’ve had my coffee!!!

Still recovering from cleosia’s posts…

i listen to the crooners and sinatra style on Realplayer 7 has a nice New Orleans jazz station in its default list.