“Your” is the possessive form of “you.” “You’re” is a contraction of the words “you are.” Thus:
“I think this is your grammar manual, bob.”
“Bob, I think you’re flinging apostrophes around like a rabid chimpanzee throws shit.”
“There” indicates a place. It usually follows a preposition or has one implied. “Their” is the possessive form of “they.” It is the possessive-plural-pronoun (say that ten times fast, cockbrain). “They’re” is a contraction of the words “they are.” Thus:
“Bob, they’re not laughing with you, dungfucker.”
“A horde of grammarians is chasing Bob with their razor-sharp red pens in hand.”
“Bob, your microscopic penis is right there.”
To make a noun (with the exception of pronouns) posessive, you add “'s.” To make a word plural, you usually add “es.” “S’” is only acceptable when you are indicating the possessive of a plural." Thus:
“Bob’s IQ is less than his body temperature.”
“Bob, get the fuck out of the way before those flying houses fall on you.”
“Bob, the house’s odds are far better than yours, imbecile.”
“Bob, I don’t think those six houses’ tenants appreciate you shitting in their windows.”
“It’s” is a contraction of “it is.” “Its” is the posessive form of “it.” (Remember, Mr. Brains-Leaking-out-of-Ears, you do not put apostrophes on pronouns to indicate posession.) Thus:
“It’s alive! It’s aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!”
“I think I put its head on backwards.”
It is not, repeat, is not always correct to refer to one self as “I” when listing a group of people.
In the subjective: “Bob and I are going to drop some acid.” Correct.
In the objective: “The dealer gave some acid to Bob and I.” IN-MOTHERFUCKING-CORRECT, TURDSUCKER. The next stupid, idiot-child who “corrects” me regarding this will be summarily executed.
There are few things better than a preposition to end a sentence with.
It is never appropriate or correct, in any situation whatsoever, to write things like “u,” “b4,” and “2” in place of two, to, or too. Which brings us to
Two is the number that comes before three and after one. To refers to a destination or conclusion. Too is sort of a synonym for “also.” Thus:
“I’m going to the store.”
“The store is two blocks away.”
“Bob is going to the store, which is two blocks away, too.”
Unless you’re doing actual math, you must write the names of numbers less than 10 (if you’re anal, it’s supposed to be less than 100, but I think 10 is fine.) Writing something like, “The store is 2 blocks away looks” looks surprisingly stupid.
An exclamation point is used at the end of a sentence to indicate something amazing or out of the ordinary. If every one of your sentences ends with an exclamation point, it ceases to mean anything, and makes you appear to be a coke-strung teenybopper getting his first chance to feel up Britney Spears. Similarly, it is never appropriate to ever use more than one exclamation point.
Conclusions:
I am guilty of some of these mistakes. There is nothing wrong with making a typo or having a thought-o, indeed, there are likely some things misspelled in this post. But, if you did not know all of the things stated above, and you consider yourself literate, and you post to a board dedicated to fighting ignorance, you have a big, big fucking problem, Bob.
So for the love of Mother Earth, please make sure that you at least fuckin try to do this shit correctly! Please try to appear intelligent, even if you aren’t.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I always learned that an exclamation point should be used when saying things like “FIRE!” or “Call an ambulance!” Not “We went out to eat yesterday! I can’t believe how good the food was! Tonight I’m going to make pasta! We hope you can come!” (Yes, I actually know someone who uses an exclamation point with every single sentence)
Come on! Give people like that a break! They have every right to use an exclamation point at the end of every sentence! It’s the way they like to express themselves! They get a lot of feeling into their words! Honest!
I is unsure about you’re point! The grammer club and I have decided that their isn’t no need for you to be so hard on Bob! They’re must be some way Bob and you can get a long. and quit taking Bobs manuals from him!
[sub][sup]Sorry, but “Smartass” is my middle name[/sup][/sub]
Actually, friedo, the choice of where to begin using numerals is a matter of style, not right or wrong. APA and (I think) AP style use numerals for 10 and up in general use; Chicago style uses numerals for 100 and up. There are other rules regarding using numerals with units of measure, time, ages, and so on, and each style manual is different. But you are correct in that I know of no style manual that advocates numerals under 10 in general use.
::Scarlett removes her copyeditor hat – the dang thing is HEAVY!::
Love your example sentences – are you sleeping with Karen Elizabeth Gordon?
And hey, Zette, it’s apostrophe, not apostrophy! Your an abomination! Keep it up and you’re going 2 get a tongue-lashing from friedo and I!
OK, I think that’s played out now.
Oh, and friedo, in regards to your thread title, I believe “all right” is the correct usage, while “alright” is a vulgar corruption used by philistines. Enjoyed your post, though.
The apostrophe is normally used for two thing: contractions and the possesive.
Contraction examples: can’t for cannot, it’s for it is.
Examples of the possesive: Bob’s framistan, Jane’s gizmo, England’s traditions, the ship’s mast.
There is an important exception: You DO use an apostrophe when you say, “That car is Bob’s.” You do NOT use one when you say, “That car has lost its right headlight.” This is to avoid confusion with the ever-popular contraction for “it is”.
