Alternative solutions to world problems! Help save the world!

In My Humble Opinion
1

If you think my ideas won’t work tell me why. I’d be glad to hear of any other alternative solutions anyone might have.

  1. The solution to fat: Tax fat. Make being overweight semi or completely illegal.

  2. The Arab-Israeli conflict: Bomb the Holy places and force all Jews to emigrate to New Zealand. That country then closes its doors to all other immigrants.

  3. Gun control: Control bullets instead.

  4. American unpopularity: Comedians become diplomats. American embassies are staffed with Ben Stillers and Dana Carveys.

  5. Poorly educated kids: Successful teachers become millionaires.

Any more? Any improvements on these ones?

2

Oh, I forgot. Solution to oppression of African Americans(In honour of my hero Colonel Oliver North): An aids drugs for land deal for West Africans with the intention of setting up an African-American sovereign state. African-American prisoners can then be extradited from the U.S. This is not a racist idea (I am not a racist) but it feels all sort of enjoyably evil. Alternatively, Oprah Winfrey and Eddie Murphey can start buying up land and then enter politics.

Homosexuals and the military: Gay battalions.

The homeless: All Benny Hinn fans adopt one homeless person.

I could go on and on. Maybe I will.

3

Does there beat no heart in your chest? Jesus, they’re homeless, they aren’t criminals! Even criminals don’t deserve to be forced to live in proximity with Benny Hinn fans. This is no humane solution. I’d sooner support an initiative to grind up the homeless into hamburger and serve them at RNC fundraisers before I’d support this Benny Hinn initiative.

Also, we can’t let the African-Americans leave America, because then we’d have no culture to commodify and market to our teenagers, and our economy would collapse.

I’m right behind you with the paving over the Holy Land thing, though.

4

Thank you very much. And it’s Jews and gypsies. Throw in the gypsies. Sometimes I think New Zealanders don’t deserve to live where they do. They believe they are sufffering if the temperature drops below 10 degrees centrigrade. They’d send out for international aid then if they could. Kiwis also don’t value education as much as they should. Jews and gypsies are different.

5

How about three letters: IDF. Come and get me.

6

G. Nome, what is it that prevents you from emigrating to the Holy Land of Kiwi, again?