ThelmaLou, I haven’t ruled it out, although I have to confess the idea of either sitting through a prayer or walking out early is off-putting.
Now to switch gears a bit, you said that you found it incredibly uplifting. May I ask you to elaborate? Was it just hearing other people’s stories, or what? I am very ignorant of the dynamics of this process. I have been in group therapy before (never much liked it) but you say this isn’t like that. In what manner did it work its effect on you? Only if you want to share, of course.
I’m sorry that I contributed to the thread detour. If I can speak to your questions:
I find meetings uplifting because I get to hear from people who think about, react to, and get stuck on some pretty core stuff the same way I do. And most of them are as different as can be from me in most non-core ways. There’s no arguing, no one-upmanship, no criticism, no judgement. Sometimes you want to bop someone on the head because of repeat stupidity, but generally no judgement works well. The rule is “no cross-talk” which means you would say whatever you want to say (or not), and no one would question you or ask you to discuss x further, etc.
I absolutely hate therapy. i’ve learned more about myself in AA than any experience with therapy. Useful stuff–relationship patterns I hadn’t seen, for example. I don’t do AlAnon (many alcoholics do because they have alcoholic parents, spouses, etc.), but I’ve heard it works the same way for many (not all!) people.
If I had read any of the literature prior to understanding the program, I would have run screaming. I still haven’t read much of the Big Book. I sometimes say the Lords Prayer at the end of meetings, mostly don’t, but I join the circle anyway and stick around to chat after. No one would care if you didn’t pray, assuming there is a prayer. Some meeting use the serenity prayer–I leave off the first word (God) but you could also keep silent.
I wish you all the best. Living with an alcoholic is not fun.
ETA: I would second reading Drinking: A Love Story.
See, that’s a way of stopping yourself. No one there will notice or care. It’s you making that rule for yourself. The phrase you hear over and over is “take what you like and leave the rest.” They mean it. It’s like a buffet: you don’t have to partake of everything, just the parts you want.
Exactly what Emiliana said. I thought I was going to hear a lot of whining and complaining and venting. I didn’t want to hear that. I was just beginning to admit to myself that my bf “had a drinking problem.” Ha! I was ashamed and embarrassed and didn’t want to hear my future being predicted. But people did not talk about their partners, parents, kids, etc. They talked about their own hearts and struggles. While you’re worrying about and taking care of the drinker, who’s taking care of you? Going to alanon is you taking care of you. Like I said, I only ever listened, never spoke up or told my story. But when I was in that room, I felt buoyed up on an ocean of love.
Alanon does not focus on the drinker. In fact, one of the first things you hear-- and it shocked the pants off of me-- was “the alcoholic’s drinking is none of your business”! WTF?? He’s messing up my life! An eye-opener and the beginning of liberation from trying to fix him.
Check out a board at soberrecovery.com. There’s a section for family/friends. You’ll get more of the thinking. You might get something out of posting there.