I understand letting dishes sit in the sink because you’re tired/depressed. Really, I do. (Although if I had a dishwasher I’d probably do so much less often.) But I live alone, and can do what I want–you have a roommate, and the sink is his too, and he should be able to use it without having to look at your dishes all the time. It’s just not the same thing as, say, letting your bedroom get cluttered. Maybe you don’t need to do it right away all the time, but they should never sit for more than a day.
I do hope your second post was in jest. This is how I see it - you’re not a perfect roomie. You leave dishes in the sink and you’re (apparently) touchy. He’s not a perfect roomie because he makes noise at all hours and doesn’t mention when he a problem. Guess what - no one is perfect. No one. So suck it up, try to do better, and apologize if you occassionally forget to do the dishes and he’s annoyed. And if it bothers you enough to mention it to him, ask him to tone the noise down. Most of all, you have to be patient with each other.
StG
He probably just had a shitty day and the dishes were the last straw. I doubt his reaction had much to do with you at all. I also know sometimes it’s hard to realize that in the moment, especially if you’re struggling with depression.
I, personally, am a slob. Such a slob. But when my hubby says he’s doing the dishes and leaves them to soak for two days, and I need to reach into the cold, slimy water to drain the gunk so I can use the sink, it grosses me out. Personally, I’d prefer he leave the dishes on the counter until he intended to actually do them, instead of this “soaking” bullshit. After a few days of this, you can bet I bite his head off. I don’t hate him. He’s not a horrible husband. I don’t want him to move out. Sometimes a minor thing will just get on my last nerve, you know?
You’re good people. Take a deep breath. Everything is going to be fine.
I was leaving dishes in the sink for two months after I moved to my new place because I wasn’t used to having a dishwasher. This is the first time I’ve ever lived in a house with one, and I was so used to leaving my dishes in the sink and doing them when they covered the bottom of the sink (which they never did, because my patient roommate kept putting them in the washer for me) that I just did that and kept on being confused when they “disappeared.” I’m sure my roommate was sick of it too. Eventually, you’ll learn, or anyway, I did. It does take awhile to unlearn certain habits, and if this is the first time you’ve had a dishwasher then it’s understandable that you’d have to rewire your entire dishwashing technique. Five months does seem like a long time to learn though. Maybe this will give you the push to do it!
No, you sound pretty good. But as a dishwasher, you’re an amateur.
Days, plural, is not good.
Cut it out already.
And, ??? – I’m assuming you’re a guy – guys don’t care! 
Your situation is almost identical to mine, with two big differences. My roomate, the owner, doesn’t have sex, let alone loud sex, and he’s the one that leaves dishes in the sink for days.
I hate to call him out on it, since it’s his place. I just want to say “instead of putting your dishes in the sink, just open the dishwasher door and put them in there” turn machine on when neccesary.
Whenever I get upset about having to clean up after him, I think of whether I’d rather live with my old roomate that I barely even talked to. No, I wouldn’t. Doing a few loads of dishes is a small price to pay for the situation I live in. Plus he’s a good friend, and I don’t mind doing a few extra duties to keep things running smoothly.
Plus, I hear that the ladies love it when you know how to clean up after yourself in a timely manner.
Yeah, you’re taking this too hard. Having one complaint about you doesn’t mean he wants you gone.
But you’re being inconsiderate by leaving the dishes for “days.” Do 'em the next day.
I have dealt with depression myself. I know it can be really hard to find the energy to keep up with chores. But make the dishes a priority.
Are you paying half the rent? Then the place is half yours. You seem to have the attitude that you’re there on sufferance, and that’s not the case if you’re paying half the rent. You have just as much right to complain about his shortcomings. The loud sex is a pretty serious boundary violation in my book. Crikey, lovemaking is supposed to be private. They’re pretty much forcing you to witness it (well, at least aurally), and that’s really inappropriate. I think you should feel free to talk to him about that.
When you rinse them off, you are handling them. Instead of putting them back down in the sink, put them in the dishwasher. This isn’t rocket science.
The pots and pans are a different matter. If they have to soak, they have to soak. When you wash them, do you dry them? If so, and that’s part of the hassle, just leave them to air dry on the stove. As guys, this shouldn’t bother either of you.
No, it’s his house, he owns it. I pay half of the utility and cable bills, and the rent itself is QUITE cheap, considering I get my own room and bathroom, and pretty much full use of anything in the house. I admit I’m in a good situation, especially after moving back in with my family for over a year while I was unemployed after school. That was rough. And that’s why any kind of conflict, even slight, rankles me. And I’m happy for him that he has this cute, energetic, young girlfriend, I really am. He’s a good guy. But I gotta be honest, it depresses me even more, makes me realize how horny and lonely I’ve been. That’s not their fault.
I feel like I’ve been a bad roommate, but it’s one symptom of feeling like I’m a loser, and a shitty person with rapidly diminishing prospects. I may post more later. Or not. Whatever.
Learn something from this. Everybody that lives together experiences things like this where they have a different understanding of what is acceptable. You two need to sit down and discuss these sorts of things. If you ever have a girlfriend/wife/partner you’ll hit this same, or similar, stuff. If you let it fester inside it helps no one. Discuss, compromise, agree, move on. If you learn you can’t live together then talking about it instead of letting it build up will at least allow you to continue your friendship. Do you have enough friends that you can afford to lose one because you leave dishes in the sink?
Sounds like it’s more than dirty dishes that’s the issue.
You’re not a bad roommate, but it sounds like you get into the martyr complex. That can be irritating. Being depressed sucks, I’ve been there. It also sucks to be around depressing people.
You also feel like you’re stuck in a rut and won’t get anywhere. Just remember you are MUCH better off than living at your parents’ house, and the fact that you can live independently from them means something. It’s expensive to live nowadays. It takes time to strike out on your own.
Just remember, the dish argument is small stuff. These kinds of arguments are inevitable no mightly how tight you and your friends are. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t burden yourself with guilt over it. Put it behind you and your roommie will too.
OK, well, you’re not a full-fledged owner, but it’s still inappropriate to expect you to listen to them screwing. Being happy about his happiness has nothing to do with it. I get the sense that you won’t say anything, but you definitely have a right to.
Are you in therapy? The reason I ask is, it could really help you with the negative, faulty thoughts you have about your self-worth. It sounds like this attitude not only hurts you, but annoys those around you.
Best of luck.
They’re in his room with the door closed, and I close mine too, across the hall. I can’t ask for much more than that. I have mentioned in passing that I can sometimes hear them, always in a joking manner, and he has honestly apologized. But I couldn’t possibly ask them to use their “library voices.”
I believe the small handful of friends I have opened up to about my current mental state are patient and understanding enough to not be annoyed with me, but who really knows? I try not to complain because I know everyone has their own problems. It’s just been a rough last month with professional setbacks that have affected every other aspect of my life, and not a pleasant last two years before that. And the way things are now, it will continue at least through September no matter what I do.
Nooo, we are doing what you asked. You wanted to know if you’re a bad room-mate. The answer has been No.
You are not bad. You just didn’t do a chore. You need to talk to him.
You sound depressed and angry. Your self-esteem seems low. If your work has an Employee Assistance Program, make an appointment. If they don’t see a doctor.
Don’t suffer, there’s help, but you have to make the first step.
Nope, not a bad roommate.
You just have a small bad habit is all - so repace with better habit (i.e. put dishes in dishwasher rather than in sink after rinsing) and go on about your business.
Bad roommmates sacrifice your pets out of rage at you for daring to go out without them. (Don’t ask how I know this).
You and your roommate just have slightly different cleanliness standards 
You probably should talk to him though, as he’s a friend.
Keep a rule that there will be no dirty dishes in the sink, and all dirty dishes go immediately into the diswasher. When it’s full, run the dishwasher and empty it immediately.
All dirty dishes should be in the dishwasher, and the only dishes in the dishwasher should be dirty dishes.
A “locked” dishwasher signals dishes are clean inside, and “unlocked” means dirty. If you are in a hurry and need to grab a clean glass from the dishwasher, simply lock it up afterward.
Keep rules that the first person to notice a full dishwasher must run the dishwasher. Also, the first person to encounter a locked dishwasher must empty it immediately.
Stick to the rules in good faith, but be flexible, and things should work out fine. My roommates and I never had a problem with dishes once this system was implemented.
I have learned recently through friends that dirty dishes, how they get clean, and who puts them away can be a tremendously emotionally charged issue for some people. Believe it or not, my friends who struggle over this do so because their parents had crazy control issues over the dishes. Perhaps he has some history informing his dish reaction.
I could write a book on bad flatmates, and you are not one. You just need to get laid.
Another vote for not a bad roommate.
This from yet another veteran of house sharing hell.
You’re also a good poster.
I had a VERY annoying roommate once. I could give you a list 20 items long about how miserable this guy was to live with.
At the top of that list, you’d find, “left his dishes in the sink”.
Dishes in the sink is different than clothes on the couch or hair in the shower.
It attracts mice and ants. It gets in the way of a guy who wants his dishes done. And it’s just really really annoying to think you carried the dishes to the sink and went, “eh. . .I’ll get to it later. He can live with it.”
It takes 2 friggin’ minutes. Hot, soapy sponge and a dish towel.
You gotta cut out all this other drama queen crap, too. “If you want me to move out, I will”. . .what are you, a caricature of a Jewish mom in a Neil Simon play?