[QUOTE=Triskadecamus, bolding mine]
It is not your nature, but rather the nature of evil itself that you have glimpsed. Hatred breeds hatred Demonization of those we hate is a process by which we allow ourselves to hate more easily. This is the root problem with the act of judging the souls of others. The “reward” we seek to give ourselves by justification of our own evil is to place our hatred beyond judgment. As an enemy of evil, we believe ourselves to be good. Our actions are only the final step, evil works on us in our hatreds, our fears, and our desires first.
Stop yourself. You have your soul to loose.
Tris
[/QUOTE]
Oh, baby, it’s so already loost.
What if there is no soul? What if hatred and anger make us stronger, advance us as a species? What if, ladies and gentlemen, greed, for lack of a better word, is good?
Sorry, sometimes I think I’m Michael Douglas. The point is, can sadism be a virtue? Like others have said, it’s sadism the OP is more rightfully accused of. He claims he thinks he wouldn’t “enjoy” it, but that it wouldn’t bother him either, as if in his imagination he is a kind of cosmic enforcer - the Karma Police, perhaps. ;j He’s just doing his job, ma’am. In order for the scales in his head to sit right, somebody has to lose a pound of flesh.
It’s not like he invented the concept. If he actually did it he’d be a bad guy, but does thinking about it put him in psychological (or spiritual) danger as Tris suggests? He said he doesn’t want this to be about morality. He accepts a moral black mark for his hypothetical act, which makes this more interesting. He’s not conceptualizing it as an act of inspired goodness (which would certainly be crazy, if not psychopathic) but one of necessary evil. Again, the job to do.
Hannah Arendt wrote of the mind-numbing “banality of evil”. We see Nazis shuffling papers, International Business Machines counting gold fillings. But maybe exposure to evil, like the OP’s Fred Phelps, eventually numbs the conscience of even decent people who don’t think about cattle prods in a non-cowboy context, to the point where they become willing to stoop to any level to not just annihilate, but punish that evil. Many camp survivors talk of the revenge they would like to take on their guards.
This is what I think, and sorry for the rambling, I assemble my thoughts best out loud.
I think if it’s to be done, then do it with glee. Enjoy your work. Get out the pliers and the power drill. Have a blast. You have renounced your morality already, and to namby-pamby around with clinical detachment is, frankly, to express misgivings about what you’re doing, unless that’s really how you feel, and something in your tone (“right now I feel like I would”) suggests otherwise to me.
If you are going to do it, you had damn well better be absolutely sure it’s what you want to do. If you are, go to town. If you regret it later, kill yourself.
Of course, I don’t think the OP should do any of that. We’re speaking fiction here. This is just a little game of “24”.
Now as to the question, does it make you a bona fide crazy person if you don’t regret it, don’t kill yourself, just go on happily with your life, whistling and throwing the occasional bell-kick?
You better fuckin’ believe it does. Like Hunter Thompson said, buy the ticket, take the ride. The only way you could go on happily with your life after something like that anyway is to /go/ at least a little crazy, so it’s kind of moot. But I think yes, to do it you need an edge of insanity most people lack. But you might think of that as a gift, since you are speaking in a morally empty universe. Your sanity is your sacrifice so that those cosmic scales are inched that much closer to being balanced.
So given that, I have a question for you: Would it be worth it?